Addenda N~Z

Physic of the irrelative: In Siem Reap (written 25th January 2012)

The window of our hotel room gives onto the main road on which, against the rising sun, the delicate profiles of bicycles, motorcycles and cabriolets, with two, three or four figures borne on each (families heading out to set up stall) course lightly and endlessly from left and right, as though on rails. At intervals a solitary coconut palm intersects this horizontal, spindling into its own patch of sky, surmounted by a wheel, a staring eye of wide-flung fronds. The fine protozoan stream below is coarsened by the infraction of tour buses; this has not happened before, I am told by my French companion J-N (long ago expelled by the Kymer Rouge, he now returns frequently to the country). Among the smaller vehicles is the ubiquitous three-wheeled fly fashioned from motor-scooters; too inexpensive for Chinese and Korean arrivistes. They tend to be used instead by Caucasian travellers who aren’t cyclists, and by people like us. 

We head for the ancient Royal city of Angkor Thom, a few miles north, conveyed in two of these carriages (‘tuk-tuks,’ for ‘two-stroke’) by J-N’s old friends Messrs. Nye and Orm; cheerful, courteous, obliging and hired by the day at fifteen dollars; equivalent, here, to a weeks’ minimum wage. The livelihood of many depends wholly on their earnings during the winter tourist season. All along the way, barefooted or naked children play with sticks in the iron-red earth; some are seen in clearings, flying rudimentary kites. If we stop, they will approach, asking for ‘dollars.’ They are sent out to beg by their parents; they ought to be in school. Their English is startlingly good, and mocks Korea’s obsession with lucrative and utterly useless private language schools (many of these children also speak Korean). On being refused they become accusatory and petulant, but it is better to give pens and notebooks rather than money. We are blocked hundreds of yards short of the extraordinary three-headed tower of the South Gate by an adamant concatenation of motor-coaches on the narrow road, and must walk. J-N, who never minds walking, is dismayed by the queue of lumbering vehicles, having seen nothing like it in the forty years he has known this place. Also alighting, Nikon-wielding Chinese tourists elbow us aside to take snaps (of each other) against the fifty-four stone figures of Asuras and Devas that are pulling, respectively, the head and tail of the water-snake Shesha to churn the ocean and form the universe, and line either side of the causeway above the moat. From the surface of this, vivid lotus flowers stare up (the inundation of the rainy season is only recently passed). Our wives, gazing down together, are forced apart at the knees by a man, crouching with a camera, who screams back at them for their remonstrances. Passing through the bottleneck of the South Gate, I glance up at the corbelled vault (the Khmers did not build arches) and wonder for how long the sandstone structure will withstand the chemical and mechanical onslaught from this gross increase in the volume of traffic. Its mesmerizing mass recedes into etherealized elegance as we progress along the dead straight forest road. After a mile we trundle past elephants carrying sightseers on a languid circuit of the Bayon temple, on the upper terrace of which people stumble about between the two hundred great stone faces of Lokesvara.

Nearby is Baphuon; the eleventh-century three-tiered ‘mountain temple.’ Dedicated to Shiva, this and the other early Hindu monuments were converted to Buddhist shrines in the early twelfth century, and newer temples dedicated to Buddha and bodhisattvas. Hinduism was briefly reinstated in the middle of the thirteenth century, and the Buddha’s faces removed, before Buddhism was restored as the primary state religion by the end of that century. Decapitated Buddhas are still visible; other lesser deities have lost their heads to traders, who sometimes fail to strike them off cleanly and leave them disfigured. Other bas-relief figures, like those wrestling with the naga at the South Gate, or those about the perimeter of Angkor Wat, are marred by the scars of bullets.

I make my first drawing from one corner of the pyramidal Baphuon, standing on the coping of a tall perimeter wall where a ‘C.A.’ carved his initials in 1960. I later discover that this was the year in which restoration of the ruined temple began. In the course of the following decade a plan was drawn up, and each stone numbered. The last time J-N was here, nothing was standing at all. Reconstruction had not begun before the drawings were lost in the Khmer Rouge years and was completed only six months ago. Nor is my position as inconspicuous as I had hoped; a number of curious tourists seek to join me on the wall, as if I’m a public entertainer and that is their role. I have not yet learned, as Bo-Kyoung wishes I would, to send them packing. But I do tell them that I’m a beginner, which they invariably accept without question. On the west side of the structure, built into the wall of the first tier, is a sixteenth-century statue of a reclining Buddha, seventy metres long, for which one of the original towers was demolished; less stable than the structure it replaced, it has recently been strengthened and restored with the rest of the building.    

 From the day of our arrival, which is the second day of the Lunar New Year, until the weekend that follows, the horde of Chinese travellers is overwhelming. The necessity of avoiding the New Year holiday – clearly, for this emerging set, an occasion for touring – had not occurred to us; no-one has seen such a crowd before. They set up a nerve-racking, unremitting din, yelling at each other from the top and bottom of the temples; smoke in the temples; even defecate there (this being a ‘world heritage’ site); all before our gaze. They scramble all over the crumbling masses of laterite; Ankgor Wat, Ta Keo, Pre Rup. I am reminded of a population of penguins on a dwindling iceberg. But this is nearly as far from the Arctic as one can travel; it’s winter, and thirty-two degrees Celsius (in Seoul it’s minus sixteen). We beseech the Cambodian guides and stewards to exercise some control. Rules are posted at the temple entrances. Those that it does not occur to Orientals to violate, like not exposing one’s shoulders or breasts, are flouted by nonchalant Western pilgrims whose flesh heaves out of singlets and camisoles. Then a gang of shirtless Russian youths settles on the ruins to sunbathe. The Cambodians glower, but dare not censure their guests. The desecration is unchallenged. Their government will accept the ruination of its world heritage tomorrow for all our filthy lucre today.

The Japanese, by contrast, wait in single file for orders to advance; each wearing a green hard hat (many of the areas to which visitors have unrestricted access are clearly dangerous) and, as in Seoul, a mask (avian influenza; typhoid; yellow fever). But they are invariably polite. J-N’s Korean wife, though as fervent a nationalist as mine, enjoins us to visit Tokyo and Kyoto. Cambodia’s population is fifteen million: one-tenth, and one-fifth, that of Japan and Korea respectively. Infant mortality: ninety-five per one thousand births. Average life expectancy: fifty-eight years. Number of psychiatrists: twenty (Lonely Planet).  

In the temple of Bayou, Ta Som or Angkor Wat, a momentarily unobstructed view of the stonework reveals not a single square inch left unworked by the twelfth-century carvers. Acres of wall teem with figures – each one of the Khmer people represented, perhaps, a hundred or a thousand times – as if they had formed with the stone and were already dancing across the blocks as they were quarried. Their arch-eyebrowed and beaming smiles are those of the Cambodian faces we have already seen, multiplied over and over. ‘Happiness! Joy!’ observes J-N raptly. In a remote corner (Banteay Prei, north and a little off the beaten track) is a tiny carving of someone on horseback and despite this being very eroded it is wonderfully clear how precisely the carver had studied the subject; the spine bending with the flung-back pose of a rider at full gallop. The carvings, particularly the bas-reliefs of the battles of Lankra and Kurukshetra on the west side of Angkor Wat, are an even more extraordinary sight at sunset (I do not fulfil my hope of seeing the east-facing ones, or the towers, at sunrise, to enjoy them in relative peace) which in Cambodia is over even more quickly than in Korea.

After two days I have attempted a few drawings, and can see things improving if I persist, but it is not until the first week of the New Year is over that I can work without being filmed and photographed and gawped at whenever I get out my drawing materials and fielding interventions by Chinese sightseers, one of whom complains that I have left out the ‘details,’ as though it were any business of his. As in Korea, it is the men who take it upon themselves; women don’t trouble me while I’m drawing. Back in incurious England, hardly anyone did. But I’m not displeased when a young European stops to say: ‘You’re actually drawing? That’s quite cool.’

On the approach to many an historic monument, small groups of musicians are stationed on a mat by the roadside; usually a quintet. A sign explains that they have lost limbs to mines, and asks for donations. To my ears, the sound of their instruments is not very dissimilar to traditional Korean folk music. Tourists point cameras, take them in and walk on with barely a pause. J-N is disgusted, supposing the passers-by to be French (on the ‘human safari’). But this is all the mine victims have come to expect. They observe our indignation on their behalf, and smile. I’m having a hard time with tourists of any stripe. Some of the younger ones, perhaps French or British, choose to saunter unshod, in Raybans, dreadlocks and that kind of bouncy, pharisaical gait, past people who can’t afford shoes. 

In the evening, as we walk through the town, the darkness is not as impenetrable as I had expected in a tropical zone. J-N lightheartedly accuses the Brits of stealing yet another word: crépuscule. I mention the imperceptibly fading light of English afternoons. He remembers not being able to tell, on journeys to the north of that country, ‘whether it’s day or night.’ But the tenebrous margins of the main road through Siem Reap are as populous as at any time; small domains are marked out by hammocks, motorcycles and stumps of worn furniture between which a few figures sell fruit, play music, eat, smoke or lounge on old office chairs, looking out at the passing traffic. There are no streetlights, but somehow all is visible, in the kind of half-light I associate with dreams. Each evening we buy mangosteens, which have a hard, dusky skin over a carmine-coloured mantle, forming a little chamber with ribbed walls around a cluster of translucent grapelike fruits. Coconut ice cream becomes an indispensable conclusion to every meal.

Our acquaintance with the chivalrous and unassuming J-N seems now sufficient, and the setting appropriate, for me to ask him more about his experiences in Cambodia. He enters upon an increasingly impassioned oratory. In April 1975 he ignored orders to leave his post at the Cultural Centre in Phnom Penh, until forced to join the rest of the remaining foreigners at the nearby French Embassy – the only diplomatic mission still open – where Cambodians seeking refuge in the compound were voluntarily surrendered to the Khmer Rouge. Like François Bizot (author of The Gate, and also present) he bitterly opposed the decision and never believed it was necessary. He, Bizot and hundreds of others were then driven to the border with Thailand, taking three days, in stifling closed trucks. He makes nothing of that; he was allowed to live. He lost many Cambodian friends. He was appalled by the selfishness of his countrymen – scrambling over the doomed to save their own skins, grabbing anything they could carry and abandoning the women with whom they had had children – to certain death – in order to return home to their wives. In France, the barbarity of the Khymer regime was only gradually recognized; he demurred when congratulated on his deliverance, mindful of the suffering of the people he had left behind and their good-naturedness even under bombardment by the Americans and the communists. Against this, the rancorous self-absorption of the French was maddening. He still has no time for them: ‘It is election year, and all they talk about is their petty concerns and comforts – just what goes on within this little square…’ (drawing on the table with contemptuous fingers) ‘…why don’t they think about doing something to help Africa?’ (before Cambodia he was posted for two harrowing years in Nigeria). He shrugs angrily, sweeping his country off the table with the back of his hand – ‘I despise them!’ In his view, also, André Malreaux (of La Condition Humaine) was a detestable villain, and his widow’s attempts to exonerate him in her biography were ‘lies from beginning to end.’ It was a long time after the fall of the regime before he could think of returning to Cambodia.

For Park Chung-Hee In the Republic of Korea, the policies of the Khmer Rouge gave licence to the lethal assault he was about to make on uprisings in Busan and Masan, when he and his bodyguard were assassinated by Kim Jae-Gyu, four years after the events in Phnom Penh recounted by my friend. Kim acted, as he later testified, to prevent the planned massacre and other outrages in the offing from an increasingly unhinged dictator. But he, having been duly hanged, was not on hand to do the same service the following year, which saw the atrocities at Gwangju committed by Park’s successor, Chun Doo-Hwan.

On his last day in town J-N shows us Banteay Srei, a small but beautiful temple, twenty miles north of Angkor Wat, with extremely fine carvings (Malreaux had tried to make off with one, perhaps several, of these, in the 1920s). On the return to Siem Reap we stop to buy palm sugar from a family camped by the roadside. The following morning J-N departs alone for Phnom Pen (his first visit for thirty-seven years; later he tells us that he has found it impossible to retrace his steps), his wife for Seoul, and my wife and I continue touring with the kind assistance of Mr. Orm. For a quiet hour, we have the wonderful Victory Gate to ourselves. That is, other than a band of scowling baboons, wanting biscuits, which they turn rapidly over and over in their tiny fingers before sampling. But they too have their leaders; distributing to all and sundry may offend the hierarchy. Mr. Orm points out for us the carving of the three-headed elephant Airavatar plucking lotus flowers, ridden by the Hindu deity Indra. My wife, with her camera, is able to climb the bank on either side of the gate to reach a position close to two of the great stone faces, now confronted by the looming trunk of the sort of tree – whether Tetrameles Nudiflora or Ceiba Pentandra, isn’t clear – that has famously colonized the temple of Ta Phrom. Some stone figures that have not been entirely engulfed beneath its enormous roots peer out through the crevices like inhabitants of Gormenghast. We are advised not to wander down an inviting forest path – because of mines, snakes, spiders? Moving on, we find that things have quietened down in the temples, and during the last two days I produce some better work.

On our final evening in Cambodia the moon’s thin crescent appears on its back ‘like the half-closed eye of a Buddha,’ as in Bizot’s description (I’ve just finished his book). A visit to a North Korean restaurant is disappointing; the place is packed with three busloads of carousing South Koreans, very reasonably disregarding their government’s resuscitated national security laws that would have them arrested for it, but we would prefer somewhere quieter. Mr. Orm, standing by, takes us instead to a Cambodian restaurant. We are served a delicious dinner. Once again it is a group of Chinese tourists, at a nearby table, who spoil the atmosphere. When they’ve eaten their fill they take the manager to task, for the sake of it, over a matter of half a dollar. It is specifically this they expect as their change (never dreaming of tipping) rather than the equivalent in Cambodian currency, which is all the staff can offer – though of perfectly equal value. Voices are raised, but we do not understand until later what has happened, although one of the women pitches into the manager with shrill belligerence, joined by a male companion who repeatedly pronounces (a phrase that has me grinding my teeth): ‘That’s your problem. It’s not my problem.’ They are as relentless as wolves. The Cambodian yields, bitterly: “I pay it myself. I pay your half-dollar myself.’ He reels from the table, away towards the kitchen. The diners stand and swagger out, in a practised way, with contemptible grins. That any grown human person might make sport of another so grotesquely disadvantaged, and with such relish, is repellent, but I begin to appreciate how very little I really have seen of the world and its people.

Reparative mode (1)

To both this and the post Derry Court, where the same events are recounted, I attach an extract from Carl Jung’s autobiography Memories, Dreams, Reflections:

‘Only through objective cognition is the real coniunctio possible… I surrendered myself to the current of my thoughts. Thus one problem after the other revealed itself to me and took shape… One must accept the thoughts that go on within oneself as part of one’s reality. The presence of thoughts is more important than our subjective judgement of them. But neither must these judgments be suppressed, for they are also existent thoughts that are part of our wholeness.’

Reparative mode (2)

While writing this post I also paused over Declan Kiberd’s introduction to Ulysses (the 1992 Penguin reissue) in which he refers to Lionel Trilling’s ‘brilliant distinction between sincerity and authenticity. Sincerity, a congruence between avowal and feeling, can be achieved when there is no problem of form; it is based on the Romantic ideal of truth to the self and it presupposes a definite identity which it becomes the task of a lifetime to be true to. Authenticity is a more excruciatingly modern demand, which begins with the admission that there is a problem of form, and that this makes the congruence between avowal and feeling difficult; it recognizes that the issue is not truth to the self but the finding of the many selves that one might wish to be true to.’

Sometime Professor (1)

Yanegi by 이인범

Any inquiry into intercultural perspectives of Korean art is illuminated by the Japanese scholar Yanagi Muneyoshi (1889-1961) who provides a helpful basis on which to examine the obscuration within those perspectives of an incommensurable paradigm.

Yanegi’s Joseon and Her Art (1922) was widely influential in its denomination of Korean aesthetic consciousness as the ‘beauty of sadness’, and the identification of stylistic elements. Within this consciousness, ‘natural’ beauty is ‘non-technical’ or ‘non-dualistic.’ The influence of this analysis on the study of Korea arts, and on Japanese cultural colonialism, is known as the ‘Yanagi Syndrome.’

But Yanagi’s excurses were submerged in the contemporaneous inrush upon East Asia of Western systems of thought, specifically the fine arts, ‘defined,’ in Heidegger’s words, ‘according to… what people call western European sciences.’ It is not generally recognized that his contribution requires to be examined from the angle of philosophical truth, rather than for its cultural validity.

Comment on his work is therefore invariably conceived within the subject-object dichotomy of the modern European world-view, whatever the concerns of the author, ‘Korean Art’ having become a text in a catalogue of new possibilities for art and the aesthetic within the intercultural narrative, rather than the heritage of a unique and solitary creative milieu.

Yanagi sought out, not a definition of Korean Art, but its aspects of ‘Mingei’ and ‘non-dualistic beauty,’ extraneous to the framework of European modernity and its dynamics of I-other, east-west, Korea-Japan or fine art-craft, within which such aspects lose their autonomous character. This system of truth was his staring point, but it is not where his quest was developed. Nevertheless, it provides the only terms on which his work is appraised.*

Thus the possibility is diminished of transcending perspectives that structure our outlook, such as the very concept of ‘western art,’ and discussion about Korean Art, or the work of Yanagi Muneyosi, becomes little more than an instrument of ideology.

*I refer for example to the work of Choi Hareem, Mun Myoug Dai, Idekawa Naoki, and the oriental Orientalism of Kikuchi Yuko and others.

Sometime Professor (2)

Lecture presented at Ehwa Women’s University, October 2016

‘Spontaneity is not enough; or, to be exact, spontaneity is not possible until there is an unconscious co-ordination of form, space and vision.’

Herbert Read (1893-1968) died when I was a child. His ideas about art and education predominated in the UK at that time. He believed that art could be an international medium of cultural exchange and understanding, and that the explanations he found in philosophy (Bergson, Nietzsche, Hegel, Marx) were weaker versions of truths that were perceptible in art itself. The sentence above was written in 1943, at a time when the general idea of the artist’s lonely unforgiving struggle, and gradual mastery over materials, still prevailed. The writing style guides the reader through the writer’s thinking clearly and efficiently.

After the Second World War, modernism and modern criticism emigrated from Europe to America. I have never been to America but have a lot to say about it. The new American criticism was intellectually adventurous. Alfred Barr’s study of Matisse, published in 1951, was famous for concentrating on documentation and avoiding speculation; it was a work of art history, not art criticism. Art history in America had been conditioned by its geographical and cultural distance from Europe, which made for an objective discussion of European art. In the new art-historical approach there was a revolution against the European belletrist mode of appreciative writing on art by writers like Berenson, Fry, Pevsner, Clark and Gombrich whose approach was challenged by new ideas from psychoanalysis and applied linguistics. It began in the Chicago school of literary criticism, and later extended to the whole of the literary and aesthetic field as well as history, anthropology and geography. In art criticism the register of conversation used by those European and English writers was overtaken by the register of scientific exposition. In this way modernist criticism became a mode of knowledge, rather than a mode of exchange, or persuasion.

Modernism in Europe had been a periodic re-setting of the conditions and principles pertaining to art and creative activity, to re-establish continuity with great traditions. But in America progressive art was seen more as an historical inevitability that involved the apotheosis of its successive heroes. ‘The tradition of the new’ was a term invented by the critic Harold Rosenberg, along with ‘action painting.’ He held that America was the centre of international culture in the postwar period and, thanks to him, the names of Jackson Pollock and Willem de Kooning are enshrined and acclaimed in perpetuity as two supermen of modern art, although there were probably several artists of comparable standing who might have been instead. His fellow impresario of American modernism, Clement Greenberg, believed more particularly in the primacy of form, which derived from the specificity of the medium. But minimalism, sixty years ago, was the last formal re-incarnation of modernism in painting.

This teleological perspective of a self-perpetuating succession of movements in art held sway until the conceptualist movement of the 1960s. Conceptualism grew out of European New Realism, which among other things was a trenchant protest against the western art market and its cult of personality, But its original parent was Marcel Duchamp, who moved to the US after his success at the Armory Show in 1913. It was Duchamp who first declared that ‘art is a game,’ since ‘ego is in everything.’ For the conceptualists, the artist’s activity was of necessity always political. From now on it would be nothing if not a ‘challenge’ to public culture. Art Forum, first published in 1962, took as its mission the promulgation of high culture in the US, and it presented the main body of art criticism that arose around the conceptual movement. To begin with, most of its contributors were aligned with the Greenberg methodology, predicated upon close formal analysis, lucidity of expression and the construction of developmental narratives. But they included Annette Michelson, who lived in Paris for much of the 1950s and 60s and became fully conversant with Continental philosophy, on the basis of which she set out to renew art criticism all over again.

Meanwhile in 1966 a colloquium took place at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, entitled The Language of Criticism and the Sciences of Man, to which Roland Barthes, Jacques Lacan, Jacques Derrida and other French intellectuals were invited to speak. The lecture delivered by Derrida is supposed notoriously to have marked the break between structuralism and post-structuralism. This event initiated the general uptake of contemporary French thinking in the American academy.

There also emerged, at about this time, the phenomenon of art-writing, or writing as a component of the art-work, as a rejection of the self-important Artforum ‘establishment’ whose writers by now were seen as writing for each other. These writing artists and dissenters were the first university-trained artists in America and included Robert Smithson, Joseph Kosuth and Sol LeWitt, who began to theorize their own work in order ‘to counterbalance a general critical incompetence.’ It should be remembered that the outlook of the beat generation was still current: aesthetic, political and literary. But as with every other serious-minded initiative, this became, as another critic pointed out, another critique of the institution that ended up legitimating the institution. Nowadays ‘art-writing’ is fully institutionalized through academic cceptance, despite being described in the London Review of Books some years ago as ‘fragmentary, inconculsive and digressive; Tristram Shandy without the jokes, or the point.’

The periodical Art-Language was produced at the end of the 1960s in the UK by the Art & Language ‘conceptual artists collaboration,’ whose contributors shared the opinion that ‘the practice of conceptual art is primarily theory and its form predominately textual.’ in 1974 the journal Semiotext(e) was founded by a semiotics reading group at Columbia University, first with readings of Nietzsche and Saussure, then Foucault, John Cage and Gilles Deleuze, with the intention of introducing French theorists to American readers. But in 1976 Annette Michelson and her colleague Rosalind Krauss left Artforum to found the journal October.

Krauss, former Greenbergian neophyte at Artforum in the late 1960s, had come to the proposition that the real interest of critical writing lies in its methods rather than its judgements: not in what is meant, but in how meaning is generated; hence her attention to linguistic theory. Lacan’s engagement with linguistics had led from his insight that the unconcious functions like a language; Krauss was searching for a methodology with which to establish more rigorous interpretive criteria. She set herself against Greenberg’s view of modernism, predicated on pronouncements of aesthetic value – what she called an ‘art history of the proper name’ – and at October she and Michelson introduced many French poststructuralist texts, translated by Krauss herself. But like Rosenberg and Greenberg she maintained the emphasis of New York as the global centre of advanced art. Her principal interest was in sculpture, for which she saw photography as the ‘operative model.’ The translations (from Barthes, in this example) would arrive on the page as follows:

‘What this (photographic) message specifies is, in effect, that the relation of signified and signifier is quasi-tautological. Undoubtedly the photograph implies a certain displacement of the scene, but this passage is not a transformation (as an encoding must be). Here there is a loss of equivalency (proper to true sign systems) and the imposition of a quasi-identity. Put another way, the sign of this message is no longer drawn from an institutional reserve; it is not coded… It is thus at the level of the denotated message or message without code that one can plainly understand the real unreality of the photograph.’

The Saussurean jargon, incomprehensible yet still perfectly parsable, was enthusiastically taken up by dissertation writers at American universities. The wholesale transmission of a few theorists from France into the humanities departments of North America came about under the particular conditions of academic work in American society. Universities are more confined to the enclave of the campus, owing to their relatively weak valorization in mainstream media, while the liberal arts are dominated by English departments and social sciences, and ruled by positivist and economic paradigms, especially since the 1980s. These observations may help to explain how the infusion of continental theory threw up the framework for a new orthodoxy and a new curriculum.

It was recently suggested, in a fashionable online journal, that the ‘translated French’ sound of October‘s literature was assumed, and affected, by other arts publications, beginning with Artforum; then became increasingly mannered, detached from the arguments it had originally served, and re-formulated as an independent argot among artists themselves, and other writers of promotional literature, statements, press releases, exhibition guides, grant proposals and wall texts. This does seem to have happened. But it remains to be understood how and when meaning was allowed to drop out of the language altogether, to the extent that further translation from English becomes impossible.

In 1973 TJ Clark published Image of the People, a study of Courbet which became the founding text for what has been the dominant art-historical approach of the last three decades: the social history of art. Its purpose was ‘to discover the links which bind together art and politics,’ from a resolutely Marxist perspective; radical at the time. Like Krauss, Clark dismissed the old narrative of an heroic avant-garde, and formalist celebrations of ‘an art of pure sensation.’ The hundreds of thousands of artists who absorbed his ideas began to insert themselves into the discourse ‘ironically’ and graduates from Anglo-American art schools have done the same ever since, as a matter of course.

The ideologies that governed the American academy were being received, and starting to take effect, in British art schools just at the time that I myself graduated in the early 1980s. The ‘academization’ of art in the UK proceeded very quickly after the Thatcher government closed London’s old independent art schools, and after the 1988 Education Act, which allowed more administrative control.

Much American art had been nurtured in the purlieus of art schools like CalArts, which is how original initiatives like pop art and conceptualism became neutralized, routine and inane. In the 1970s CalArts implemented a ‘post-studio’ programme whose purpose was to supply students with the information they needed to make their careers. ‘Being informed’ did not mean being educated; it meant studying Artforum and October and being steeped in contemporary theory, because the stated goal of the institution was to produce career-minded artists and media strategists. In America from the mid-1960s museums and universities collaborated in the propagation and theorizing of new art. The Museum of Modern Art and the Whitney Museum of Contemporary Art in New York disseminated their values through the American education system. The ‘progressive’ ethos became industrialized and dogmatic. In their concerns for an aesthetic that conformed to the establishment, schools fostered competition instead of a truly creative discourse, because the art-educational spectrum was polarized between modernism and postmodernism and sustained a conflict between them. In effect, postmodernist discourse itself is the suspension of opposites without resolution.

During this period there have been two other relevant developments: a phenomenal growth in private collectors and museums, and the unprecedented degree of the incursion of the market, which recovered its dominance over the art world in the Reagan era. This monetarist art culture dated from the early 1960s when the ‘blockbuster’ was invented, and André Malraux sent the Mona Lisa across the Atlantic to gratify John Kennedy’s megalomania. In the 1980s the price of historic art became absurdly inflated; once the stock of old masters was exhausted, contemporary art then became more expensive than it had ever been. Of course, this induced the need for an uninterrupted supply of new art whose high monetary value could be justified, so curators and critics were constantly seeking out and seizing upon ‘the next big thing,’ which turned up everywhere and anywhere. In the academies, immature artists were pressured to bring into being something spectacular and innovative, and to theorize their work as they went along. At the same time the autonomy of the intellectual field was diminished, because it no longer controlled its own agencies of legitimation.

Among French theorists, Baudrillard especially has been lionized in the American art world since his essay The Precession of Simulation was published in Semiotext(e) in 1983. His argument is that, since culture is now consigned to the endless production of imagery with no reference to the real world, ‘simulation envelopes the whole edifice of representation as itself a simulacrum.’ He created a set of vogue words to evoke the entropic state of Western culture; such as ‘simulacrum,’ ‘hyperrealization’ and ‘closure.’ His lecture at the Whitney Museum in 1987 was ardently and copiously attended by collectors, dealers and artists, whom he told that the art object could pre-empt its condition as merchandise by ‘becoming more mercantile than merchandise itself.’ Since Baudrillard reduces all cultural meaning to ‘simulacra,’ his pronouncements tend to the market assumption that art has no purpose but self-promotion. He further claimed that ‘art presupposes that all problems have been resolved.’ This statement now brings to mind a description of romanticism – made several years later by the British painter Miles Richmond – as ‘the ranks of artists who make life more comfortable for the already comfortable.’ But Richmond would have had no time for Baudrillard, for whom, evidently, all art is of this kind; something you do in your spare time.

The American painter Peter Halley, a devotee to Baudrillard, declared in his eulogy to the deceased philosopher that ‘in (his) system, language is freed from the constraints of the real world.’ Halley has provided much of the writing on his own art, including this example from 1993:

‘if placing a frame around culture, if “framing” the media, properly describes the mechanism of appropriation. then the mere consciousness of the frame bracketing or framing the frame or the framer, and the hybridization of this regression and instrumentalization, both captures the legacy of appropriation and projects its demise in the hyperframe.’

In the lexicon of contemporary art English from which such Baudrillian incantation is assembled we also find words like aporia, biopolitical, dialectic, tension and transversal. An artist’s work interrogates, questions, encodes, transforms, subverts, imbricates, displaces or serves to do so. Suffixes such as -ion, –ity, –ality, –ization are added to make nouns; visual becomes visuality, global becomes globality, potential becomes potentiality, experience becomes experiencability. The prefixes para-, proto-, post– and hyper– expand the language exponentially. There is a heavy proliferation of dependent clauses and adverbial phrases, such as radically question or playfully and subversively invert. What the words mean no longer matters, since there is no longer anything, in Samuel Beckett’s phrase, that ‘must be tried to be said.’

The main transformations in art practice of the past thirty years have taken place in sculpture, to which Rosalind Krauss attended closely. Sculpture discarded its factual self-sufficiency and became a kind of painting, or photograph, with a frame that extends to include the viewer. The character of three-dimensional art, as it may now be more appropriate to call it, has become asocial, fragmenting and confrontational. The inherited images of order, integration and ideal autonomy are no longer credible. ‘Experiential’ is what art must be, in the sense of providing experiences – by contrast with experience, as it was once understood. The commitment to materials is also long gone; the audience – or ‘witnessing publics’ as someone at New York University decided it should thereafter be known – is where the substance of the thing lies. This is the domain of ‘relational aesthetics,’ the term introduced by Nicholas Bourriard in 1998; the paradigm of ‘gallery-as-laboratory’ and ‘artist-as-designer.’ Bourriard, a progeny of Duchamp, reiterates the belief that artistic activity is a ‘game,’ not ‘an immutable essence.’ The artwork is no longer ‘a space to be walked through’ but ‘a time to be lived through.’ This movement or development has grown with, and out of, the possibilities afforded by new media which, it is elsewhere claimed, ‘consecrates the social freedom of the artist.’ Relational art offers not the encounter between viewer and object but ‘inter-subjective encounters… meaning is elaborated collectively, rather than in the space of individual consumption.’ What is required of a good artist in the age of relational aesthetics is ‘sociality, not mastery.’

The need for relational art seems to me to accord with certain societal changes in the west. there is distrust, not to say hostility, towards representations of cultural authority, and this was first and most clearly discernible in language. A generation has grown up insulated by visual media from any first-hand contact with the natural environment. Meanwhile the tradition of drawing was destroyed in the American academy in a single generation, because its skills were no longer taught. This became evident in the 1980s figurative revival, carried out by the worst generation of draughtsman in the the history of art. in the UK, I was one of the last students to study drawing as an independent discipline. This activity is now no longer understood because it is concerned with absolute values, and with the expansion of consciousness in the tangible world. The loss of this tradition is unique to our century.

If you decide to reform a culture, language is the easiest point of attack. Art criticism has given way to theory, or the theology of repudiation. Art is now a collaboration in which we pursue ideas about ourselves. But an idea that cannot be expressed in words, however elusive the words, cannot be worth expressing, In the present mass-culture, everyone is both a producer and consumer of art. What is produced is ‘avant-garde;’ what is consumed is ‘kitsch.’ Critical thinking is getting harder, especially in America where, I am told, depreciation or simple disapproval is increasingly proscribed. In the ‘friended’ world of social media, at least among the young, adversarial stimuli is ignored or prohibited. A thought is not considered a thought until it is shared. No-one makes solitary excursions into the mountainside in order to draw something, because in order for such an act to have any meaning, one would have to exercise the language of critical inquiry.

I wish to finish, as I began, in the early 1960s, with a comment from Sir Lawrence Gowing in this (holds up) exhibition catalogue from the Tate Gallery in London. The exhibition was one of the biggest surveys of European and American art in the 20th century. Gowing’s peroration to his catalogue essay begins thus:

‘Why call it expression? Why call it meaning? (Better call it thirst or hunger). The only purpose of words, or criticism and of catalogue introductions, is to clear the words away. Art has always been basically a matter of need.’

Bibliography:

Bourriard, Nicholas, Relational Aesthetics (les Presses du Reel, 1998)

Gowing, Lawrence, catalogue essay for 54-64: Painting & Sculpture of a Decade, organized by the Calouste Culbenkian Foundation at the Tate Gallery, London (London: Shenval Press Limited, 1964)

Hughes, Robert, Nothing If Not Critical (The Harvill Press, 1995)

Hughes, Robert, American Visions (The Harvill Press, 1997)

Levine, David & Rule, Alix, ‘International Art English’ in Triple Canopy 16 (July 2012)

Morgan, Robert C., The End of the Art World (Allworth Press, 1998)

Potts, Alex, The Sculptural Imagination (Yale University Press, 2000)

Read, Herbert, Education through Art (London: Faber & Faber, 1943)

Richmond, Miles, statement in Miles Richmond y Ronda (Convento de Santo Domingo, 2006)

Shone and Stonard (eds.), The Books That Shaped Art History (London: Thames & Hudson, 2013)

Addenda A~M

Absorbent ground

A letter (unpublished!) to the London Review of Books, 3rd December 2021

‘Could it be,’ asks the painter Naomi Grant, ‘that looking isn’t enough’ to transform ‘the literal into something revelatory?’ (LRB, 2 December). A year earlier (19 November 2020) Colm Tóibín finds it ‘strange’ that switching on an electric light ‘took all the mystery out of’ Tintoretto’s Crucifixion in the church of San Cassiano. These puzzles would detain those of us squinting across the art school life-room, when dusk approached on winter afternoons and our tutor declared that ‘the darker it is, the clearer the issues become.’ In nature, as Hans Hofmann observed, light creates colour, whereas in painting colour creates light, even on a gloomy morning in Venice (the electric light cancels its power). But drawing was essential training for the artist’s encounter with the subject, ‘in ridding the mind of preconceptions… in attention to the pulse of expansion and contraction within the sensory field (and) the passage of everything from its temporal to its eternal condition’ (the late Miles Richmond). Grant ‘crops’ the subject with a viewfinder. This reduces the entire sensorium to an eye, and painting to design. But the tangible precedes the optical, and anything ‘just looked’ at is full of movement, as the difficulty of drawing it reveals. René Huyghe described Delacroix’s creation of a ‘complete spell’ and ‘silent power’ that ‘seizes all the faculties of the soul.’ Richmond refused either to see nature as expressive of ideas about ourselves, or to make representations of the merely visible: ‘The sense within the artist must equal the sense received from without.’

Battle of the Trees

Julian Bell‘s article ‘Territory’ appeared in the spring 1996 issue of Modern Painters (Vol. 9, no.1). I reproduce it here, together with a brief (and very late) response.

Here’s a big gang of painters – 22 in all, plus four sculptors – who look like a group, act like a group – working and meeting in the area around Brighton – and are putting themselves forward in a big exhibition with something like a manifesto. Somewhere behind them stands the mentor figure of Dennis Creffield, who has taught in Brighton since the 1970s, and somewhere behind him the ancestor figure of David Bomberg. But the exhibitors here look like artistic grown-ups, for the most part, with minds and hands of their own. They are mostly in their 30s or 40s. Their maturity makes the fully fledged group consciousness all the more striking.

As probably happens with most worthwhile groups, the participants when I met them all seemed keen to shout each other down when asked what values united them. But the catalogue statement by Charles Koning must presumably have survived this process. It stresses that their work is ‘figurative, meaning that all the artists desire to summon up an “other” presence,’ whether from ‘surrounding space… or feeling within.’ It specifies a wish to ‘reinvent a sense of being amidst nature – not nature as something fossilized, but as a source that lives and breathes in the work.’ It adds that ‘all use their material – oil paint, clay, bronze – as a visceral and dynamic substance, as a direct echo of those qualities within their subjects.’ For this show in Brighton’s Phoenix Gallery, there has been a group agenda of tackling big canvases which bear somehow on the chosen tag of ‘territory.’

What does all this amount to as a generic look? Something fairly distinctive – ‘visceral’ gives the tone of it. Fat brushes have tanked up on heavily laden palettes, and thrust the paint forward over the canvas until that becomes a force-field of turbid oils. Often the brush trawls between squeezings to arrive at the kind of composite sludge – somewhere between mauve, milk chocolate, eau-de-nil and beige that is the entropic end-state of the pigment universe. This sludge acts as a drone, over which intense notes of colour sometimes sing out. The tunes tend to recur; velvety deep ultramarines, chilly blackish greens, Mars Red the colour of offal. Frequently matt black helps pick out a motif.

But – as Koning’s stretchy definition of ‘figurative’ suggests – this is the kind of painting in which the image itself, the record of what’s seen, is secondary. The primary thing the paintwork embodies is the ‘otherness’ that whatever you happen to look at is full of. The particulars float or are submerged in it. Most characteristically, what the group depicts is a hill. The place, I suppose, where the common ‘territory’ beneath us all comes to the painter’s assistance by setting itself up in a big presentation before the eyes, instead of sneaking evanescently away towards the horizon. Sometimes the chosen chunks of solid otherness are the local South Downs – as in the paintings of John Leach and James Noble, for instance; sometimes the painters look further afield – as with Virginia Buckley’s and Bob Stones’s marvellous visions of French and Spanish mountains. Otherwise there are chiefly trees and seas and beasts; a very few figures and interiors; only once a street.

The driving example behind this programme – or so the work suggests – is the painting of Julian Le Bas. His blasting translations of the Channel in dirty weather are magnificent in their organized energy, sharing the spirit of Nolde’s seascapes and standing the comparison. Also heroic in their attempts to convert image into self-sufficient structures of paint are (Jack Leavey’s) Eucalyptus and Sean McCann’s Highland Loch. A long, rumbling landscape-cum-conflagration by Jackie Day is another nexus of the show’s energies. Somewhere to one side of these are virtually imageless things – rather beautiful, responses to ‘feeling within,’ as Koning might put it – by Richard Granville-Smith and Nick Snelling; to another side, some tortuous, disputatious tussles with the motif by David Cook. To another again, the familiar notion that the route to the primal lies through the neolithic, which seems to crop up in Helen Gilbart’s sculpture and Koning’s own Horse. I’m not sure that the sculpture integrates with the painting as well as it should, though Katie Sollohub comes up with goods in both media. But thus to chop up the exhibits is not to deny the strong cohesive force of the whole display.

Let’s take this phenomenon seriously, qua proposition, and disagree with it. They haven’t reinvented a sense of nature; they’ve fallen in with a tradition of that name. There is no Nature. The word’s a way of isolating part of the experiential entirety and setting it over and against the rest – call that artificial, urban, whatever. Painters shouldn’t do this; they should keep their eyes open. In truth, the South Downs are covered with Coke cans from the coastal conurbations, and at night their rims are red with streetlight.

Well, the trouble with arguing with paintings is that painters in the first place paint, not the truth, but what they want, what fills their eyes with desire. One painting here, anyway, refutes the above. It is of a hog, in a clearing in a wood where a bird flutters and there are some houses, and behind the wood a construction crane is working. I find by the cadence in which I am led to describe this painting by Michael Davies that his image is affecting me sentimentally, with its nuances of childlikeness and insecurity; but this hog seems to me one of the most intensely imagined animals in English art since Bewick. Like Le Bas, and several others in this powerful vindication of painting, Davies is making what he wants into the truth.

Derry Court: Campania

The appearance of the Byzantine crucifix, underfoot among ruins, was curious because as a British émigré in Korea it had been many years since I had seen anything of that kind. In a newspaper seven years later, shortly after the Russian invasion, I come across a photograph of debris, scattered in a Ukrainian street after the bombardment of someone’s home, in the centre of which lies a very similar object in the same attitude.

Derry Court: The boat

In the final scene I imagine my father telling his friends about a dream of his own that he once had recounted to me:

‘Well, it was a sort of recess, a cove, with a small strip of shingle, cut off by the cliff in both directions. Couldn’t climb out; too sheer. The sun was going down, the tide was coming in and I had to find somewhere to spend the night.’

‘But you had your hammock, you say.’

‘Yes. You know, we all had one in our kit. And there was something else: a huge iron ring, set in the cliff face, just above the tide mark. Nothing could have pulled it out except a battleship with a chain, or something. I could just about get to it…’

‘So that’s one end of the hammock. What about the other?’

‘Well, that was the thing. About ten feet along the cliff face was this bendy little sapling, growing out of the rock. It kept flopping about when I tried to tie the strings on, and the hammock kept slipping off… then it got so dark I could hardly see…’

‘And then?’ asks Rodney. ‘Rescue by helicopter? Ha! Falklands task force.’

‘No. I don’t know. That’s when I woke up.’

‘Sounds as if it would make quite an interesting painting, doesn’t it?’

Equivalent centres: a letter to the guardian, 20 September 2026

Raphael Rashid (I live in the ‘coolest neighbourhood’ in the world. It’s not as great as you’d think, 19 September) wonders how the ranking affects people who live in areas like Jongno 3-ga. It’s saddening and vexing. I moved to North Seoul 22 years ago and each day would walk, and draw, in these places which were unlike anything anywhere. It was cheaper to eat out than in, and your hosts made sure you had your fill. That city is now unimaginable. My Korean wife, family and friends think twice about going out as in the past. Where we used to meet, eat and talk, the bastardy of K-culture has supplanted the original item in almost every particular. How corrosive it is to native mores isn’t yet clear. Long-term residents have been forced out of once-quiet streets thronged endlessly by travellers, YouTubers and influencers, who are blameless, thinks Rashid, because ‘they were told’ to come. Centralization in Seoul, an unresolved legacy of the ‘economic miracle’, means this is where the young have to be. But owning a home here has long been utterly beyond their means. Two hours up the road, as if in another country, my widowed father-in-law works his farm more or less exactly as he has done for 60 years. There, only the climate has changed, devastatingly.

Equivalent centres: David Sylvester on Giacometti:

S: ‘Something that is looked at for any length of time is as elusive as if seen for an instant…

‘The model can go on standing still for ever, but the work will nonetheless be an accumulation of memories none of which is quite the same as any other, because each of them is affected by what has gone before, by the continually changing relation between what has already been put down and the next glance at the model… our mind has to get outside the sensation before we can copy it, our very awareness of having a sensation pushes it into the past, for we cannot think about our present thought, it slips away as we try and grasp it, because we try and grasp it. The artist can never get there, whether he works from nature and builds up an accumulation of memories… or whether he works from memory and constructs a synthesis of what he remembers having seen. Giacometti’s work lays naked the despair known to every artist who has tried to copy what he sees.’

G: ‘It might be supposed that realism consists in copying a glass as it is on the table. In fact, one never copies anything but the vision that remains of it at each moment, the image that becomes conscious. You never copy the glass on the table; you copy the residue of a vision… each time I look at the glass, it seems to be remaking itself, that is to say, its reality becomes uncertain, because its projection into my head is uncertain, or partial. You see it as if it were disappearing, coming into view again, disappearing, coming into view again – that’s to say, it really always is between being and not being. And that is what one wants to copy… Simply trying to draw a glass as you see it seems rather a modest enterprise. But then, as you know that’s practically impossible, you no longer know whether it’s modesty or pride… The distance between any work of art and the immediate reality of no matter what has become too great, and in fact only reality interests me now and I know I could spend the rest of my life in copying a chair.’

David Sylvester, Looking at Giacometti (London: Chatto & Windus Ltd., 1994); translations by Pamela Sylvester and Barbara Wright.

The Burglar: The Battle of the Trees

In shelter linger / Privet and woodbine / Inexperienced in warfare; / And the courtly pine… – Robert Graves, ‘The White Goddess’

A few years previous to the loss of Derry Court, my home at the time, I set about a series of paintings of a large Buddleia that stood to the rear of the house at the head of a flight of brick steps. It filled the large window of the downstairs kitchen. My first attempt took place as comet Halle-Bopp hung in the sky beside the tree. I could not resist painting it in. But nothing about the painting would work until I painted it out again. At least I learned that, whatever I was trying to accomplish, it was not the Bayeux tapestry or an etching by Samuel Palmer. Typically, however, what verve my work may have possessed failed to make up for its lack of analysis.

Far from the Normans, or the Shoreham Ancients, what I had in my head were paintings by Van Gogh, Cézanne, Mondrian and (variously) Soutine. In those fifty years so much had been done with trees. I wanted to develop what Klee called ‘methods of total colour painting,’ and began to work more with flat brushes than round. But I found that I still depended entirely on my lines, on ‘pure drawing’ or ‘pure tone painting,’ incapable of synthesizing colour and line or ‘combining and again combining, but preserving the culture of the pure element.’ Yet I had stared for years at the systems of planes, depths and interacting pressures of space and form in Cézanne’s paintings in the forest at Château Noir. To this day I have not succeeded in achieving that synthesis. Klee added: ‘I dream of a work of really great breadth, ranging through the whole region of element, object, meaning and style. This, I fear, will remain a dream, but it is a good thing even now to bear the possibility occasionally in mind.’*

(At Château Noir, Cézanne had left behind the infinite and imponderable expanse of light in his L’Estaque paintings: ‘I remember the once so picturesque coast… what is called progress is nothing but the invasion of bipeds who will not rest until they have transformed everything into hideous quais with… electric lamps).’**

Image: Eucalyptus

Thirty years ago the painter and writer Julian Bell kindly agreed at my request to review an exhibition organized by me and my artist friends. He and we were then much younger but his piece, published in Modern Painters, made points that are still worth discussing (see Addenda). A black-and-white reproduction of my contribution, a five-foot painting of a Eucalyptus tree, was printed above the article. I was of course grateful for this, but particularly grateful that it was not in colour – we weren’t famous enough for that – because when I turned to the page it was immediately clear that the strength of the structure of paint (praised by Bell as ‘self-sufficient’) derived from the vigour of broad lines struck across the canvas at arm’s length, and its arrangement of tones; not the unrealized power of paint to create light, and therefore space, from colour. (In nature the reverse applies). The reduction to monochrome greatly favoured the painting, and the thing itself is at its best when seen across a dim room at dusk. I might add, however, that it was painted with my left hand, which I used only because the other had suffered a fracture. I knew the painting would be no worse for it. The painter Augustus John tried to by-pass the facility of his dominant right hand by working with a piece of charcoal fixed to his elbow, in order for his drawing to lose factitiousness and recover directness and spontaneity. But by the time he saw the need it was late in the day, and I would say his sister Gwen was the better artist, by some distance. The hand will just repeat what it’s done before, so the brain must be on guard.

In Seoul, most of the trees I have attempted to draw or paint have been felled, sometimes before my work was complete. This is, as often as not, an unnecessary barbarism at the behest of motorists who resent having to drive round them, or of others (surprisingly many) who would rather have no tree than tolerate leaf litter in autumn, or in order to remove an obstruction to private development. As yet there are no controls enactive on the recognition of a common entitlement to the enjoyment of trees. The road through Seongbuk-Dong from Hanseong University station, near Hyehwamun, once lay alongside a stream, now buried beneath one of its carriageways. These are separated by a central reservation bearing a row of large plane trees for several hundred yards. Looking up the road that runs north and west, the profile of Bukhak mountain is seen behind the towering branches. Further along, ginkgo trees begin to predominate. The plane trees, cheaply available but not of a hardy type, were planted everywhere in the postwar years, so many native trees having been removed during the colonial period. Since they have proved susceptible to disease, operations have been under way to replace them with native species. To draw the trees and the mountain beyond as I wished, I was obliged to join them in the centre of the busy road, where I made a few attempts with graphite on watercolour paper. This was a few years after my arrival. Soon afterwards the first in the line of trees was abruptly removed by the council, without notice, simply owing to pressure from a group of wealthy residents desiring direct access to the new Starbucks. Before it could get to the second tree the cutting team was prevented by an ad hoc gathering of other citizens who rightly believed that they ought to have been consulted. Although the curtailed row of planes survived one or two more changes of government, regular pruning became progressively severe. Now, in accordance with the new policy, some have vanished anyway as the interpolation of new trees proceeds. But the view of Bukhansan from the far end of Seongbuk-Dong is still worth drawing, thanks to efforts by the same locals on the qui vive to prevent the incursion of high-rise commercial blocks that would make Seongbuk look like Seocho-Dong. This threat returns every few years. Left to itself, the council will follow the money. It’s time for me to get back on the central reservation, this time with a pencil, and make a better job of the drawing. After doing so I will display the result here.

On the title page of A Life Draws Out I am photographed drawing in a field. The subject, out of frame, is the farmhouse in Cheorwon that was the home of my wife’s parents. Whether on that occasion I was making the particular drawing shown here, I can’t say, since I’ve drawn the building many times. A number of elderly trees surround the house. The one occupying the left half of the drawing is a Korean chestnut (castanea crenata); to the right, mostly unseen, is a motley group of acacias, apple trees and others. The house, about fifty miles north-east of Seoul and five from the DPRK, stands on a plain surrounded (not unusually in Korea) by mountains; most of those in view are something under a thousand metres high. To the rear – that is, due north – of the artist’s viewpoint are rice fields and, a mile away, the town of Sincheorwon (‘New Cheorwon,’ the old town lying slightly closer to the border). If not for the war and its proximity to North Korea, Cheorwon – situated at the centre of a unified peninsula – would have become a city and administrative hub of considerable size. A railway once ran from Seoul and on to the port of Wonsan and the far north; some of it is still visible. Most of the land worked by my father-in-law lies to the south of the house. Before her sadly early death in 2015, he and my wife’s mother kept dairy cows, in addition to which my wife remembers oxen and pigs, seen everywhere in the country not long ago.

Long ago my MA research thesis (for the department of Museum Studies at Leicester University) was justly criticized, in respect of the writing style, for its convoluted phrasing, opaque syntax and ‘resistance’ to unpacking complex ideas for the reader. If I had done more academic writing – a PhD perhaps – or even a course in creative writing, I might have begun to improve on those points. But I accepted the appraisal without acting on it. I thought of myself as a painter, not a writer, and wanted to get back to painting. If I had to explain the business of the artist, I would have said it was to ‘make the invisible visible’ (as I recall the phrase belongs to William James, early in the modernist century). The extension of perception and consciousness induced by working from life had become the whole point of the exercise. But the deficiencies in my writing, just as identified by my assessor, were those that affected my drawings also. I did not perceive this for many years. If I had thought I was on to something, I was wrong; my rhetorical, jabbing gestures towards engagement with the subject were ineloquent and turgid, and did not unpack that experience for the viewer. It seems to me now that the Cheorwon drawings were made at a time when the delivery was starting to become more ordered and refined, a little less incoherent.

Yeoido is an odd place; a flat island in the Han, the shape of a beech leaf, about three-fifths occupied by the country’s towering financial centre. I’ve always sensed an eeriness around those areas of Seoul where development has advanced fastest and furthest, over layers of devastation and tragedy only decades distant, but it is especially affecting on a north-west segment of the island, a relatively vacant area of about a square mile from which one looks up at that abrupt wall of steel and glass. Here, during the first World War, the Japanese imperial army laid an airstrip; later developed as a commercial airport, then used by the American military, it was decommissioned in 1971. Beyond this, where Yeoido ends, the National Assembly building was constructed soon afterwards, in typically lumpish style, by the Park Chung-Hee government. By Yeoido station Hyundai has built the most colossal and extravagantly gaudy shopping mall I’ve ever dragged myself around, no doubt surpassed by others somewhere. But it’s the ginkgo trees in winter, stretching up from the street between the swaggering mirror-clad fortresses, that have attracted me to Yeoido, since I observed this juxtaposition from an interesting angle, seated in a ground-floor coffee shop.

As with many subjects, the conditions are most interesting for drawing when it’s too cold to draw out-of-doors. As in photography, light is everything and best in the mid-afternoon. I’ve so far produced a series of small, pencil or biro drawings and one black-and-white oil sketch (herewith). Some time ago, on the basis of these, I began a more ambitious, and still unfinished, painting. When it comes to something satisfactory it will be displayed here.

Yet another coffee shop opened by some celebrity in my neighbourhood, which I investigated immediately, as is my custom, for the possibilities it afforded for drawing, closed after only a year; but customers had access to a terrace with a fine pine tree, standing by the perimeter wall, and a large group of others on the far side. As in Yeoido, I worked in the winter, when the light was most interesting and the cold – not quite so severe as to prevent me drawing altogether, although it did begin to snow on one occasion – ensured that I had the place to myself. What follows dilates upon notes scribbled on the drawing in progress (two years ago as I write). Some way into the drawing, as I concentrated on my lines and how they interrelated, the fact came clearly to mind that, while the tree leaned and twisted back as it rose, in relation to my standpoint it did so in more than one plane; its trunk changed direction, not only towards the left of my field of vision, but deeper into that space – moving along my line of sight – at the same time. Since I had failed to take this in – or, to put it more baldly, hadn’t been looking – a complete revision of my system of marks was necessary. Not that I minded; this seems always to have to happen. A total vision of the subject is repeatedly lost and regained, but I know that it can be preserved in the work as long as I persist.

Now looking at the finished drawing, however, I’m exasperated by the branch exiting near the top right corner, since it isn’t clear what’s becoming of it up there. What is its orientation and is it dividing, fattening or turning back on the viewer? In any case, it won’t do; such a defect anywhere throws the whole thing out. Despite what I feel I get right, there will be crudities and ambiguities in all my work that I fail to recognize before it’s too late to amend them. I sometimes fear, at times when I find that my attention has slackened or the work feels undisciplined, that I’ve reverted to drawing like a child and am in danger of having made no real progress thereafter. While making this drawing I recalled an art class, at seven years old, in which we were made to paint trees; and that the teacher told another boy, who used the whole height of the paper for the trunk in order to dispense with the tiresome branches, that his scheme was ‘crafty but allowable.’ Meanwhile, this being early February in Seoul and, as I say, cold, my fingers reached the limit of their endurance after an hour. Another teacher, also long ago – in the winter of my foundation course – correctly pointed out an advantage of drawing in the cold; that one is forced to apprehend the issues swiftly and get straight to the heart of the matter. She also predicted that I would ‘go far’ as an artist once I overcame my confusion, as I absolutely must, over what I might or should do with the facility I possessed. That may have been feasible in theory; no one could have known that I was never going to.

In the post Sometime professor the story is briefly told of my drawing another tree, somewhat larger, in the grounds of the university where I taught English for twelve years (an occupation as barren of interest as any in my working life). One day I took with me, on the two-hour journey to the place, a metre-long drawing board with heavy watercolour paper affixed, and between lessons set to work with a box of charcoal (since I felt like a change of materials) on a narrow bank of tall pines. I placed the board against the particular tree I had chosen to work from and looked upwards. Rather than, basically, a vertical bisecting a horizontal, my idea was to draw the form rising into the space overhead. This was a good deal harder to pull off than I expected, and I have strong doubts about the result. I wonder if I might not as well have tried to draw a telegraph pole. I told myself that everything important in the motif – the direction and thrust of the forms and the shapes and pressure of the spaces between them – could be carefully and deftly reproduced in clean, fine lines separated by areas of white paper. This, indistinctly, was my visualized outcome. Something of the kind might have been done with a pencil, but for the first time in many years I was using charcoal, which made for a structure of tones as much as lines, and – in my hands – a general regression towards the ponderously pictorial. I did not want to spell out how the tree stands and what it does, but to do only what was necessary to represent, without extravagance, the actual impression of looking up. But in the event it’s a lesser drawing than the one I set out to make. It is always amazing to see how the smallest change in the length, breadth or direction of a line affects the motion, energy and integrity of a drawing. But this one, at least, does not make any adventurous use of the transforming power of the material. It seems that, for all the thirty or so years I spent messing about with charcoal, I did not go far enough with it; my drawing began to improve markedly only when I switched to pencil, and when I took up the charcoal again I found I could not, for the moment, carry into it what I had gained in the meantime. The only thing for it is to have another try; there are still plenty of trees around.

*Paul Klee, On Modern Art, translated by Paul Findlay (London: Faber & Faber, 1966) p. 54

**John Rewald, Cezanne (London: Thames & Hudson, 1986) pp. 239-240

The Burglar: equivalent centres

Siege laid again to the impregnable without. Eye and hand fevering after the unself. – Samuel Beckett

In my introductory post I mention my debt to the painter Tatiana Litvinov, who didn’t waste time. As I primed six-foot canvases and hauled them around the Sussex Downs in search of some arresting natural feature, wearing myself out before I had even set up my materials, she simply worked, day to day, with whatever was to hand, from motifs found in urban settings that I would have overlooked. Professor John Milner, curator of one of her last exhibitions, describes this ‘analytical process of observation leading to dynamic constructions in drawings and paintings’ and Tatiana’s ‘agility and inventiveness’ that enabled her to see and realize the dramatic potential in her subjects. As far as I know she never returned from a train journey without a clutch of drawings made of other passengers, as they slept or gazed out at the landscape. Of course the ‘analysis,’ getting to the heart of the matter, comes with experience. I am nearing the age Tatiana had reached when I first knew her. Nothing I’ve done stands comparison with the singularity and vigour of her work. But among the artists I’ve known she remains my most important teacher, not less for my becoming an émigré in east Asia. She often spoke of her ‘rootlessness,’ which would accord with what Milner calls ‘her appetite for independent discovery’ and although, as he adds, her work was fed by memory as much as direct observation, her investigations did not allow too much time for introspection.

I was both an early beginner and a late developer. I’ve been drawing since I was a small child, but never again as freely as then. Later I was increasingly given to making notes, which tended to be written rather than drawn (the People’s Janitor dwells on this elsewhere). The writing was driven by an endless whirl of ideas that produced nothing of exchange value and generally were not worth the recording and examining. Occasionally having the sense to stop writing in mid-sentence and use the pen to start drawing instead was an instant relief, a revelation. Drawing, unlike writing, was a welcome interaction with externality, like picking up an axe or a spade. But setting out to make a drawing, like serious writing, takes gumption. The kind that brings relief, the only kind I wish to do, entails the discipline of looking. If it were easy there would be no benefit.

As an undergraduate, years before meeting Tatiana, I favoured long poses in the life-room, but for the wrong reasons. I have mentioned this in the post hard lines; I hope the repetition is bearable. I relished the opportunity to make an impressive, bold likeness (as I thought) on a large surface and believed that the more time I had to work on a single drawing from a single pose, the better the result would be. But the boldness the drawing really required was the willingness to abandon the dumbly muscular lines, declare nothing, accept risk and above all keep my eyes open. I was eventually forced to do this by the disapprobation of tutors and fellow students. I learned slowly, but began to interrogate my work more severely.

Drawing in sketchbooks didn’t become a habit, unfortunately, for many years after I left art school. When I insisted that my own students make full use of sketchbooks in developing their ideas, this understanding came more naturally to them than it had to me, which was all to the good. It was my job to encourage them to explore every possibility and any medium. But my ideas are worked through on the canvas; none of them survive the process, nor should they. In my case it’s not a journey that might end with a video, an installation or a performance piece. It’s just going to be a long tussle with the same mud on bits of cloth. If I had ever come near to mastering painting, perhaps I might have tried something else, but there it is. At any rate, everything starts with a drawing.

In the 1990s I returned to London for a time and explored some unfamiliar districts, particularly Haringey. I drew in the streets, with a stick of graphite on scraps of paper a few inches square: roads, houses, trees. I still tended to apply unnecessary force, but these drawings were the best I had made at that point and suggested something of a breakthrough. They had become more interesting as things in themselves, but it was only as their efficiency developed further, as they took in more information about form, space and light, that it was possible to use such a drawing as a basis for painting. By then I had exchanged London for Seoul, where I went on drawing in the street, particularly in the early years, and in the markets around Dongdaemun and Euljiro. Eventually a new post at a distant university reduced the opportunity. But those places did not change much until after the covid pandemic, when an immense and unprecedented influx of foreign visitors prompted them to shed their idiosyncracies and become synthetic, ersatz and monocultural, in the way of rapacious makeovers of charming places everywhere. One Korean friend was driven out of the district he had long lived in (see Addenda). Regretfully, the drawings I made before the charm was extirpated still lacked the efficiency I speak of, but it may be possible to reconstitute something from the traces in them, like seedlings, of my firmest impressions.

At the Park Su Geun museum in Yanggu, built to commemorate that artist shortly before I arrived in Korea, his small sketches of people out and about also made a strong impression. But I persisted in expending time and energy on unnecessarily large works, with what now seems perverse obstinacy (and despite – like Park, in fact – having no studio space). It would be difficult to explain why. Eventually I began instead to do everything on a smaller scale, realizing that the power and scope of a drawing has nothing to do with its size, and to close in with my sketchbook on the single figure, seen in passing. More locations and situations offered possibilities for drawing people. Displayed on this page are some of the small drawings I’ve made in them, over a dozen years. It is essential for me to continue this activity. The title is taken from George Eliot’s Middlemarch (p.211): the author observes that the idealism of Dorothea Brooke, in her devotion to Edward Casaubon, makes it difficult ‘…to conceive with that distinctness which is no longer reflection but feeling – an idea wrought back to the directness of sense, like the solidity of objects – that he had an equivalent centre of self, whence the light and shadows must always fall with a certain difference.’

The new place of employment, at Incheon, was two hours from my home in North Seoul. I made the journey three or four days a week, thirty-two weeks of the year, for twelve years. Neither the route nor its destination offers much to interest the landscape painter. Instead, after Tatiana’s example, I would draw other passengers on the train, during the forty-minute run between Yongsan and Juan. There was no need to make a show of this. It isn’t portraiture and doesn’t, in my view, constitute a violation. It has nothing to do with the person and takes nothing from them. To burden them with the consciousness of being drawn would be absurd, and nothing would result. I worked on scraps of drawing paper carried among the foolscap on which, when there was no one to draw, I drafted letters or planned lessons.

The example at the head of this page (Old man eating sweets) is a reworking in oil of a sketch first done with a ballpoint pen. Obligingly my subjects tended to sleep, unless they were absorbed in their phones, which was not entirely helpful in that its fixation on these little boxes makes the human figure less interesting than it has been since it began walking on two legs. The singer Lisa O’Neill recently remarked that, when out and about, it is only old people that she sees ‘looking up.’ Yet the drawing is still a vital exercise. Sometimes I myself was too fatigued, or dithered until the figure I was thinking of drawing stirred, rose and disembarked. On several occasions, waking from a doze, I would find before me an irresistible subject who remained there only a few more seconds. But every opportunity, however fleeting, should be seized.

Another foreigner who used the service regularly – in those days we were few – was a man of about my own age whom I made repeated attempts to draw with a biro pen; a book-reader with a professorial air but easily distracted. Whenever he glanced up I switched my attention back to the letter I was drafting (I always had a half-written letter before me) and beneath which I stealthily slid the drawing one day as he put his book aside, approached me and said: ‘I’ve seen you on this train many times, and very time I see you, you’re writing. And by hand! You’re a novelist, am I right?’ For he himself was a frustrated writer and, like me, an English teacher, on his way to work at a school at Bucheon. Furthermore, as it turned out, he was from Morocco and, once on his feet, conspicuously drunk – drawing sharp looks – though it wasn’t yet eleven in the morning. I confessed that I wrote only letters, which was true. But he wasn’t inquisitive so much as desirous of talk. His stepping out of the drawing, and the unknown, would have made it impossible for me to draw him again. But it was our last meeting; I imagine that he lost his job that day.

A tendency towards disjunctive relations with the world will be underscored rather than modified by going off to live in a strange country, even if those relations in some way occasion the choice. The seclusion of childhood is strongly recalled by certain things: in my case, trains especially. By the age of nine or ten I routinely made suburban train journeys alone, as did other children, in an age that appears ridiculously more remote than it is. It was some sixty years ago. Being an outsider in my present surroundings, and a train passenger, evokes it completely. Gazing out of the window I still imagine, like Wolf Solent on his train journey to Dorset, forty more years back – haunted by the face on the Waterloo steps! – a figure sprinting alongside the carriage, keeping pace with it and deftly leaping over every obstacle. Another sixty years beyond Powys’s novel we find Rosa, in The Mystery of Edwin Drood, whose ‘train came into London over the housetops’; that is, on the viaducts it crossed at the end of a trip from the south-east coast, an experience which once seemed as marvellous to me as it had to Dickens. If I had been a few years older I’d have ridden everywhere from Perranporth to Skerrow Halt, before the Beeching cuts.

I have been familiar with the large Samsung medical centre at Irwon, south of the Han, more or less since my arrival in Korea. A new cancer wing opened at about the time I began the journeys to Incheon. This section includes a mezzanine overlooking a large waiting area below, illuminated by huge windows beyond which – best of all – is a green space covered with tall trees. The older Yonsei University hospital at Sinchon is as sprawling and contains a greater number of interesting spaces, but I haven’t found another location in Seoul that affords such favourable conditions for drawing people with so little likelihood of being observed or interrupted. The first time I went there for this purpose I made a few indifferent sketches of groups of hospital patients and their visitors on the long row of seats before the window, talking, eating, sleeping, ruminating, before I noticed a woman of about seventy, sitting alone and still, whom I drew quickly (Hospital figure 1), having ‘warmed up’ a bit with my previous attempts. This time, the drawing seemed to work better; pausing and wondering how or whether to take it further, I put on my long-distance glasses, which brought the subject into sharper focus. I was using these progressively less, as my long sight improved with age, and clarity of detail tended to divert me from the unity of space and form that was my chief interest. But the glasses also revealed that the woman was weeping, and at this I gave up the drawing and did not look at her again. Nor did I see the drawing for several years. I placed it between the leaves of a rarely-consulted book, and forgot what I had done with it.

Humans, caught / On ground curiously neutral, homes and names / Suddenly in abeyance… (Philip Larkin, ‘The Building’).

Not long ago you would search in vain throughout Seoul for real coffee, but now coffee shops, like bakeries, are found every few yards. A boom has been presided over by the zoomers, moving into areas where their parents and grandparents formerly ran workshops, warehouses or, in the district of Chungmuro, printing presses and photographic laboratories. Costs are rising and the boom may soon end. But over the past three years, from time to time, I’ve returned to a particular cafe on a street corner between Chungmuro and Myeongdong; a single, broad, dusky-walled space filled with tables and bentwood chairs (which I like for their more human shapes), where the coffee is bitter, strong and still affordable, customers tend to be middle-aged or above and interior lighting does not obliterate what sunlight enters the windows, this being quite adequate for working. The general effect recalls, for me, something of the coffee houses in the London suburbs of the sixties and seventies, but in a way that probably could not happen unless by accident.

I’ve made some drawings in concert halls and hope to make many more, but conditions are not always suitable; for example, over-lighting frequently flattens the space occupied by the rostrum and the figures on it. But if I can find a good position to work, without distracting either players or audience, and the lighting is not too strong, there’s nothing to beat drawing musicians. Racing to get a drawing resolved before the end of each movement is deeply thrilling, almost as if I were playing up there with them, because I’ve got to get it right and there’ll be no second chance. I should have done much more of this, much earlier in life. I say that nothing could be better than drawing musicians, but as I’m reminded by Degas – his extraordinary Dancers in the Green Room is presently on display in Seoul – it would be wonderful to draw professional dancers. I’ll see what might be done about that.

For a drawing to work, it has to have movement. Images in comic-books, for example, tend to lack this; motion may be laboriously signified but it isn’t inherent in the figures, however grandiose. The Manga material that is now everywhere is a good example; to me all its forms and depictions, endlessly replicated, seem perfectly static. I can’t say the same of graphic artists I recall from an earlier age, such as Robert Crumb or Leo Baxendale. Whether the drawing is made by a painter or a cartoonist (assuming a human hand), only training in drawing directly from life will induce the understanding that everything seen is filled with movement; that any object resting in space is a mass of changing depths, planes and directions; that as we look at it we move around it, as it moves around us. The object and I are present in one space; this shared presence creates tension, sensed in the drawing, and nothing in this relationship is ever really still.

When I draw something I am drawing the bodily sense of this presence, tension and motion, because I feel it viscerally. An inert drawing would mean that I haven’t been looking. The marks are constantly revised; nothing is made final. In this way the drawing approaches the likeness of the thing, or the likeness of the encounter. I’m not interested in making a representation that’s merely symbolic: an icon, an illustration or a caricature.

Tatiana and I belonged to a ‘big gang of painters’- so called by Julian Bell, kindly reviewing our group exhibition in Modern Painters – all of whom shared a reverence for certain artists of the past. But Alberto Giacometti, whose drawings I first saw in Norwich in 1981, was important to the two of us in particular. In a 1964 interview with David Sylvester, Giacometti compared painting with sculpture:

‘(In) painting you create a total illusion of the reality… when you’re looking at someone full face, for example, you’re not thinking about what’s behind his face; you’re not thinking conceptually, you’re thinking visually. There’s more illusion involved than when you’re working with real volume. With sculpture… Even Rodin still took measurements when he was making his busts. He didn’t model a head as he actually saw it in space, at a certain distance, as I see you now with this distance between us. He really wanted to make… the exact equivalent of the head’s volume in space. So basically it wasn’t visual but conceptual… I think we have for so long automatically accepted the received idea of what a head should look like that we have made ourselves completely incapable of seeing a head as we really see it.

‘I can’t even understand how anyone can do a head life size – either in painting or in sculpture. When I see a life-size head in a picture by Cezanne, or a head by Rodin or Courbet or Titian… I can’t even conceive how they could have done it… (And) if it (the head) is larger than life size, it’s outside our domain… in the course of history, perception has been mentally transposed into concept… I don’t see directly any more, I see you through my knowledge.’*

I stopped watching television forty years ago, twenty years after Giacometti’s death. I couldn’t bear it somehow. Perhaps I have a problem with screens; I also loathe mobile phones. But in those days the size of a TV screen had grown to about twenty-one inches. The illusion of form and space was yet not so uncomfortably far from a natural scale, but now, in super-sized monitors, is amplified many times beyond it. They tend to induce nausea whenever I can’t avoid looking at them. Whether in someone’s home or installed on the side of a building, they’re a Brobdingnagian horror. Their existence, among other things, suggests that the transposition of perception into concept has greatly advanced. If watching TV were compulsory, even for only five minutes a day, I would hope to God that somehow I might be allowed to have back my old black-and-white 625-line, or a Sony Trinitron or something; anything but that luridly digitalized, unsparing, bloated unrealness. But what it comes to is that an artist like Giacometti almost certainly would not have existed in the twenty-first century. That would be a loss for which I see no compensation.

The Romanian-born artist Avigdor Arikha, friend of Giacometti and Samuel Beckett, experienced what he described as ‘a violent hunger in the eyes’ on encountering, in the Louvre, Caravaggio’s The Raising of Lazarus. The author and critic Gaby Wood explains that from this time – the mid-1960s – Arikha ‘renounced (his word) abstraction’ for fear of becoming ‘mannered and false,’ and ‘set himself new rules of engagement. He decided that the only unlimited wellspring was the observable world around us. “You were right,” he told Giacometti, who had encouraged him to work from life.’**

Back in the life-drawing room I had realised that a drawing that had got absolutely nowhere with two minutes remaining of the allowed time might yet make great advances. In fact the most successful were always among those that were erased and desperately worked over at this stage. So the availability of long poses now afforded much greater scope. I began to understand how to learn from a drawing; when to leave it and begin another; that to destroy and rework, at any time, a drawing that lacked cohesion and unity, or about which I felt any doubt, or that I found myself striving to ‘complete,’ was rarely to my disadvantage.

A drawing made in a moment, scratched down in half a dozen lines – especially under pressure of time – can intuitively take in what is essential and vital to the original vision. But, absent this pressure, the next round of marks can obscure it again and the drawing lose its transforming power, as though Hermione had turned back into stone. But the vitality is recovered with persistence. I try harder to see again the coherence that was plain at first sight, before it began to dissipate under scrutiny. Pencil held ready, I devote my gaze wholly to the subject, passively, without analysis, for a long time, so that it can embrace me afresh. Then I quickly turn my eyes back, and the shortcomings in the drawing are obvious: lines too heavy, too light; in the wrong position, the wrong direction.

But I don’t take my eyes off the subject for more than a second. I work over the old lines with new lines, moving across the whole drawing, never dwelling on one area. What is transmitted by the subject enters my eyes but is sensed in my whole body, and I respond viscerally, from where the connection with the subject is sensed. In fact, more than a transmission or a connection, it is like a collision of forces. Out in the landscape, this is sometimes so intense as to feel like vertigo. Here, not so much, but the work proceeds in the same way. Nothing is calculated.

When something interesting results in those first few seconds, but this turns out to be all the time I’m allowed, I preserve what there is of the drawing, like any other, to absorb the lesson in it. If I don’t immediately perceive what it is, eventually it becomes apparent, usually when I haven’t looked at the thing for months or years and unexpectedly come upon it again. At these moments the drawing, or painting as it may be, suddenly ‘looks at me’ and declares its successes or defects. But the latter, inevitably, sooner or later plainly reveal themselves in every one of those drawings that once satisfied me so much.

In Rembrandt’s ink drawings, from the early modern age, we see ourselves completely, summarized in a few lines. But they were made before the rise of consumer society prompted the ‘intellectual and emotional response’ that was the Romantic movement, the root of twentieth-century conceptualism and ‘those attitudes and practices called postmodern,’ † all of which has been an interminable search for something else to say. By the end of that century art had been reduced to a ‘punchline’ (the word is Damien Hirst’s).‡

A single Rembrandt self-portrait, on the other hand, with its grandeur, density and reach, goes on speaking to us after four centuries. I studied the extraordinary Kenwood House painting, made late in his life, perhaps three times when I lived in England. I have not seen it again, but my memory of it seems to sharpen with the passage of time, to broaden and deepen, as if the knowledge held in the painting, perceived in the unconscious as I stood there, has taken half a lifetime to be relayed to consciousness. It is as if I had been squinting at the portrait from the far end of the corridor and have since stepped slowly closer. From day to day, out on my rounds somewhere in Seoul, the sight of a group of people, or a single figure, likewise can seem to open up all the world and human history. The impression is of breaking into an endlessly extending field of positive energy. For much of my life I only suspected how important these vibrations are. The drawing catches at that momentary current of energy, as if trying to tame some great creature that hovers just out of reach. Like Giacometti, I know that it’s impossible to make a likeness of something as I really see it. But it is possible to approach that likeness ever nearer, even so. The surface of the paper needs some texture, to grip the pencil. Getting a line right, when it happens, feels like fitting the wheels of an engine to the tracks. But nothing is ever made final. And if the connection fails – its absence always jars – then there is nothing for it but to erase those lines and begin again, whatever pains are necessary, however little time is left, or nothing will come of the attempt.

* David Sylvester, Looking at Giacometti (London: Chatto & Windus Ltd., 1994); translations by Pamela Sylvester and Barbara Wright.

**Gaby Wood, ‘Avigdor Arikha’s Prints’ London Review of Books, Vol 47 No 19, 23 October 2025

† Here I have borrowed from Professor Susan M. Pearce, who in her book Collecting in Contemporary Practice (London, SAGE Publications, 1998), p.179, argues that ‘the break between modern and postmodern is less extreme than supposed, and this becomes clear when the analysis of contemporary society is put within an historical context.’

‡ From an interview with Gordon Burn from April 2000, in Burn’s book On The Way to Work (New York: Universe, 2002)

The People’s Janitor: sometime professor

I’m pretty sure he yelled ‘Good luck! at me. I hope not. I hope to hell not. I’d never yell ‘Good luck!’ at anybody. It sounds terrible, when you think about it. – JD Salinger, ‘The Catcher in the Rye’

A few friends – Koreans, Brits, much missed – didn’t live into their sixties. There seems to be an early hurdle about the turn of the seventh decade, where many fall away. I narrowly avoided doing the same. From then on, one feels more pared down, clean-cut, day by day. Yet everything takes longer. No sooner are documents gathered, hat and keys located and an effort made to deal with immediate business, than the risen sun is a mournful memory. The sky dims to luminous equivalence with the thoroughfares below that quicken and brighten. You are about to catch sight of a waxing crescent moon. An invigorating chill has entered the air, which is clearer than usual; the blossom is less muted and even Venus and Jupiter are visible up there. Busy in the streets by Inha University near the port of Incheon are youths and maidens most poetical / Who lose the deepening twilights of the spring. Coleridge should have tried writing Kubla Khan in this place. But some must pause to take in that exuberant vision of munificence and unity, and its proposal of unlimited possibilities in the fullness of the year and all the years to come. ‘Perhaps,’ as Auden suggested, it ‘seriously intends to stay.’

The illusion of its concern in us, of our absolute indispensableness, does not last. Even so, at the other end of life its power seems undiminished. Van Gogh’s Night Café is as faithful a response to that stimulus as could exist in art. The painting could not have been made if he had not understood that the totality of the response does not take place in the eye. But those who are given pause take scarcely a second to raise their phones like shields. They have seen something, but suppose the camera to see better. The field of vision is skimmed and canned; decompressed, depersonalized. The perceptive totality is foreclosed. It isn’t clear that a tangible memory is forming, a trail set down in their bodies and senses; that nature has the chance to nourish their dreams.

But it’s my distance in age and geographical origin that hails this ‘undiminishing’ power. I’m not sharing, with them, the here and now, so much as beguiled by its evocation of a single impression anciently laid down, for me. My life contains one April evening that made that indelible mark; one glorious winter night and one summer dawn. Each took place in my first twenty-five years and contains every successive echo of itself, of once being on the threshold of everything. It was in Southwark, in the street outside my student digs, that I stared at the sky for an hour I would not forget. I had taken my first serious look at Constable’s vespertine cloud studies in the Victoria and Albert Museum. One of his contemporaries (Coleridge again? I’ve lost track of the source) described the moment at which goodness shone out, here and there, from the chromatic neutrality of dusk. Within fifty years came the discovery of specialized photoreceptor cells; within eighty, Thomas Hardy’s description of Egdon Heath, which ‘could best be felt when it could not clearly be seen.’ The transformation at the day’s end is more perfunctory here than in northern Europe. In the angular mountains and alien meteorology of the Korean countryside, Constable or Hardy don’t necessarily come to mind (a native dreamer might think of a poet, like Na Tae-Ju), but time moves ‘like a vast shadow,’ just as it does in the peatlands of Caithness. Or particularly if, for example, you find yourself alone after sunset in the temple of Angkor Watt. On the other hand, in thoroughly unlovely Incheon, or that seedy corner of Southwark, human time takes over; a kind of frenzy that, further uptown, now projects itself onto the firmament in soaring monitors that may be brighter than the sun.

The youths and maidens will say, correctly, that I don’t give them due credit. Nature still moves them, they take pictures. But international crises on a terrifying scale – fostered and handed down by my lot – have eroded the pledge it seems to cast, in that empyreal glow, for the young no less than the old. Earlier in the April day the temperature may be near thirty degrees. Korea’s humid-subtropical climate is tending towards the tropical. Winter used to cling on ‘jealously,’ but spring now stamps on its fingers. The blossom comes and goes in the first days of the month before a single bee is seen. The Pacific is warmer than ever; elsewhere the Atlantic meridional overturning circulation heads for catastrophic breakdown. ‘This summer will be hell,’ I am told. But the rapid and lethal heating of Europe, long seen as a climatic idyll, is regarded with particular sadness.

Those phones do other things. Rightly incensed at the ineffable wrong of their privation, but naturally suggestible, users may be drawn through the looking glass into a morass of rage and paranoiac hatred. The men yield more readily. They are the instruments of a small, savage sodality. Obtained through happenstance and calamitous neglect, the untrammelled power of the Silicon Valley Herrenvolk – something like a dozen people with more wealth between them than half of humanity – would have been unimaginable at the end of the eighteenth century. But Goya’s Caníbales contemplando restos humanos is a fine portrayal of the type. He knew that the brutes would always be with us. You note that, however vile, his subjects were handled beautifully. The present exempla are less prepossessing. Suggestible or not, the rest of us are corralled in their mean horizons. When we’re bled white they’ll dig up the moon. Befoul our sky with extractive junk.

Korea is poor in natural resources. In the 1980s president-to-be Kim Dae-Jung, a political prisoner under the Chun Doo-Hwan regime, envisaged his country’s industrial future in the inchoate internet revolution. The lexicon that would form around the systems and applications familiar to us did not yet exist, but his scheme and its setting out, in pre-digital wording, anticipated them fully. Gaining office a decade later, he prioritized investment in the groundwork and training. What he may not have anticipated, any more than did Tim Berners-Lee or others, was that a band of less humanitarian actors would quickly commandeer the’ feed.’

I turned seven in the year that Guy Debord published The Society of the Spectacle. This was before the advent of colour television in the UK. He writes: ‘(As) the mass of commodities slides towards puerility, the puerile itself becomes a special commodity, epitomized by the gadget… The only use which remains here is the fundamental one of submission.’ The first-generation iphone emerged forty years later, as I took up my first teaching post at a university in Seoul. As it made itself increasingly indispensable to students, I only gradually understood what it allowed them to do, and the extent of their dependency. By the time I had caught up, its use in learning, inevitably, had been incorporated in curricula, and students routinely relied on AI in their assignments. Happily I had reached the age at which most foreign staff are obliged to retire. I began to write this piece as I left the campus amidst a spring twilight for the last time.

I shan’t have a great deal more to say about the phones. But another memory trundles forward: not of spring but a September day at Sangmyung University, when my classes had finished early. It was the day after my fifty-first birthday. Sangmyung stands in the foothills of Bukhan mountain in north Seoul. A bus stood on the campus, at the end of its route from the city centre, facing a steep downhill run of several hundred yards to the main entrance, which opens on to a six-lane road. The driver was stretching his legs somewhere. Twenty or so students had already boarded. I was approaching the vehicle from the front and instantly caught the movement as it began to roll forward. What I remember next is being on the bus, at the wheel, standing on the brake. From out on the road came a faint cry of panic, but on board there was silence. We had stopped before gathering speed. I struggled vainly with what I thought was the handbrake. Perhaps the driver had satisfied himself with leaving the thing in gear, and the clutch had failed. My foot stayed down. ‘Where’s the driver?’ I called out in Korean, then English, getting no reply. Twisting my head round I saw the students, wires in their ears, absorbed in their phones; none had heard me or was aware of what had happened. Within a quarter of a minute the driver himself scrambled up, consternated, panting, exclaiming. At the count of three we swiftly swapped places.

‘It’s a legacy of the mad industrialization, isn’t it?’ I was relating the event to my wife. ‘The dictatorship. Too hard to understand otherwise. They never seem to think, not for a second. Racing red lights, overloaded with kids, swerving all over the place, bald tyres, in pouring rain. Constant frantic rush. Health and safety…’

‘They ignore the laws. The police aren’t bothered. No, they’ve had time to get over that. Forty years. No excuse any more. Because they can get away with it.’

For a week the waiting buses had their wheels chocked with sections of timber. Passengers continued to be lost in the phones, or appeared to. Soon enough, drivers tired of the precautions. The near-disaster was forgotten. Those conditions will surely align again; it was as if, by my intervention, lessons avoided being learned. In any event I confess that I can’t help being depressed, somehow, by anyone’s absorption in a smartphone, for any length of time, for any purpose.

I had been at Sangmyung four years, overseeing the department of ‘Western Painting.’ Occasionally I was invited to present lectures at other universities such as Soongsil and Ehwa, and am still. For the eighteen years that I worked in Korean higher education I was addressed as ‘Professor’ and would demur, on the basis that where I come from the title is, or was, reserved for very distinguished status. The demurring was pointless. But the salutation felt unfitting also in view of my own student history; in an earlier post I relate something of my troubled and profitless schooldays. In my BA and MA, when I eventually got there, I acquitted myself well enough but not exceptionally (and this was long before most direct funding for higher education in the UK was withdrawn). For all that, I was a qualified teacher with years of experience, some of it in British universities.

I’m not without expatriate friends, and I’m very fortunate to have them, but this happened later. At Sangmyung I was the only foreign staff in my department and did not seek company among other non-Koreans either at the university or outside it. I had my own high-ceilinged office, with generous windows; a privilege much rarer than I at first appreciated. When present I would leave the door open, as staff did in my own undergraduate days with students and lecturers constantly coming and going. The idea was to encourage students to drop by to discuss their work whenever they wished; many did. They were accustomed to receiving instruction impersonally, in large groups, and on this basis to produce something at a time ordained by the teacher. If I was clear about one thing it was the need to work instead towards critical autonomy and self-direction in, as far as practicable, a one-to-one student-centred programme. In each semester a handful of students responded positively to my efforts, which is as much as one could hope for. However, the doorway to my office was never darkened by other teachers, who would turn into the far end of a corridor only to scurry out again on sighting me in it, or, when we were obliged to pass each other, murmur a curt greeting with eyes averted. Later I saw that the milieu of comity and communion, long ago and far away, that had formed my notions about student welfare and effective learning could not have been more at variance with the disunity, envy, rivalry and feuding among staff that predominated here, over all other elements and concerns.

The senior professor who sought my appointment, a notable in Korean academia whose tenets he abominated and therefore with as many enemies as friends, wanted me there precisely for my stated aims and objectives – along with the importance I ascribed to drawing – which aligned with his own exertions towards reform. I was invited to present a lecture to the department, ponderously and pretentiously titled The Survival of English Drawing; but what commended me, I would guess, were the answers I gave to questions about my teaching approach.

During my first week in the job, having set the students some initial task, I broke into a run down the corridor at an alarming scream from one of the studios. Before I reached it a girl emerged, unconsolable, clutching the edge of her shirt on which a spot of paint had fallen. She, and some others, appeared to be wearing bran-new clothes. I had been warned by my notable benefactor and friend – I will refer to him as L. – that ‘most’ first-year students were ‘not serious,’ but I could not have imagined what the unseriousness would be like. I did find seriousness also, and high potential that had passed through the private academies and cram schools unobserved, checked by low self-esteem. The college entrance exam, remarkably, comprised a practical drawing test which candidates undertook alongside their competitors. The reasoning would be that a drawing is an image and the image is manufactured, against some notional template of excellence. They might have been turning out salad bowls on lathes. The values that made for a successful entry were those, by and large, that I enjoined the serious students to repudiate. Had anyone submitted what I would judge to be one of my better drawings in place of their own, I’m far from certain it would have passed. All those that did seemed to have been produced by the same hand.

Professor L., in consort with the head of department, allowed me to not only assess students to postgraduate level but write the curriculum myself. I did not yet realise what idiotic games were going on; as these two tried to get on with their work, the owner of the university, its president and his allies attacked them unremittingly. But I was advised to concentrate on my teaching and pay no attention to anything else. I sought to make my aims clear to the students: to counter the formulaic, ‘spoon-feeding’ model with one more focused on process, research and self-study; heuristic rather than didactic, if I can use those terms. To students who had given it any thought, the absurdities of the system had long been obvious, and their response was always encouraging. I saw the life-drawing room as an essential component of my scheme. I fixed mirrors to the long wall opposite the inadequate windows, to increase the daylight and perceptible depth. I wanted to show how to use the space differently, without the dais, artificial light, mannerisms and prescriptions, and to dislodge received techniques. But I also wanted to reclaim it as a ‘machine for looking’ and an engine room for ideas. That is, I subjected everyone to obligatory sessions in which I tried to teach them how to actually look rather than just let their hands do the drawing, but made it understood that whatever they took from this, whatever they did next, was up to them. I removed, as far as it was in my power, all restrictions on the materials or media they might use. Vitally, a projector and large screen allowed seminars to be held and all kinds of art continually to be seen.

This, then, was largely a reconstruction of the generic foundation course of my own undergraduate days, which was possible as long as materials were available and common spaces in which to use them, and discrete areas of study had their own spaces: sculpture, textiles, printmaking, photography, painting. In the very near future, everywhere, those elements would be mashed into an impoverished collective, then give way to a curriculum dominated by computer animation. But my century-old pedagogy had not yet been superseded. Having friends who taught in art schools in the UK and Germany, I kept students apprised of discourses and developments and made a point of feeding in whatever came along (I recall a particularly productive response to a presentation on Grayson Perry and Tacita Dean). The ‘Modernist Century’ was more or less coextensive with the period comprehending Japan’s Meiji restoration, its thirty-five year occupation of the peninsula, the American occupation, Korean War and thirty-five more years of dictatorship; that is from the Cheosun dynasty’s ignominious last phase to the establishment of democratic government – and freedom of movement – in the late twentieth century, at which point the country at large opened up to a global art scene of neo-geo, relational aesthetics and the digital revolution. I tried to fill in the foundations: from the early Florentines to post-structuralism; from Buddhist art of the Koryo period to later innovators like Yi In-Sang, Kim Jeong-Hee and, in the colonial period, Kim Jong-Yeong; to the Muklimhoe ink painters, Minjung art, video art and so on. We made excursions to galleries and, during the briefly temperate spring or autumn, to a spot below the peak of Hyangro Bong on the lower slopes of Bukhan mountain, forty minutes’ hike to the north. That entire mountain being visible from the roof of the building, which just as conveniently gives on to Inwang mountain to the south, we would work up there also. The objectives in the landscape were no different to those in the life-room. But in neither place, when working in graphite or charcoal, could I induce more than a few students to draw with an eraser, because to use an eraser was to recognize error and an error meant a defective drawing, which could not be countenanced. Very often a representation of the subject would begin near the centre of an unblemished sheet of paper and extend itself towards the edges, like a piece of knitting that is never unpicked, or revised. The foreign notion that work must be repeatedly destroyed as the artist inches towards the elusive truth in that representation, that perception may be extended and deepened through struggle, was hard to put across, but not invariably. As far as my judgement went, I sought to impart no more than might be of real use or interest to the individual.

More shrieks would sometimes rend the mountain air when a student encountered a harmless flying insect. I had imagined that, mountains lying in every direction, Korean people of all ages would be perfectly used to roaming in them. But the realm in which this generation grew up, the atomized, urban apartment culture of Seoul, has an insulating effect, not unlike the social media platforms then starting to proliferate. I remarked once or twice that the studios, in which several students remained round the clock, were far more dangerous places than the mountain. More than thirty would share a room filled with paper, canvases, oils, solvents, rags, mattresses, heaps of inflammable rubbish and bottled propane heaters. Working spaces were divided by shoulder-high partitions into spaces as small as would accommodate a chair and easel. All but one of the exits might be blocked by a stack of detritus. In one of these, again in my first days on the job, I discovered the remains of a window, reduced to shards of glass two feet long, left in a bin liner. I freed up the doors and from one of them removed a six-inch nail, banged through and extruded at eye level, who knows by whom or how long before. Fire extinguishers were to be found, never where indicated but somewhere else altogether, propping open the main entrance to the building or used as table legs (as still seen throughout Seoul). Sculpture students cut steel in the cluttered corridors, without safety glasses, using angle grinders that had no guards, damaged cords and exposed wires. An undergraduate lost half a finger while operating an electric table saw, unsupervised, in the dead of night. The fault was deemed his alone, as he had not made proper arrangements, but that he, or any student, was able to wander unobserved where he chose, at any hour, was dumbfounding. The enforcement of health and safety laws has advanced unevenly and intermittently; conservative administrations accord less importance to it. Such accidents are no longer so likely, not least because the department in which I was working in no longer exists. But seeing these things every day made me twitchy; so, increasingly, did the behaviour of other staff and officials, and the twitchiness became a fateful problem in itself.

Something over a third of first-year undergraduates would be girls whose outlook and comportment befitted school pupils in their early teens rather than women nearly ten years older. This apparent lag in development by comparison to older generations might be seen in the same group as a precocity no less remarkable, but it became more noticeable year upon year. Nothing I could do or say would persuade those students not to idle their way through the semester on the basis that my curriculum of continuous research and inquiry led, in the end, like everything here, to some form of quantitative assessment, for which two or three pieces might be knocked out, usually overnight and presented by the maker with stifled yawns, swollen eyes and paint-smeared hands, at the last minute. My censures would prompt histrionics, but it made no sense to fail such a consistently large portion of the intake. Nor could I ever forget the long-ago declaration by my own tutor, Arnold Van Praag, when anxiety about the impending degree show almost paralysed me, that it was a ludicrous interruption in an artist’s career and he didn’t ‘give a ____ about it.’ Nonetheless it was demeaning to find, days or hours after awarding it a pass, the abandoned work in the road outside, awaiting the rubbish collection. For many students, the ordeal of the entrance exam and attaining the college or university place was not, as one would suppose, the beginning of learning, but the point at which they disengaged, after being fed through the manufactory of primary and secondary education for a dozen or fifteen years, endlessly supplemented by classes at private academies. There is a tendency to sit back at last, even with a certain arrogance if the name of the establishment is one of those gilded by popular esteem. I have Korean friends who studied or taught at Seoul National University of whom this can’t be said but it is notoriously true of their peers. Prof. L., alumnus of Hongik University, its Fine Art course deemed as illustrious as that of Seoul National, assured me that ‘no teaching’ goes on in either place. Professors bask in their titular eminence while a house style is absorbed which then distinguishes the postgraduate’s work for life. With respect to my aforementioned friends, I have to say this is perfectly true: hard-working though they may be, they never rid themselves of it.

The communal adult education programme and its lifelong learning ideal, in which I cut my teeth as a teacher, seems sadly remote from all this. But to be imported, if that were possible, it would have to be brought back from extinction in the UK. Seoul Science High School, near my home in Seongbuk-Dong, is ‘officially designated a school for the gifted.’ For the entrance test each July, parents drive their children to the front gate (allowing for the insouciant bus drivers, Seoul has a superb public transport system), then stand about in a feverish flock, eyes bolting, waiting for them to stagger out again. I edge past the foul SUVs jamming the pavement. Graduation from an American university is the sine qua non for Korean professors; places at Manchester, Bristol or perhaps Oxford are sought by others, with the requisite IELTS score and willing to meet the cost, for the opportunity to spend three years in the UK and Europe in lieu of Seoul’s not inexpensive, mostly private and highly politicized sector of higher education. ‘I’m from Chelsea,’ the young Korean curator of a gallery in Jaedong dauntlessly declared on one of our visits, meaning the London art school (‘I’m from Mokpo, by the way,’ I replied). However, exchanged for the cachet of having attended them and an ‘experience’ less commensurate than ever with the price, the hard-earned resources of many an Asian family are the last well of life-blood for British universities, which are on the point of collapse notwithstanding.

On the whole, the Sangmyung students were unharried by avidly ambitious parents. A few who had elected to study art against their preferences showed a more ardent interest in learning and took more responsibility for it, as did young men who had finished mandatory military training. In addition to the life-drawing room, Prof. L. and I were able to secure and equip certain areas as exhibition spaces for undergraduate work, or that of invited artists, and in which students practised hanging shows. Previously there was no such provision. The immature but thrusting gallery scene is the domain of the Jaebol, with the same big names repeatedly announced in their steel-and-glass vestibles, and the financial brawn of urban freeholders and dilettantes who sooner or later unveil their own rough-industrial-chic shrines in downtown Seoul. Here, again, forged credentials are not infrequently involved; the execrated Kim Geon-Hee, professed arts scholar and wife of would-be despot Yoon Seok-Yeol, being faithful to the type. By way of introducing a direction of thought away from thraldom to those sterile empires and towards autonomous artist-led spaces and communities, I ran a subsidiary course of study in curatorship and planning, based on my own MA in Museum Studies and the extensively co-ordinated networks that always existed in the UK. Its delivery was impeded by my poor Korean, but it might have eventually flourished had I not allowed myself to be goaded into walking out of my job.

I was aware that the university was owned by a family at war with itself; that one of its members stood by Prof. L., approved of our ideas and had promoted my appointment; that a powerful other, in league with the president, sought to undermine L. and close the department altogether. As I also had been told, and would later see for myself, similar nonsense went on, without end, in just about every other institution, of course ultimately to the detriment of students, who at Sangmyung were charged quite enough to expect better facilities. Fees, as I heard, were invested in real estate; an external audit had uncovered irregularities and penalties had been imposed. At any rate the sight of self-consciously dressed, tremendously unarty-looking teachers picking their way through the filthy studios, as if fresh from board meetings, and the general air of shabby intrigue, caginess and creeping around, set my teeth on edge. On a field trip to Pyeongtaek in my fifth year at the university the president delivered an hour-long address to students and staff, all dry pie-charts and graphs absurdly garnished with clips from Hollywood movies, that never departed from matters of finance. The kids slept on each other’s shoulders. On our return to Seoul I was then enraged by two events in succession.

A senior lecturer moving into an office on the third floor wanted a shower unit installed, for which a four-inch pipe was run through the ceiling of my office directly beneath and via an elbow fitting and the adjacent wall out into the corridor. This was done in my absence and without my knowledge or any attempt to protect my paintings, drawings, prints, books and papers from debris. A cylinder of concrete, deposited from a core drill, had bounced off a large canvas, which like others was covered in dust that had stuck to the surface. Such spectacular amateurism is common enough in an older generation of Korean builders who come cheap and never had formal training; it may be maddening but they don’t know better. On the other hand, the disregard shown by the professor felt like a deliberate assault; she was one of the president’s crowd. Being prominent on Prof. L.’s side, I had already sensed that I was being targeted as his proxy.

Within days I was summoned to an interview before the president, presiding over a panel that included Prof. L’s principal ally but also the showering professor, who by then had offered a patently insincere apology. The meeting had no apparent purpose; my contract was not due for review. Untenured professors from other departments, including foreigners, had also been brought in. When my name was called I entered the room, observing the usual courtesies, and was asked to sit at a solitary desk in the centre of the floor. Beyond the formalities I would have been unable to get very far in Korean, but in any case it seemed to be the president’s particular wish to proceed in English. It then became incumbent on me to make as little as possible of the mutual incomprehension and embarrassment; he, as I was soon to discover, was taking lessons in English conversation, but wasn’t used to a British accent. Sounding like Joyce Grenfell slowed to 16 RPM, I tried to enunciate carefully and distinctly. But I was again under gratuitous attack. After preliminaries the president wished to know why, at that point, I hadn’t exhibited my work in a gallery for eighteen months. The question was unexpected and seemingly unrelated to anything important or relevant. In answer I explained that I did not avail myself of exhibition opportunities regardless of the conditions, and was particularly averse to showing my work in windowless spaces, oil paint being a medium that needed natural light in both the making and the display. Not that this need was often met, but I wasn’t bothered about having as many or more lines in my CV as the next person at any sacrifice. This appeared to satisfy the panel and they began to confer. I was looking out of the window at the last of the autumn leaves when I realized that the president had begun another question. I turned my face to him and waited, but could not make out the meaning. ‘I’m very sorry,’ I said, again with the necessary terms of respect, ‘but I did not completely understand.’

He hunched forward, his face suddenly crimson, and spat out the words again, with a force that made them intelligible. I was astonished by his pique. I did not appreciate how much store he set by his language skills, and had inadvertently shown him up in front of his subordinates in a way that he was the sort to take very badly. But above all I was taken aback by the question itself.

‘Your evaluation scores are extremely low. Why don’t the students like you?’

I did not know that this was an accusation tactically, or stupidly, put to every interviewee that day, regardless of whether the evaluations were, in fact, low or otherwise. I did know that my own had been high throughout, and that some postgraduate students had done me the additional extraordinary honour of enrolling at the university purely on the strength of my reputation. But in the next moment I utterly let down those young people, Prof. L., my wife, and everyone else who depended on me. I rose, incensed, and unfortunately turned up the volume.

‘I don’t know. Why don’t you ask them. I’m going back to my country.’

This last intemperate pronouncement was as stupid as his question had been, and I hadn’t intended to make it. But I left the room without bowing, headed to my office, hung up my jacket and started to think about clearing out. The president, furious at the insult, was at the same time gratified. For the remaining interviews he had only to go through the motions. His objective was secured. His personal English teacher, an Australian family friend, had asked him to find her a post at the university. Hence the interrogations: grounds were being sought on which to engineer a vacancy. I had obliged both by promptly, and entirely avoidably, supplying them. I knew all this later. There was no question of my reinstatement, despite Prof. L.’s entreaties. Barely qualified as a lecturer in anything, the woman was installed in my office hours after I returned the key. I met her, unknowingly, in the few remaining weeks before my quitting the premises at the end of semester. One day she appeared by my open door, peering inquisitively around the room, and inquired as to my name. I don’t recall what else we said to each other, but it was little, and I thought nothing of it at the time.

Prof. L. believes he should have prepared me for what I was in for, but he did not foresee it himself, and it is far from the first occasion on which I had destroyed an advantage, or potentially prosperous enterprise, by failing to hold myself in check. ‘Well, the British are just as corrupt,’ I suggested, as to the goings-on to which my eyes were newly opened. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘but so much more skilled in concealing it.’

But, as Thomas Mann’s Aschenbach reflected, ‘how can one be fit to be an educator… with an incorrigible and natural tendency towards the abyss?’

I had thrown everything up, also, with no appreciation of my vulnerability or how hard it would be to find another situation, in Korea, at fifty-two. In fact it took a year. I wrote an art history curriculum for an ‘immersive’ English programme at Seongshin, approved by its president just as she was forced out by an opponent; at Deokseong I was asked to present my lessons in an American accent, whatever that is, and refused. My last hope was an interview for an English teaching post at Inha Technical College, two hours away. The name is a factitious combination of Incheon and Hawaii; its founder Rhee Seong Man, first in a run of competitively murderous dictators, hailed from the latter. Having no expectation of success, I berated the panel for not providing real students for the demonstration lesson, and for talking about ‘the communicative approach’ while continuing to commission the usual commercial coursebooks, the use of which I abjured. I was asked why I had left the position at Sangmyung, and related the story without reserve.

The vice-president struck in. ‘Are you telling us that the president of Sangmyung University actually lied?’

‘I don’t know what was in his mind. But his statement to me was quite false.’

The college president looked on. I heard nothing for some weeks. The Cameron government had made it near-impossible for the non-European spouse of a British citizen of my limited means to obtain a visa, and thereby closed down the option of our moving to the UK; not that we had seriously considered it. But to my surprise the post at Inha was offered to me because, as I learned from a Korean professor who had been in the room, the president was ‘impressed by my honesty.’ Flagrant artlessness had warded off the disaster it inaugurated twelve months earlier.

The Lee Myung-Bak administration admitted countless native English speakers to posts in Korean schools and colleges simply on the basis of having a first degree, which often turned out to be counterfeit. The problems consequent on this ill-informed policy were manifold and widespread, and it was reversed by the Moon Jae-In government after eight or nine disastrous years. But in my new job I worked alongside some of these teachers, and others from the UK or North America who were established in the country before Lee took office. Most of those I met had begun their careers in Korea’s private language schools; some picked up further qualifications along the way. Surprisingly many appeared to take an adversarial approach to the students – and Korean people in general – and to believe, as though it were irrefutable fact, that they were thanklessly doing the country a favour; that they were entitled to put in as little effort as possible and extract maximum gain; that they should attend to these calculations first and foremost; that the young people in their classes were scheming, deceitful and undeserving; that it was they, the foreign teachers, who were subject to exploitation and prejudice. Evidently unused to the degree of deference they are shown – and its sophistication – they repeatedly mistake it for indifference, even hostility.

One has to deal with as much bemusing and exasperating nonsense in Korea as anywhere. When I’m the author of my own misfortunes I myself often blame the circumstance of my being here and not somewhere else. In fact, I’m as certain as I can be that I owe my life to my emigration. It is frankly unlikely that the coronary disease that was about to kill me, after twelve years at the college and at the start of my final semester, would have been detected in time had I remained in the UK. Nor for one moment, in the near quarter-century I have lived here, have I been made to feel less than entirely welcome. However, in dealings with the teachers, what declared itself most quickly and plainly was a startling want of consideration towards native sensibilities, or of interest not only in Korean affairs, political, social or historical, but also the English language – their stock-in-trade – in which respect they were deeply unlike English teachers I had worked with in the UK and Europe. This very manifest absence never threatened their employment prospects. I did not, as far as I know, come into contact with the most dissolute, who slept with their students and brought in drugs. That was another matter; blood tests were made a statutory requirement under all contracts. An indifferent White teacher who left was replaced by another, in favour of a contender from London with a lot of energy and interesting ideas, but who happened to be Black. Again, I heard the story from the colleague who was present: the Londoner was decidedly the stronger candidate but it was concluded, by some old fools presiding over Academic Affairs – probably since the days of authoritarian rule – that ‘the students aren’t ready for a Black teacher.’ This kind of reactionist bilge, gradually dying out with its demographic, is far from the racist nationalism presently defiling European and British politics, but no one had the nerve to challenge it. Doing so myself would make trouble for my informant; I wasn’t supposed to know. I did indulge an urge to tell certain of my students, who were dismayed.

That was the worst of the place that came to my knowledge. Meanwhile, built around constant testing, the system relied excessively on student product. Ostensibly learning ‘English conversation,’ students faced endless written exercises while the ‘professors,’ not capable writers themselves, withdrew to their cubicles in our grimy office to watch football games or movies about witches and wizards. They were discontented with their white-collar salary and continually agitated for increases. I thought up my own material. I am a stand-up teacher. I wrote up dialogues, remembering a Miss Champion who, sixty years ago, taught us to form letters: the sibilant ‘S’ for snake, pronounced in tracing the curves; ‘M’ marked in chalk, which made for a beautiful hand. English is all verbs and degrees of remoteness; the grammar inside the vocabulary. I worked from the whole to the parts. But the class sizes were too large and courses too brief for measurable (or any) language acquisition. All I could effectively do for conversation skills was concentrate on listening comprehension. I gave as many hours outside class for additional tutoring to the few who wanted it, and each semester one or two especially distressed or disadvantaged individuals needed particular attention. Elsewhere, nothing much had a chance to happen beyond the mockery of ratings and scores; nothing else mattered, since each member of a single class was forced to compete for a fixed quota of top grades. Being a professor largely consisted in contriving somehow to knock down points in order to fit the bell-curve stipulated by our employer. This arrangement was of course grossly unfair to those paying for the service. As a retirement gift It seemed apposite that I should be sent a banyan tree, heaved to our door by a delivery driver with a ruined spine and emblazoned at some point on its journey with the president’s congratulations (another president was in post by then) but evidently consigned via an online store and quietly expiring in a plastic pot that contained, as my wife discovered, more polystyrene than soil. Thanks to her ministrations it has survived.

She is fond of the English phrase: ‘You don’t know which side your bread’s buttered.’ I need to be told. I envy my father his own green garden that he earned with his diligence and where he walked on his return each day from a job he despised. But I hope he now exists eternally in a dream of some such beloved place. To say that those sixty years of mine were squandered, that I drank them up too freely, then the twelve spent at Inha would be the most inglorious; they passed like so many weeks, and the nights seemed worryingly dreamless. This makes the memory of the days less substantial. Perhaps, though, some little good was done. Perhaps no one dreams at that place but the students. Otherwise they and I could not have talked about so many things; I wouldn’t have learned so much and wouldn’t miss them as I do. So I need dwell only on my great good luck.

The campus is shared with Inha University, but my workplace stood in the part that was thickest with trees. In my final summer I brought with me a large sheet of rag paper and a drawing board, and drew one of the most splendid pines that stood in a band alongside the engineering block. Curious students stopped by; none had seen an artist – and a foreign artist – draw in the landscape before. Bearing the finished work down a corridor I was intercepted by the Korean ‘co-ordinator’ of my department who first was alarmed at the charcoal dust on my face and hands and then, on seeing the drawing, wished to be assured that I had made it ‘in my spare time;’ that is, not during hours for which I was paid. I forebore the response that came to mind. The drawing, a metre high, leant against my desk for some days but attracted no attention or comment whatever from the half-dozen other English teachers who used the room. Away from the row of pines, near the rear gate where I came and went each day, were other trees as tall and imposing; a species of Zelkova, whose leaves in October would turn a vivid yellow in the centre of its mass while its perimeter remained a deep green. It then took a week or so for this flaming core to expand across the entire form. I had looked forward all year to seeing these marvellous beings with their yellow hearts and green mantles, under a clear blue sky, one last time, but the rains were so cruelly late, heavy and prolonged that the transformation was cancelled and the leaves fell abruptly without the usual display. The pattern of the monsoon continues to deviate from what had always been normal, and as likely as not next autumn is going to disappoint again.

The People’s Janitor: Yoon’s Persephone

Opinions and interpretations offered here, in good faith, regarding events witnessed by the author are his own and will not invariably accord with those of others.

July 2005

I am walking near our home in Samcheong-Dong, heading north, towards the park. A helicopter rises, as it does daily, from the presidential palace or ‘Blue House,’ five hundred yards away. Roh Moo-Hyun is half-way through his term in office. Last year he survived impeachment, moved on a technicality by a savage opposition but overturned two months later by the Constitutional Court, his stock consequently rising with the public. I am learning how deep the dichotomy is between progressives and conservatives, how polarized political opinion, and am about to experience the first of many encounters with avowedly illiberal elders nostalgic for the era of post-war dictatorships, now some fifteen years distant. With this type, as I already understand, there is no point – and some risk of inviting a violent altercation – in observing that, over much of that period, those regimes in the South and their counterparts in the North were fairly evenly matched for brutality committed upon their own citizens.

I have seen no-one else in the park, and pause by an area furnished with exercise equipment and benches. I am not yet at that stage of life where it would normally occur to me, when out and about, that I might like to stop and rest, but since my emigration to Korea last autumn I have been frequently depressed, this being the reason for the walk. I sit down in order to wait for my spirits to lift. Within half a minute a man in his seventies, small and sinewy, lunges into view, throws himself on a set of monkey bars and swings across, ardently and demonstratively, snarling and grunting, dropping from the end of the frame, gasping in triumph, defying the heat and humidity. The spectacle seems too absurd to feign admiration. His daughter, son-in-law and grand-daughter (in push-chair) also enter the clearing from the path, and I find myself cornered. He may be a veteran of the Korean War, but many who could not have been go about as though they were. The pride of the man-at-arms in beating back senility does not afford contentment. The war never officially ended. In fact, it ‘solved nothing: only the status quo ante was restored, only an armistice held the peace.’* But the tension in his face and body evinces a seething belligerence; a vendetta in search of an alliance. This is discernible before he has spoken.

I am asked where I am from: a question that I somehow feel it always incumbent upon me to answer. I feel most at ease among Korean people who don’t speak English. Those who do frequently take it upon themselves to open an unwanted conversation, while those who do not tend to be less likely to hold opinions utterly contrary to my own. The presumptuous English speakers often turn out to have spent some part of their lives in the United States, for which their families left this destitute country in the aftermath of the war, adopting the worldview, and foreign customs, of their new milieu. They did not invariably thrive.

When it is duly assumed, on the basis of a common language, that someone from the UK is de facto an American, I can’t help feeling a little nettled, but he is evidently disposed not to notice. The helicopter I saw earlier, or another, is overhead and descending towards the Blue House, drowning out the drone of cicadas. I glance upwards and say, for some reason: ‘President Roh Moo-Hyun.’

This prompts, on the instant, between hunched shoulders and clenched fists, the declamation ‘He’s a communist!…’, but with my affinity and approval taken as read. The younger man, who joins us as his wife places the child on a swing, nods sourly in accord. George Bush Junior had discarded the Agreed Framework with his ‘axis of evil’ speech; the DPRK thereupon resumed weapons testing. Nevertheless Roh has maintained the ‘sunshine policy’ initiated by his predecessor Kim Dae-Jung on the conviction that nothing positive in inter-Korean relations can eventuate other than through dialogue. However, some response being due, I feebly observe that ‘a lot of people seem to agree with you.’ A Korean friend of mine had the honour of working with President Kim (who constructed the national health system: a boon especially for the old, ungrateful reactionaries included). In my own country, I voted for the opposition from the start to the end of Margaret Thatcher’s premiership and was arrested at a protest against her government. Anything like this, here, would mark me as a fellow-traveller. But my credentials go unexamined and my ambivalence undetected. Having readily worked up a head of steam, and amid further invective for the lawyer from Bongha, the patriarch continues to work out his fury on the exercise machines, as the scion sets about recruiting me as head of his private English school, a fresh venture alongside his import-export business and part of a burgeoning and lucrative racket kept afloat by legions of exhausted schoolchildren and their parents’ endless determination to meet the expenses. In wheedling he physically encroaches, step by step, on the ground where I stand, in a manner that seems tremendously non-Korean. I put it to him that a random native English speaker found languishing in the park does not necessarily possess either the skills required from training and experience, or any interest in and awareness of the language itself; a Korean teacher of English who really needs the job might be a better choice. I should have had the sense instead to say ‘No thanks’ and elbow him aside. He is bemused, but gives me his card; I slide away. Later I show his details to friends who happen to know that the people I have met belong to Chun Doo-Hwan’s extended family, Chun being the architect of the Fifth Republic of Korea and murderous suppressor of the Gwangju uprising.

There may be places and eras where the path of political conservatism is a better option than the alternative, but not, it might be said, the ROK in the early twenty-first century. Great fear drives, on one side, a visceral hatred of the left, and on the other the determination to maintain the advance of democracy and prevent a reversion to authoritarianism enabled by that hatred. Internal tensions are as hard to resolve as the overarching problem of the divided peninsula, in which they are fomented.

South Korea has the highest rate of suicide among OECD countries; most are young people under forty. The suicide of public figures, particularly politicians pursued by prosecutors under charges of corruption – I can’t recall a time when this was not going on – is as likely if not more likely to be committed by the innocent as the guilty, and has resulted in the loss of a number of individuals whose contribution to the community was positive and progressive, and who are much missed.

Under the administration of Lee Seung-Man, the Criminal Procedure Act of 1954 granted investigative authority to the prosecution service alongside its powers of indictment. The enactment accorded with the view of the prosecutor-general that the police, for the foreseeable future – even ‘a hundred years’ – could not be allowed investigative powers in respect of their role in the colonial period, and overruled warnings that the empowerment of prosecutors to both investigate and indict would lead to ‘prosecutorial fascism.’ Since the end of authoritarian rule, forty years later, attempts by progressive governments to substantially reform the service have so far come to little. A hefty division of those prosecutors, many graduates of Seoul National University from the Conservative stronghold of Gangnam in Seoul, or that of Daegu and the south-east Gyeongsang province, is active only in the protection of its own interests and those politicians who serve them. Also tirelessly obstructive to reform are the chief intelligence agency and the Korean press, possibly on balance the most abominably pernicious in the world (taking into account the UK). Political liberals on a perceived trajectory to office and those already in it are persecuted with bestial tenacity, and months or years expended in bringing about their eventual imprisonment, customarily on the basis of grossly inflated charges. Or they may choose to kill themselves in the process, now that it has permanently befouled their lives and in order to spare their kin, who are assaulted with equal fervour.

October 2006

Late one evening, shortly after the DPRK’s first nuclear weapon test, I take the air outside the hanok in Samcheong-Dong where we have lived for sixteen months and which we are soon to leave for a new home in Seongbuk-Dong, an adjacent district. A meteor approaches from the north, blazes almost directly overhead and burns out somewhere, as it seems, across the Han river. In July we saw two rounds of missile tests from North Korea, both long and short range, following the ‘Valiant Shield’ exercises by the US in the Pacific the preceding month. Since then the situation has remained tense. Because the meteor, though something like fifty miles high, is the mightiest, brightest and slowest I have ever seen, momentarily I wonder if it is not another missile, and Seoul is not about to become the ‘sea of fire’ long threatened by Pyeongyang. But as months and years pass I am less easily alarmed, and settle into the weary resignation that is the general response among South Koreans to these endless games.

May 23rd 2009

Himself harried by prosecutors in the way I have described, since leaving office last year, Roh Moo-Hyun is found after leaping from a cliff near his home, with injuries from which he dies within hours. Six days later my wife and I attend his funeral service in Seoul; there are boos for his successor, the conservative Lee Myung-Bak, and cheers for Kim Dae-Jung, who weeps while paying his last respects. Kim limps from an old injury; he was run over by a truck after almost defeating President Park in the 1971 election. (Another of Park’s political opponents, Chang Chun-Ha, appears to have had his skull smashed with a hammer on a mountainside near Pocheon). Outside Deoksugung we visit a shrine to the deceased president. I sidestep a curious journalist. Soon afterwards, the memorial is torn down by a militaristic far-right group, emboldened under a conservative government.

July 2018

The suicide of the charismatic and well-liked lawmaker Roh Hee-Chan takes place after a similarly pertinacious campaign. Roh was imprisoned in the 1980s for organizing a union. Ten years later he was informed of a wiretap containing evidence of Samsung’s slush fund for prosecutors; for his actions in making this public, prosecutors engineered his ejection from parliament. Later re-elected, he was targeted again for failing to declare a donation to his Justice Party. Compared with indictable offences committed by his enemies this was a trifle but, like Mercutio’s fatal wound, ‘served’ for his destruction. Once Roh has jumped from his mother’s apartment building in Seoul, the mysterious benefactor is traced and apprehended, and confirms that the money was unsolicited. But the diligence of the opposition and special prosecutor, and Roh’s slandering in the press, had by then ensured that he would never be President. Just before their deaths, both he and Roh Moo-Hyun write apologies to their families and others whose suffering their failures have caused.

2019

Kim Kyoung-Su, Governor of South Gyeongsang and a rising star on the left, is ‘investigated’ and indicted by the Supreme Court for ‘online rigging operations.’ He was once briefly detained for pro-democracy activism under the Roh Tae-Woo government. Now he finds himself back in prison for a somewhat longer stretch.

Cho-Kuk, previously senior secretary to the president in the Moon Jae-In administration, is nominated for the position of Minister of Justice, but forced to withdraw within weeks under other investigations in respect of his wife, son, daughter and brother, on charges variously of illegal business practices, falsifying academic records, embezzlement and bribery. His wife is sentenced to four years in prison; his daughter is expelled from university and her career in medicine stymied. Interviewed on the journalist Kim Ou-Jun’s political podcast, she denies the allegations against her and determines to become a doctor no matter what obstacles are thrown in her way. The case against her mother is built on testimony from an obliging university principal, which is contradicted by staff, but those who talk to journalists are threatened with the sack.

In a disastrous misstep President Moon Jae-In appoints Yoon Seok-Yeol, formerly chief of the Seoul central district prosecutor’s office, to the position of Prosecutor General. It is Yoon who then launches the investigations into Cho-Kuk’s family, leading to conflict with the Moon administration and his own resignation two years later, but increasing his appeal to conservative voters.

July 9th 2020

In the morning I leave my home in Seongbuk-Dong, a few hundred yards from the old city wall that marks the northern perimeter of Seoul, momentarily vacillate over my choice of route to Incheon – two hours away – and decide to walk south towards the underground station at Hanseong University, rather than west, through an opening in the wall and across Waryeong Park to Anguk-Dong. Had I made for Anguk instead it is not unlikely that I would have met the Mayor of Seoul, Park Won-Soon, heading east, incommunicado, alone, out of the city and towards the trail that follows the wall in the direction of Bukhansan mountain. Our paths would have crossed not many steps short of the spot among the pine trees where he then dies, evidently by his own hand.

I do not set out here a case for his acquittal of the seamy recriminations that led to his death, but would say they speak more the iniquity of the accusers than that of the accused. Of course it would not be the first time that someone in a position of public trust is respected for the good they do until the harm caused by their private depravity is revealed. Park knew that certain prosecutors employ themselves full-time in taking down liberal figures like himself, on any shred of material that might be aggrandized for their assassination. But it was also in his nature to believe the best of people rather than the worst. To many, it is inconceivable that he could have found an opportunity, on top of the civic duties and projects he was seen to immerse himself in day upon day without pause, continually donating what he had to those in greater need, to transform himself into ageing sex pest during his hours away from the public eye. It is all too conceivable that what passed for evidence – typically, a photo that in itself proves nothing – had been used for malignant misrepresentation. He himself felt he had been betrayed, owing to his naivety. The exhausting onslaught intensified as his depression deepened.

He is loudly vilified, even as his coffin is borne through the streets, by the Korean chapter of the #MeToo movement. Whatever welcome and vital good comes of that organization elsewhere in a world plagued with the violent abuse of women by men, here its apparent instrumentation by powerful interests against its own allies is even more distasteful than the dancing on graves barely dug.

Park Won-Soon and others targeted by the Establishment recognized the need for Korean politics to evolve beyond the immaturely and banefully adversarial, and the importance to the summum bonum of building a culture of consensus. It may yet happen, though in the West a trend has accelerated in the reverse direction.

March 9th 2022

Yoon Seok-Yeol narrowly wins the presidential election against Lee Jae-Myeong. In view of his inept performances in televised debates, which betray brute ignorance and jaw-dropping idiocy, this is at first mystifying as well as dismaying. But he has garnered support particularly among young men dependent on social media for the construction of their worldview and suggestible to extreme ideas disseminated there. Anticipatory celebrations by other young people who voted for Lee sadly and abruptly cease.

August~November

Internationally, Yoon cuts a reliably embarrassing figure; at home he presides vacantly over disasters such as the lethal floods in August and the deaths of 159 young people in the Itaewon crowd crush three months later, attributable in part to his choosing – without precedent – to run the country from a complex at Yongsan, having turned the Blue House over to tourists. This entails stripping out national safety systems installed and operated there by the Moon government. At the same time heads of ministries and commissions have been replaced by sycophants, and police numbers at Itaewon are depleted by his requisitioning a heavy contingent on permanent guard at the Yongsan residence. This year, neither the police nor the local council make the usual checks, or plan for crowd control, ahead of the annual festival where the tragedy occurs. The bodies are sent to a number hospitals, probably to prevent relatives assembling in a single group. Flood prevention was highly prioritized by the late Park Woon-Soon; monitoring and clearing drains, deploying defenses to protect vulnerable residents. But the present mayor of Seoul is Yoon’s collaborator Oh Seh-Hoon, who does nothing at all. At least nine people die and about a hundred and seventy lose their homes.

January 2nd 2024

Lee Jae-Myeong, leader of the Democratic party and, naturally, under constant assault from the government and its prosecutors, survives a near-fatal stabbing in Gadeokdo, administered by a man who has long prepared for the attack.

August 8th

The acting chief of the Anti-Corruption and Civil Rights commission is found dead, along with private messages expressing his anguish over the commission’s refusal to proceed with an investigation of Kim Geon-Hee, Yoon’s wife, for improper solicitation. The ACRC is legally required to process a case within sixty days, but on this issue it has twice extended the review period before closing the case without forwarding it to investigative authorities. The deceased, whose full name is not disclosed, had worked for the commission for twenty years. In the several messages sent to himself he declares his intention to offer his life to ‘rectify his mistakes.’ He adds: ‘the misuse of anti-corruption laws for political purposes has to stop.’ The scandal is among several that has dominated Yoon’s first two years.

September 27th

I am walking from Anguk station towards the civic centre built last year to commemorate the late president Roh Moo-Hyun. At Jae-Dong I find my acupuncturist standing outside his clinic and gazing quizzically at what looks like a marquee, but with transparent walls and towed down the street on a trailer. It comes to a halt nearby.

He turns to greet me and says ‘Isn’t it ridiculous?’

The marquee is in fact a swaggering mobile showroom, enveloping a new Bentley. This has been ordered, with all the ostentation and attention that is the point of the arrangement, by a neighbouring doctor whose wife is now at the scene, screaming orders at the driver of the truck from a few feet away.

‘What on earth does she think…?’ I begin, but my doctor twists his head towards me, not having heard. Military jets are suddenly roaring overhead, eclipsing the pride of the châtelaine. They have been audible for some days, but this afternoon they appear in much greater number: several F-50s, ROKAF.

By the time I arrive at the Centre – my wife has joined me – the aircraft are looping and swooping over north Seoul, over our very heads, and the din is louder than ever. Something is deeply amiss here; people are uneasy. I ask her why this is allowed to take place over the city. A terrible accident is easily imaginable.

‘It’s mad. They don’t care. Meant to be scare people like us.’ Seoul, particularly north of the Han, is a predominately liberal area, like the Honam region in the south-east of the country. The Minister of National Defence is Kim Yong-Hyun, friend to Yoon Seok-Yeol’s from their schooldays and another worshipper at the shrine of Park Chung-Hee. His dangerous fantasy of forcibly unifying the peninsula (never entertained by Park) has recently been coming to light.

Next Tuesday, October 1st, is Armed Forces Day. Why this unsettling aerial performance should be prematurely under way is not explained, but it feels intentionally provocative. Permission for the exercise was given by Oh Seh-Hoon.

November 24th

It’s the twentieth anniversary of my emigration to this country. At the end of my long journey home from work, on the other side of Seoul, I pause on the hillside above our house, recalling my first impressions of this strange landscape. It has been an unprecedentedly warm autumn. Early the next morning I am woken by my wife, crying out. I know what this means: she is dreaming, and has found herself in a long-familiar nightmare. She will have seen, again, through a window, a terrifying intruder. I rise and cross quickly to the room in which she sleeps, but find her sleeping peacefully. It is I who was dreaming. That keening sound has been heard often enough to produce a desolate and eerie echo in my unconscious. Only last night the phantom had visited again. The world beyond the walls of our small home is increasingly more perilous; we are older, more infirm; friends and family still living are gradually fewer. But this dream has recurred since her youth, seemingly at odds with the courage, equanimity and good cheer with which she faces that world in her waking hours. Even in a person so positively integrated, subliminal fears absorbed in the day-to-day must cast their pall somewhere.

I have pondered the identity and origin of the interloper. Can the oriental psyche be studied on the same principles as the occidental? There is the collective unconscious, and such a thing as psychic memory. Lacan realized that the unconscious functions like a language. I recall unforgettable images of startling cruelty, committed by the Japanese during the colonial period, seen in a Mokpo museum. For my wife and many of her compatriots the perceived threat never quite receded. The dispensation from America meant no atonement on the part of the aggressor state. Meanwhile Korea was divided, as if it and not Japan had been the Axis power. Importantly, no reckoning for Korean collaborators ever arrived. It was during the American military government of 1945 to 1948, with its installation of Lee Seung-Man – who had spent most of his seventy years in the US and once accused General John Hodge of being a communist – that the residuary issue of justice for collaborators and resistors was submerged perpetually in a communist-anticommunist paradigm. Even by the end of 1945, ‘Korea was effectively divided… the de facto policies of the two occupations (the Soviets who had fought the Japanese in the North, the Americans in the South) had identified the Soviets with Kim Il-Sung and the (Seoul-based) people’s committees, while the Americans… opposed the committees and widespread Korean demands for a thorough renovation of colonial legacies.’*

I have not experienced nightmares myself since childhood. In the first weeks after my emigration to Korea I dreamt of discovering, as I descended from the stair head in my former English home, a Siberian tiger in the hallway below. Or it might have been had it not two (or possibly three) heads, like an amphisbaena, and was not rather smaller than a normal tiger; about the size a boar. Or Cerberus, as a blended archetype, in association with my recent bereavement. I took it at first for a statue, but its eyes followed my movements. On the morning of a winter solstice twenty years later, a stray cat in the front yard, crouched before dishes of food and water we provide, casts a shadow in low-angled sunlight. I am reminded of the tiger dream and see that the shadow is several times the size of the cat; again, about that of a boar. In recent years those belligerent animals are encountered more frequently in the hills behind our house and have begun to encroach on the town, rampaging through streets and shops, sometimes having to be shot.

December 3rd

At a quarter to eleven in the evening a message arrives from a friend: Yoon Seok-Yeol has declared a state of martial law. On the journalist Kim Ou-Joon’s News Factory channel – which survived its attempted termination by Oh Seh-Hoon – we look through the lens of a camera carried by Kim’s colleague Joo Jin-Woo as he runs at full pelt towards the National Assembly building at Yeoido, scrambles up the steps before the entrance and pauses there, panting and surveying the scene. A broadcast is cut in from Lee Jae-Myeong, also heading to Yeoido, requesting other lawmakers of the Democratic Party to make their way there with all speed. Helicopters are heard above our house; these or others are presently seen landing at the National Assembly. Joo Jin-Woo is advised to leave for his own safety, and refuses. A concourse of other journalists and alarmed citizens forms around him. The lawmakers begin to arrive and are urgently enjoined to get inside the chamber while they can. Squadrons of soldiers emerge from helicopters, others approach from the street. Woo Won-Sik, the 67-year old Assembly Speaker, scales a barrier at the rear of the building to gain entry, in time.

The tussle that ensues, citizens against soldiers and police, involving forced entry to the premises by military units, is intense but bloodless. Meanwhile the motion to cancel martial law is passed. This is possible because the insufficient number of democratic lawmakers is augmented by the conservative Han Dong-Woon, formerly allied to Yoon but newly disaffected, and fourteen of his faction, who have journeyed there on their own account. But, extraordinarily, Yoon Seok-Yeol does not thereupon rescind the directive, and the confrontation wears on for hours until he finally relents. Troops then abandon the attempt to take over the building but do not withdraw entirely.

At a point where the assembly grounds give onto the street, a solitary soldier apologizes to citizens for his part in the violation and outrage with a long series of deep bows, as he retreats.

December 4th

We learn that Kim Ou-Joon, on being informed the previous evening that he was about to be arrested, dispatched his friend Joo Jin-Woo to the National Assembly and fled to a safe house. Kim is a neighbour in Seongbuk-Dong but I’ve never had the temerity to accost him. The warning is said to have come via US intelligence; his home was surrounded shortly afterwards.

I write to friends in the UK:

‘We hear the attempt to impose martial law wasn’t abandoned. The vote on impeachment will be 10:00am UTC Saturday. Yoon purged his party of non-loyalists but some lawmakers said to be wavering. Whatever Han Dong-Hoon says today, no-one knows which way he and his lot will go tomorrow. He’s pathetic and unreliable. Unfortunately his decision is critical. The military could be back on the streets, journalists detained. Demonstrations are building massively regardless, but in that case may involve bloodshed.

‘Manoeuvres around Seoul since September signified something mad in the offing but the timing on Tuesday was a surprise. Whatever happens there’ll be disorder for a long time. No need to worry about me and mine – her generation went through it before. But tyrants back then knew that their communist infiltration claims were spurious. This lot are raving – they believe what they say.’

December 7th

Back in the National Assembly, where Democratic lawmakers have remained around the clock, the first impeachment motion fails; ruling party lawmakers have marched out en masse.

‘Why don’t they co-operate? How can they not?’ I ask my wife.

‘Because they’re fake. Not politicians.’

But one, Kim Sang-Wook, later returns, breathless from running, having broken away from the band of obstructionists. In the face of their coercion and threats that would have taken some doing; his face is tense with emotion. He will vote for impeachment. The numbers are still short of the quorum, however.

December 12th

Cho-Kuk’s conviction – of forgery – nearly two years ago is upheld by the Supreme Court; he goes to prison four days later.

December 14th

Anxious hours precede the second impeachment vote. During the count, I am aware that my hands are clammy and adrenaline surging. This time the motion passes. Jubilant crowds, at the end of a week-long vigil in freezing temperatures outside the National Assembly, make an exhilarating spectacle; celebrations continue into the night. Not a single item of litter remains in the morning. Military jets are again overhead, but at higher altitudes; it seems to be the Americans now.

December 27th

In Gwanghwamun, opposite the Joong-Ang Daily, I find a mostly elderly but wired-for-sound group gathered around a temporary stage, taking turns to climb up, seize the microphone and lead the chant ‘Kill Lee Jae-Myeong, kill Moon Jae-In…’ in a version of the Two Minutes Hate which goes on all day and can be heard a mile away in all directions. The statue of Yi Sun-Sin looks on, like Boadicea at a National Front rally on Westminster Bridge. Lee Jae-Myeong almost died in an attack last year. These public exhortations are illegal, but no-one stops them. If the old fool I met in Samcheong Park twenty years ago were still around, he would likely be here. But who provides the equipment: the transport, the rostrum, banners, speakers, amplifiers? These people do this all the time; someone pays for it.

December 29th

Jeju Air Flight 2216 crash-lands at Muan airport in South Jeolla following multiple mechanical failures; two crew survive but other lives may have been saved had the craft not struck a concrete berm on its overrun, despite the urgent removal of that structure being advocated early this year in anticipation of precisely such an event. The advice would have been heeded under a functioning administration.

For the third time, Yoon ignores a summons for questioning from the Corruption Investigation Office, which duly submits a request for an arrest warrant.

December 31st

A threat is issued from an anonymous source, who also claims responsibility for the ‘sabotage’ of Flight 2216, to explode a bomb at the Democratic Party headquarters. The building is evacuated; no bomb is found.

Investigative journalism (that now-rare thing, but Korea still possesses a vibrant intellectual culture) in the persons of Kim Ou-Joon and friends has brought to light extensive information in regard to the attempted coup, its origins and objectives, awaiting full confirmation in due course, which may take months or years given the present chaos. But I cite contents of the reports in further dispatches:

‘We are told that martial law was planned from the start of Yoon’s government. The plans included disguised attacks on American forces, here and in Ukraine, to draw the US into a war with North Korea. Direct missile strikes on the North were also mooted. Military manoeuvres were evident in Seoul and around the country, throughout last year. Assassinations of politicians and journalists were planned. Some military units did not return to barracks after the failed coup. They’ve disappeared with their weapons, for the moment no-one knows where. 

‘Yoon should have been arrested weeks ago, but his people are in powerful positions. He has had nearly three years to install them everywhere. Now that the court has finally issued the order, he has to be forced out of his bunker. Many of his supporters are ready to use violence.’

Wartime operational control over the South Korean military by US forces, effective since the Korean War, might have been ceded to the ROK long ago – this was nearly achieved by the Roh Moo-Hyun administration during America’s war in Iraq – but the initiative has always been stymied by tensions between the US and DPRK on the one hand and, on the other, the refusal of South Korean conservatives to countenance the transfer of command. But Yoon’s alarming and deranged project was seen as such by US intelligence, hence their covert information-sharing.†

January 3rd 2025

An arrest warrant is granted, but the frustratingly half-hearted attempt to extract Yoon from his bolt-hole in Han-Nam-Dong, behind a barricade of barbed wire, buses and armoured personnel carriers, is easily seen off. His security has been ordered to fire if the barricade is breached. It seems that special forces are needed, but conservative lawmakers are still procrastinating. Pro-democracy protesters maintain vigils in tents on the streets with temperatures some way below zero.

January 4th

Yoon, his entourage and security detail are drinking round the clock, as reported by some of their number who have decamped. Nevertheless the Yoon-friendly prosecutor Kwon Seong-Dong announces a motion to annul the impeachment. Kwon is later found to have procured undeclared funds for Yoon’s election campaign from politically active religious groups.

January 7th

A second arrest warrant is obtained but not immediately executed. Under questioning, the defence minister Kim Yong-Hyun is invited to compare himself to Cha Ji-Cheol, bodyguard to Park Chung-Hee. Cha, killed together with Park by KCIA chief Kim Jae-Gyu in 1979, had been about to crush a popular uprising at Masan by the massacre of ‘one or two million Koreans,’ inspired by the Khymer Rouge, and with Park’s consent. Kim Yong-Hyun demurs, claiming that Cha Ji-Cheol was ‘a much greater man’ than himself.

The Constitutional Court at Anguk, where the ostentatious delivery of the doctor’s Bentley took place in September, is now besieged by virulent pro-Yoon protestors and consumers of online conspiracies. These, with the accompanying police presence, make it impossible to walk there; adjacent businesses are being ruined.

January 9th

Oh Dong-Hoon, prosecutor overseeing the anti-corruption unit established by the previous government but himself installed by President Yoon, and who miserably failed in the initial arrest attempt, was educated in the best universities and achieved top grades, yet proves himself shamefully inept when critical decisions are needed. This phenomenon is another frequently-observed legacy of the dictatorship. He has been in thrall to Yoon and browbeaten by his fellows, but continual haranguing by the democrats eventually wakes him up and re-educates him: ‘this is supposed to be your job’. He tries to affect more of an appearance of rising to it and rolling his sleeves up.

January 10th

The head guard at Yoon’s garrison defecting, the thuggish Kim Seong-Hoon and his crackpot gang assume sentry duty, brandishing rifles for the TV cameras. Kim was filmed last year manhandling, with startling brutishness, a frail-looking gentleman out of a conference at which he had respectfully asked a question that Yoon didn’t care to answer. Kim is one of many unappetizing figures that Yoon’s wife Kim Geon-Hee has brought with her to the party; meanwhile, as facts trickle out, she continues to shape up as a central operator in the totality of this affair.

January 15th

At the second attempt to execute the warrant, Yoon’s heavies refuse Kim Seong-Hoon’s order to move against the police. After a further six-hour standoff, Yoon steps into a police car at 10:33am.

Vox pop: ‘Now that he’s in custody, I suddenly don’t know what to do with myself,’ and ‘Finally I can get some sleep.’

January 17th

Videos of birthday parties and other gatherings emerge in which the sycophancy of Yoon’s followers is on unseemly display. We’ve seen this before with Park Geun-Hye’s administration (until now regarded as calamitous), that of her dictator father and others: fealty and worship of exactly the same nature as that bestowed on leaders of the DPRK. Yoon himself patently believes he’s above the law, as untouchable as a mediaeval king.

January 19th

Early in the morning, after some hours’ delay, the order is issued by Judge Cha Eun-Kyung at the Seoul Western District Court to extend Yoon’s detention for twenty days, pending a decision on indictment. Within minutes the courthouse is besieged by a mob who break through police lines and into the building, wielding metal pipes, assaulting journalists and law enforcement officers. Exhausted police deploy a large unit to restore order, which takes hours. In every aspect the scene resembles the attack on the US Capitol four years ago; many perpetrators carry pictures of Donald Trump and Elon Musk, and scream threats at Judge Cha, who fortunately evades them. Nothing like this has been seen here before. Eight years ago, the fanatical devotees of Park Geun-Hye protesting her impeachment were vicious enough, but familiar; these are dead-eyed youngsters. It’s a deeply disturbing development. Again the question is asked: who sent them? One of their articles of faith is that the Chinese are engineering the usurpation of Yoon by the CCP puppet Lee Jae-Myeong. This is a notion as risible as Chun’s pretext for his killing spree at Gwangju: that the uprising was a North Korean incursion. The difference this time is that the US president gives credence to the diagnosis. Lee is accused by Conservative lawmakers, in any case, of provoking the riot.

January 21st

Recordings produced by a JTBC journalist who joined the group incognito, scaling the courthouse wall with a phone camera, suggest a high level of organization; the group knew the layout of the building and its contents and targeted certain rooms, equipped with torches. Furthermore, links are indicated to insurrectionist groups in the US (those for example that Trump has just pardoned), apologists for the Japanese occupation who are ever active and lunatic agitators like the populist pastor Jeon Gwang-Hoon who has long held seditious hate-driven rallies in Gwanghwamun, audible on many a Saturday from our home. Jeon is closely tied to Kim Geon-Hee and appears to have talked up the siege of the courthouse.

Having conceded nothing, Yoon elects to attend hearings at the Constitutional Court in Anguk, despite it not being required of him and his refusal to assent to anything that is. On his appearances he is immaculately groomed, and perhaps hopes to encourage more mob frenzy in his support, which he hasn’t condemned.

Feb 21st

For some days Yoon supporters have held rallies on university campuses in Seoul and around the country, leading to more violent clashes, particularly at Ehwa Women’s University. A majority of students are for impeachment but a not insignificant number adhere to the opposing camp. Other stakeholders, including youtubers and right-wing groups, also get involved. Protests on campuses are not required to observe the Assembly and Demonstration Act, but once again police must be called in.

March 6th

Two South Korean KF-16 jets accidentally bomb a civilian-populated area in Pocheon during a live-fire drill conducted jointly with the US Air Force; forty-three people are injured.

March 10th

Prosecutors contrive successfully to have Yoon released from custody. At Yoon’s declare of martial law that night three months ago there was a cry of despair from my wife I had never heard before. Now she lets it out again. ‘It is as though the Japanese never left.’ Grotesquely, Yoon is at liberty to swan around the city, glad-handing venerators, even as deliberations at the Constitutional Court proceed.

Three of the nine justices of the Court are appointed by the president, or in this case acting president Han Deok-Su. One of them has retired at the end of his term; the ambitious Han, in cahoots with Yoon, is in no hurry to supply a replacement. This, with the fact that one of the other eight is historically connected to Chun Doo-Hwun’s military government, explains the foot-dragging.

March 24th

A motion to impeach Han Deok-Su is defeated.

March 26th

The Seoul High Court acquits Lee Jae-Myeong of violating the Public Official Election Act during the 2021 presidential primary, the most significant obstacle to his presidential candidature being thereby removed.

April 4th

At 11:22am Yoon’s impeachment is at last declared enacted by Constitutional Court Judge Moon Hyeong-Bae. A tremendous roar goes up from a rejoicing crowd massed in central Seoul, many of whom have encamped there for months. A presidential election will take place within sixty days.

May 1st

Two days after Lee Jae-Myeong is nominated as presidential candidate for the Democratic Party, the Supreme Court mounts a ‘second coup’ by overturning the Appellate Court’s decision to acquit. Sitting in a coffee shop in Jong-Ro as the news lands, I witness the outrage of customers. The Chief Justice Cho Hee-Dae, like the other nine justices of the Court, are Yoon’s appointees. The deadline to register candidates for the election is May 11th; a conviction and sentencing would put both Lee and his party out of the running.

But within a week the Seoul High Court responds by postponing Lee’s trial until mid-June. Charges of this kind cannot be pursued against a president in office. On June 3rd, as expected, he wins the election.

June 4th

Entering the Ministry of National Defence at Yongsan, the operational centre of Yoon’s administration, Lee’s team finds the offices throroughly emptied as if by a retreating army. Far from attempting to prepare or facilitate the transition of power, the outgoing government is obstructive to the last; Lee must somehow begin from scratch. Among innumerable tasks ahead the Blue House will be restored as the president’s executive office and residence.

June 16th

At the G7 in Alberta Lee Jae-Myeong is thanked by Keir Starmer ‘for your support in Ukraine.’ It is not clear that he hasn’t been confused with Yoon, who mooted sending military assistance at Zelenskyy’s request. Lee has slammed the idea, both on the principle of keeping his country out of foreign conflicts and for the (one would have thought obvious) impracticability of any engagement with Russia, let alone North Korea, with whom the ROK is still technically at war. He smiles as Starmer bumbles on, and leaves it at that.

Yoon has invited an associate of Trump to guest lecture at Seoul National University, one of a number of Korean-Americans propagating the story of Chinese intervention in Lee Jae-Myeong’s election. It is revealed that the same people have been funding Korean ‘Yoon again’ groups who attach provocative messages to balloons launched at the North Korean border, hold rallies screaming for Yoon’s reinstatement and Lee ‘s crucifixion, so on. The university now rows back on its welcome, but Oh Seh-Hoon has already bought the man’s air ticket: zealots greet him at the airport waving, as always, both the Taegeukgi and the Stars and Stripes.

July 31st

Inquisitions, confessions, recordings and documents continue to verify the extent of the project culminating in the botched coup. Mass deaths among the populace were forecast and plans drafted accordingly; the disappearing of journalists, politicians and others, whose names were listed, was also in the scheme. To first goad the DPRK into a response that would induce a national emergency, strategies included the deployment of drones to Pyeongyang between October 3rd and 11th. When the North declined to rise to the bait, more were sent in November, their flight path adjusted away from Pyeongyang after a revolt by the Drone Operations Command. Additional provocation was attempted by flying Apache helicopters along the Northern Limit Line. Kim Yong-Hyun’s next recourse was to be a missile attack, as directed to senior staff at the Joint Chiefs Command on the 18th November. To his fury, they refused to countenance it. At about that time, however, an intelligence agent in China was told by an informant in North Korea that ‘a major incident is going to go down in South Korea next month.’

The governments of Lee Myung-Bak and Park Geun-Hye, from 2008 to 2016, also destructively cultivated tensions with the North for domestic advantage. For thirty-one years – that is, from Eisenhower to Bush senior – American nuclear warheads parked here were aimed at the (non-nuclear) North. But nothing this unhinged has been contemplated since MacArthur’s proposal to ‘drop between 30 and 50 atomic bombs across Manchuria’ and turn the DPRK into ‘a belt of radioactive cobalt.’ (Truman was there to rein in the ‘dumb son of a bitch’).*

August 1st

‘Hunter-gatherers. Tens of thousands of years, until the Bronze Age. The start of civilization. Then you had elites, small dominant groups, commandeering land, grain supplies, weapons. It became less egalitarian. That kind of society can’t be sustained, that concentration of wealth, greater and greater inequality, so the collapse happens, repeatedly. But it was regional, in kingdoms or boundaries of empire, like the Romans, or the Koryo Dynasty. Now we’re all in the one rotten global system. And now it’s these buggers, fossil fuel corporations, big-tech… ‘

‘Arms manufacturers,’ my wife puts in.

‘Yes. Yet the collapse could be avoided. The trouble is, the most powerful -‘

‘It’s finished. All too late. And did you also read what Yoon Seok-Yeol did today?

‘No,’ I say. ‘Was it as edifying as anything else he’s done?’

‘When the special counsel came to take him for questioning he took off his clothes and lay on the floor in his underwear.’

‘ “Scoundrels raised from the dust upon the merit of their vices.” ‘

The next time they come for Yoon he struggles so madly that the attempt is abandoned again, for fear he might injure himself.

My father once remarked of the First Lady of the United States, at the time of dangerously heightened tensions between east and west: ‘She’ll do anything to get into the limelight, even if it means bombing the Soviet Union.’ He and I had both lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. But any comparison of Kim Geon-Hee with Nancy Reagan would be somewhat unfair. Imelda Marcos may be a closer fit; like her, Kim is the sort to covet high-end accessories that cost about twice an average annual salary. Now gathering pace, investigations have thrown up burgeoning evidence of gifts solicited in exchange for appointments to government positions, along with stock market manipulation.

It doesn’t stop there. If there are things in the world we may call evil, the whole image presently emerging is unquestionably among them. Notwithstanding awful scenes televised from Vietnam and Biafra during my childhood, it was lived at a moment in which we believed in a future that evil, however defined, would no longer prevail in. But that these people exist is proof of its perenniality as much as its famous if mind-numbing banality. Almost every day, Yoon would sleep off a night’s drinking while an empty motorcade with its black windows would be sent from his residence at Hannam-Dong to the Yongsan headquarters. There, with or without him, his wife would predominate at meetings and oversee business. Such international policy as there was appears to have been calibrated on grounds for self-enrichment, but also featured the potentially catastrophic adventure in North Korea. At the time of writing it isn’t known if the aim of consolidated power and permanent immunity encompassed the aggressive absorption of that country, but on the basis of what has come to light it’s no longer unbelievable. The additional possibility is taken seriously of a link between Kim Geon-Hee and the party or parties who made the attempt on the life of Lee Jae-Myeong.

6th August

With the special counsel closing in, Kim Geon-Hee has checked into Asan hospital claiming to be suffering from ‘depression’ and having to use a wheelchair – a prop unfailingly employed by villains brought to bay – where doctors wearily ask: ‘Why this hospital – why us?’ She is later spotted trotting in and out of a rear entrance but, on arrival at court, affects to be barely capable of pulling herself out of the car and staggers studiously before the cameras. In this masquerade, the allegations against her are supposedly a calumny so shocking as to bring on paraplegia.

11th August

Cho-Kuk receives a pardon from Lee Jae-Myeong; on leaving prison he undertakes once again to lend ‘what small effort he may’ to ongoing reform of the prosecution service.

13th August

The decision is taken to detain Kim Geon-Hee in order to prevent the destruction of evidence. Again, worryingly, young people are seen among her grieving supporters, but as yet no further sieges of court buildings take place.

Thirty years ago Kim Min-Seok, prime minister and adviser to Lee Jae-Myeong, was a student activist who forced the US embassy to reveal what it knew about the Gwangju incident. At some point amidst the pandemonium of the past several months he likened Yoon Seok-Yeol to a wild boar. His remark brought to mind Ted Hughes’ Shakespeare and the Goddess of Complete Being, an examination of Shakespeare’s use of religious myth, although Hughes offers the basic idea only as ‘a sort of musical adaptation’. In his Introduction he writes:

‘Adonis’s myth proper begins where Aphrodite hides the Divine Child in a chest and gives him into the care of Persephone, Goddess of the Underworld. As he grows, Persephone falls in love with him and refuses to give him back to Aphrodite, even though the Goddess of Love descends into the Underworld to beg for him. Aphrodite appeals to Zeus for justice and it is finally arranged that she shall have Adonis for one part of the year, and Persephone shall have him for another part.

‘Now it is Aphrodite’s turn to refuse to Adonis over to Persephone (who), enraged, emerges in her animal form as a wild boar, and reclaims him by killing him. After that, he alternates between the two goddesses.’

This is Hughes on Macbeth in Chapter Three:

‘…there is never any doubt what will happen. In fact, two things are happening simultaneously, one in the pattern of the Tragic Equation, which Macbeth’s Adonis self has to suffer, and one on the pattern of the Rival Brothers, which fills him with exultation. In the first, Lady Macbeth resembles Persephone coming at him in the form of a boar – to ‘kill’ the Adonis/Macbeth and transform him into her infernal consort, in her Underworld, as the ‘hot tyrant.’ In the second, Persephone is actually recreating him, out of her own ‘divine,’ infernal substance, as the Boar – who will now kill King Duncan.’

While holding by the objectivity of his idea, Hughes admits that ‘almost anything can be projected onto Shakespeare.’ Looked at the other way, Shakespeare takes in everything and everyone, everywhere, although the essence of Yoon and his wife can be extracted from an airport novel as easily as from Jacobean drama. But (Hughes again) ‘Macbeth affects the imagination as he does, more disturbingly than any of the other heroes… because of his double life, undergoing the Adonis-into-Tarquin tragic fate, like all Shakespeare’s tragic heroes, while at the same time living out, as none of the others does, that full subjective awareness of the Boar.’ In Yoon there is no space for Macbeth’s transformation, or his agonized awareness.

Who would be the Duncan/Lucrece figure in a Yoon-Kim version? The Chinese, North Korea; communists, actual or imagined. Lee Jae-Myeong, Cho-Kuk. Those whose elimination is demanded by the excited old people in Gwanghwamun, or by youtubers and hooligans ransacking the court building; anyone who would speak or move against them, and in whom they incarnate a world of menace.

15th August

The 80th anniversary of Independence Day. The lavishness of the commemoration acknowledges what people have endured and withstood since last December; it offers a catharsis. In his speech Lee Jae-Myeong addresses both North Korea and Japan, recognizing the first as an independent nation that is ‘not our enemy,’ and undertakes to work for a lasting peace for the prosperity of all. Co-operation and concord with Japan, also, only makes sense, but it would help if the barbarities of the colonial era were no longer extenuated, and the facts faced up to. Meanwhile he will redress the long neglect of those whose parents and grandparents fought for independence but were later ostracized as communist sympathizers. This resulted from the American intervention, in 1945, on behalf of a governing committee of ‘several hundred conservatives who… served the Japanese, (although) that stigma (was expected) eventually to disappear.’ (H. Merrell Benninghoff, State Department adviser to General Hodge).*

5th September

Cho-Kuk stumbles fatally by making light of a scandal in his party that results in the resignation of two female victims of widely-corroborated molestation, as the male perpetrators evade punishment. Another beacon of rectitude in opposition turns out to be ruinously blind on finally attaining to office.

*Bruce Cumings, Korea’s Place in the Sun: a Modern History, Norton, 1997

† With Trump in office the US government no longer seeks the transfer of control on the basis of increased Chinese hard power in East Asia. It Is, however, seeking a higher payment for providing ‘protection,’ causing some resentment. Lee Jae-Myeong has publicly declared his intention of finally completing the transition.

The People’s Janitor: drafted margins

A memory from the first half of life when a friend and I ran a stone carving and restoration business. Some names have been changed.

Brighton: a cold morning in one’s prime. Cursing in the street, my partner would bid me rise. But sleep has come grudgingly; I’m presently detained in a landscape remote in time. Searching for someone in a dusky wood of tall trees I behold the ruined facade of a Reformation manor house. Perhaps we might tender for repairs to the limestone ashlar. A cry goes up, an admonition, as though from King Hamlet beneath the stage; then a gallet strikes the pane. Finally, hastily astir as the day is steadily sliced away, I’m booted and gloved, slamming the door, breathing raw air, back on the job. Squinting into the headwind, we strike out towards the west pier. Amidst these impressions the dumbshow of the dream is faintly reprised, a loath-to-depart, the end of the reel. My transposition isn’t quite complete. But soon we’re bearing down on our company truck, a superannuated Bedford from the seventies, languishing on the front, where I chose to leave it last night. I haul myself in and turn the key. The sea’s surface is cyan, gulls glide, the motor is silent.

‘Er… is the battery connected?’

But Richard, out on the nearside, has seen its empty cradle and clamps; his face is ready at the window.

‘What battery.’ Levelly. A window flashes open overhead: Embassy Court.

I thump the console, slump back and breathe out. On the esplanade is a distant red kiosk: coins or card. ‘Has your car got any petrol in it?’

‘Some.’ He follows my gaze. ‘But it’s up in Hanover. A bit bloody asking for it, weren’t you, dumping this thing here? You’re not thinking of trying to tow it…’

‘Yeah. I mean, no. Another battery. Shall we just sort one out ourselves, then get this up to the garage. Clutch has just about gone.’

‘We can’t be arsing about with that all day.’ Throwing a glance at the sky. ‘I was going to fix those jambs at Harrietsham. And the mullion. Scaffolding comes down this week. And we still haven’t seen the last payment from English Heritage.’

‘Ah. Talked to them earlier. What’s-her-name, Colloquy. The architect. Wants to come to the yard, look at the stone. She’ll bring the cheque. ‘

‘Colquhoun, the loon. That’s all right then. Nothing better to do.’

‘Well – if by chance Phil can come down and get this going, and you get over to the site, I’ll do the meeting. She won’t stay long. Then see you out there about two.’

Richard assents graciously; the mechanic likewise receives my supplication. We turn and trudge back, each towards his digs. I fetch my old Raleigh, load it on the flatbed, climb aboard again myself, watch the mirror for Phil’s arrival.

The Bedford rolls in the slipstream of lorries and buses. I take out paper and pen. A client expects a letter; I can write anywhere. Or could, the last time I had to. I’m suddenly overturned, as it seems, by a violent swell, or the inrush of a decuman wave from an infinite emptiness, of despair, or grief, or dread, of no apparent cause, seizing up the gears of thought and extinguishing all volition. It is as though time slows almost to a halt and the wave thickens; as if the mass of the South Downs from the Devil’s Dyke to the sea were levigated into a vast bed of grout, an inexorable, lurching, slipping inundation that crams down all hope. All at once I might be a petrified mass on the lifeless moon, far below this blue world waxing and waning on the edge of non-existence. It is a familiar feeling and I know it can’t be repulsed, yet how and why it debilitates me is impossible to understand.

Autumn light and the smell of oil and vinyl, a recaptured ‘context of sensations,’ summon a memory from a quarter century ago. Can’t buy me love is being played on the Light Programme. Finding its tailgate open I inquisitively trespass in the new family car, clamber over the seats, slide down before the controls. I grasp the wheel’s banjo spokes and imagine myself Fireballing through the galaxy. But then, with the same suddenness and force, the entire universe becomes de-sensualized, abstract and unrealizable. It is as though I am pierced, tormented and numbed by some disastrous, irredeemable loss, long before I have lost anything in fact. My father looms in the windscreen, perplexed by my abrupt abjectness of mien. The memory arises, perhaps, because it was the first time I sensed in this aberration my sequestration from the seemingly unoccluded contentment of a ‘normal’ life.

It dissipates as Phil descends, eyes rolling, to revive the stranded relic; like a bat out of hell he then leads the way to his workshop, from which, just in time, I reach our own by bike. The door heaved aside, sunbeams fall on cream-coloured blocks, rubble, bankers, pallets, chisels, mallets, drags and buckets, in dusty repose. There is the anciently aspirant scent of cut limestone. I swiftly sweep the floor, on which shadows of leaves move ‘like silent lips.’ Hark, tyres on the dirt road. A supercilious entrance: I capture the castle. As if sherry expected. It’s cold in here. She casts back a silk scarf, detaches it from the brim of a preposterous hat, checks her shoes. Her bearded acolyte pauses on the threshold, in the frame of broad bright day. As my half-closed eyes pick out the contour of Mount Caburn, his clerkish tenuity tends to invisibleness. I may dodge around him; plunge up those slopes.

‘Thank you for taking this trouble. I’m sure there’s a chair somewhere…’

‘Perfectly all right. Are those the carvings for the portico?’

‘The south portico. Combe Down. We were at the quarry last week.’

They don’t look terribly exciting. I mean, I like your drawings of course. But there’s not much calcite in these samples… and lovely ooliths. I’ve been out there myself. I drew squares around the bits I wanted. Mr. Hancock did say they’d be in this consignment…’ Finger on chin, interrogatively.

I pause for a second at the notion of the quarry owner dutifully extracting, between tea breaks, the most delectable cubes from the quarry wall with a dedicated diamond blade. ‘Well, these were in the last blocks wedged from the beds. There are some nice impurities. In fact… uh… this acanthus leaf has so much calcite on its face it almost couldn’t be carved.’

‘Oh yes. Rather splendid. The odd blemish is forgivable. As long as you remember the formula. Lime putty, stone dust, white cement. When you’re making up.’

‘It’s the best part of breaking up.’

A grin from the beard beside her. She gingerly picks up a dowel pin.

‘Stainless? And you are using bronze wire brushes on the old stonework.’

‘Certainly.’ Meanwhile that mysterious, visceral, vertiginous combination of alarm and stark futility, deepening by the hour, now seems accompanied by a retentive pressure to the head, as if this had become a voussoir in a Roman arch. Sight and sound seem sundered, colour dulled, limbs harder to animate. All is loathsome. I long for the conference to end.

‘Is it also you who does the carving? Or…’

‘Um. Actually I seem to have more of a flair for the fixing. Being outside, on the original structures. That is, I can do the banker work well enough but… coming to stone carving as a painter… I mean, you’re very kind about my drawings. I’m not sure that this is really my medium. To say that I’m an artist, you know.’

She has turned away from the stones and back towards the exit. ‘Yes. I’m sure we must all fervently hope that you find your medium.’ The languorous tone feels a little studied. ‘Anyway it all seems… quite satisfactory and I’m sure it will look jolly nice but can we get a move on. We really can’t go on holding things up while you have to mend your lorry, or whatever it is that keeps happening. Last week we’d nearly given you up for dead.’

I really am very sorry. It’s my fault… I’ve been a little… indisposed, but as you see Richard has been cracking on with the carving and it’s just a matter of the fixing and they’ll be in and finished before the cold weather, no question.’

‘Yes, well, you know. No fixing in freezing conditions.’

‘That’s right. No. It will be done.’

‘Fabulous. And I think you have a message on your answering machine, if you don’t mind my saying. It might possibly be my other colleague… he said he was going to…’

Some yards away, disclosed by impinging shadow, a neglected light pulses. I peer at it doubtfully, sidle between stacks of calcium carbonate and reach across the desk. ‘Your colleague. Right. I didn’t have time. I’ll just… ‘

The machine speaks. ‘It’s George. Need a hand at Stopham Bridge with those ironstone cutwaters. Two of my blokes off tomorrow. Would be nice, if you can.’

Colquhoun turns to her accomplice. ‘Duncan, that’s one of yours.’ To me: ‘I didn’t know you were involved. That project. No wonder…’

Beeping, clicking, then a lustful intake of breath, fiercely amplified.

‘Good afternoon! Phil at the garage. Are you going to come and collect this fucking heap of junk?’

No further messages. She clasps her hands and pushes them downwards, elbows in, shoulders raised, as though contemplating a pyramid of Piero Manzoni’s tin cans. I find my tongue. ‘George helps us sometimes and we do the same for him. We worked a few of the cutwaters. The bulk of our time at present is spent on the carvings.’

‘As it should be. Stopham is hardly a simple matter, either. Restoration is a privilege and not a task.’

‘Indeed.’ I hear myself expatiate wildly. ‘We’ve also had the privilege of restoring a window in Kent. Neo-gothic, not so old but it’s all fascinating stuff. That’s to be completed today. Then we’ll attend entirely to these. ‘

They consult watches. ‘I may be seeing you at Stopham, then.’ This from Duncan, eyebrows amiably raised.

‘Delighted.’

*

The village stores. I’ve never been here before. A sorry batch of pies in the crook of my arm, I fumble for cash. But the actor Tom Baker is before me at the counter, looming over simpering shopkeepers. In three dimensions. Evidently a local. Hands in pockets, he takes momentary stock of me, standing astern. Same kind of hair, not so tall. Might not have noticed him but for recognizing, like everyone else, his voice; fog-horn, remonstrative.

‘You don’t have any whisky? So what do the working classes in Lenham take with their ginger wine?’

Eventually he leaves; the burgher’s eyes rest on my proffered fiver. I glance over my shoulder. ‘Is he in here every day?’

‘If you wouldn’t park there, please. That space is for our delivery van.’

‘That’s a non sequitur, isn’t it.’

‘No – we used to have one of those but the flipping wheels fell off.’

I sling the viands on the passenger seat. Clutch down – it seems to work – ignition. Two miles on, the church heaves into view. Richard descends from the dismantled window as I lunge through the lychgate. We lean on a sarcophagus, looking up, eating rapidly. He screws his eyes closed, half-opens them again.

‘That glare from the stone. Should have brought sunglasses. Pasties are cold.’

‘I had to hang about for Doctor Who.’

A bemused frown. ‘One of the mullion stones was sawn a bit short. So… that offcut knocking around in the truck.’ He nods towards the road. ‘Make them the same length and we can do it in four instead of three.’

‘But we can’t.’

‘What?’ Wearily recoiling. ‘Come on. You get on the inside with the tape and I’ll offer it up.’

‘I mean, we can’t have a joint in the centre. Surely. Lateral stress. They knew what they were doing.’

‘It’ll be pinned. Anyway this lot are going to slap paint all over it the second we’re gone.’

‘No. We can’t do it.’ Pompously; that it should have to be said. He bridles. The rays of the sun, lowering into the clerestory, strike the walls of the nave behind the gaping lancet. As we wrangle I catch, on its cill, the inconspicuous arrival of a cat, white, black and orange, as though incorrectly stuck. From this station it observes our quandary.

‘That bit of Portland I was talking about,’ Richard begins again, having paced the cemetery perimeter in silent exasperation.

I lift my brow out of my hands. ‘What about it.’

‘Extend the middle section with it. Couple of inches. Epoxy resin. Grind the end off nice and square. Then you can have your two joints.’

This is done with adequate craft. The stonework and leaded lights restored, the pointing sponged down, boards swept, ladder stowed, ropes coiled, tools packed, light fading, mortar curing, we prepare to quit the scene.

‘Which way to Lewes?’ He doesn’t waste time with grudges.

‘Through Lamberhurst. Hour and twenty.’

‘Black coffee.’

‘My skin is white, but my soul is black.’

‘Your Roy Orbison is OK but please, enough already with the Steve Marriott.’

To sorrow / I bade good morrow / And thought to leave her far away behind; / But cheerly, cheerly, / She loves me dearly; / …She is so constant and so kind.

The emergency of the unfinished window seems to steady the ship, for the duration. But the heave and sway, the pitching and listing, resumes at nightfall, when I am alone in my lodgings. There is the inaugural adrenaline surge; the helter-skelter descent; the prison bars. I lie face up on the floor. Outside is a sea mist. The steady hooting of an actual fog-horn. A streetlamp illuminates the ceiling; a bare proscenium on which, as if looking down from the flies, I watch the slow dance of a thread of gossamer. This was a sight that fascinated Giacometti. I imagine his contempt were I to tell him that, being depressed, I can’t pick up a pencil. My hands are roughened by stone but my eyes insensate. ‘So what kind of effing artist are you?’ I resolve to get up. The slug-brain grudgingly sends the signals. Pulling on a jacket I go out and wander some way on foot, before setting on a destination. Somewhere west, close to the beach, I step down to an area window and knock.

We’re here to listen. A man of about my age. ‘What’s your name?’ A likeable voice. Not from these parts. A pause; he gently repeats the question.

My speech centres apparently defunct, I am no more able to form words than that inert lump of anorthosite in the Imbrium Basin. Nor can I look back at him. I stare dumbly at the air. The silence continues; his kind eyes wait solicitously. I begin to reverse my steps, with some feeble gesture of reassurance. A half-wave of the hand, a half-shake of the head. I regain the street.

Still the mist. After about a mile, heading slowly back east, I’m accosted by Jeremy, at the wheel of his own battered saloon, halted in the road. He checks the mirror, not wanting to block traffic. He, too, is permanently unsettled; seeking certainty, musing on fresh directions. Yet his diagnoses are unsparingly clear-sighted. He has inspired, in the year or two of our knowing each other, my strong regard.

But, taking the present opportunity, he seeks to express his own for me, beaming brightly as I shuffle towards him, stooping and blinking. He wishes me to know how much he has enjoyed our conversations and cherished our friendship, and regrets that it is not of longer standing. I am to take good care of myself. I attempt, with a grateful smile, to croak out an answer, almost intelligibly. Fortunately he demurs; can’t stop. He bestows his warmest wishes, holds out a hand with an affectionate gaze, and drives on. But I see nothing significant in the encounter. My usual vigilance has failed; each neuron enfettered.

This mad, endless, vicious rodeo. Boxes on wheels, idiosyncratically piloted. The acme of human enterprise. Getting in, getting out, getting in. Can we not get out of them for good. Be rewarded for vision instead. Bring back Landaus, Hansoms, horse shit, no problem. Omnibuses. Trains. Or stay where you happen to be. No need to be gadding about, forever at each other’s throats. Hours pass, but this blackness and motionlessness, this being but not-being, has been and will be everlasting. Morning will not come. I will make it so. I lift my hand, send a signal to the engine. The jalopy and I trundle east: Newhaven, Seaford, and on. Not many miles. I might have stuck with Shank’s pony, set an example. On one mouldering side-panel is painted the legend: NO WAR IN THE GULF. On the other it occurs to me to add: THE REST IS SILENCE. This foolishness embarrasses my resolve. The night sky is overcast; no coruscating firmament.

Nineteen centuries and nine-tenths. Why not stop at this, by means of a cliff whose high and bending head looks fearfully into the confined deep. Between midnight and dawn, when the past is all deception. I do have whiskey (no ginger wine) for furtherance of the aim. It only makes the wind on my face more exhilarating. My bluff is being called. It is as if one personage, possibly thinking twice, is dragged towards the edge by an invisible other. Prone on the beetling brow I grip the angle then slowly stand, looking squarely down. That’s vertigo, though. A seismic shock centred in the viscera. I hear the surf’s faint sough, too distant and dark to see.

An angry run-up, I think. Last kick against the pricks. Furious acceleration, arc clear of the face. So these damnable large feet finally come into their own. But no, that’s not what will happen. It isn’t a cartoon cliff. All the unknown elements. I’ve done no research. I lack conviction, therefore courage. It’s anger that brings me here. At whom, for what? I’m tired of the questions. Anger will persuade; deny reflection. No war, inside. Who began it? But it won’t end, ever, so we’ll engulf the field.

Courage would mean, of course, the end of light, spaces, sounds. Of delight in small things, the hidden things. But not so small or hidden. It’s that the trash took up all the room. In six seconds there’ll be more trash, down there. This lump of scrap, flung before some unfortunate finder. Mysteriously impaired, ex works. But the flinging won’t improve it, by the way. Since death is also the end of learning, my place is regrettably fixed. I’ll rest unequally and ignobly among those of my betters who for more interesting reasons of their own had recourse to self-murder.

‘Threatened with annihilation, life gathers its force, becomes conscious of itself…’ †

Does it? That’s not how it appears. I won’t have it that the going hence must be endured. In any case, what a way for Edgar to speak to his father. But I’ve turned inland. I’m clumping through windswept grass. I’ll cravenly live on, it seems.

In a Romantic sensibility awakened by relief, I hear not a scream passing through nature but, from the whispering sea, paternal reproof: How about some gratitude?

*

‘Did you ever go along to that place. Gloucester. “Depressives Anonymous,” or something. You said you were thinking of going.’

This is unexpected from Richard, eyes on the road and on the clock.

‘I didn’t know you cared.’ This is undue, but overlooked.

‘If after taking on all these contracts you might be about to top yourself it’s of some small material interest.’

‘I did go. A meeting last Sunday. But everyone was too defeated to get anywhere. I was the youngest by God knows how many years. I… well, I felt sorry for them. The chair, for instance. He just about managed to say: “I’ll take the minutes.” Then he slumped back, chucked his glasses on the table and said; “But what’s the point?” It was beyond them even to schedule the next meeting. The room was airless. Desperate. The lights so dim you could hardly see. It didn’t help, getting together – the same suffering in others. Wish I hadn’t. Couldn’t wait to get away.’

‘You said something about violence. In the faraway past.’

‘Philip Larkin, I think. For myself, I don’t recall any such thing. Not literally. I can’t fathom it.’

‘It sounds as though you’re feeling better, if it’s all right for me to say that.’

‘Of course. Sorry about…’

A conciliatory grimace. Say no more.

The riverbank at Stopham. Two hundredweight of sandstone tilts on the edge of the flatbed. Two of us get a grip, swing it off and carry. I’m walking backwards for Christmas. Legs failing. ‘I’ve got to put it down.’ George tosses a skid beneath; we straighten up with groans of relief. The Arun running south; sun setting behind us. A dam fashioned from scaffolding and tarpaulins affords temporary access to the riverbed. I wander for a moment nearer the water’s edge, towards cables, pumps and engineers, one of whom stares back interrogatively.

‘One of mine,’ George calls from the path. ‘Handy with a chisel. Allegedly.’

As we pause he runs through a compressed history. The bridge has been here since about Henry the Fifth.

‘It was damaged in the war. Not bombs, though someone found a mine out there last year. Left behind by the Canadians. Troop transport. Constantly crossing. There was buckling in the piers.’

One stone, especially large, has to slide on a plank. George pushing hard overbalances, reclines in the mud. Some hilarity. Richard brings a crowbar.

‘Sitting down on the job. Where’s that going?’

‘The starling. Or what’s it called. Near the middle. Maybe a rope, with rollers underneath. If we can get it just down there – a few yards closer. Just for now.’

“Why not bed it straight in?’

‘I was going to tool the face over first. If they can do without one of the generators for a minute.’ He smiles up. ‘Do you think we could move it? ‘Cause it’s on my sodding leg.’

I feed sand to the cement mixer. Duncan talks to his Filofax, drawing mockery. Conscious of scrutiny nonetheless, knee-deep in water amid the Acro props and smell of mould, George calls testily for a spirit level. I have something to tell him.

‘Er, that’s the stone I cut the wrong way. It’s edge-bedded.’

He knows. ‘Shut up!’ Sotte voce. But Duncan cottons on.

‘Yes, sorry about that. My assistant has two right brains.’

‘Great. And has he handled hydraulic lime before?’

The sky, the trees, the stone, the quietly and steadily deepening Arun, the steep bank with standing figures, here higher, here lower: all seems vertically aligned as in a medieval fresco, under a gradually emboldened gibbous moon. The illusion breaks as someone monitoring the dam begins to yell.

‘She’s going to go. She’s going to go.’

The basin we stand in begins to fill. Water sprays our backs. Tools are flung on to the bank. Wading and scrambling.

As we gather ourselves, George plugs in a site lamp, folds his arms and surveys the works. But it’s time to leave him to it. We jolt away through the forest of Andred, relieved of load.

Richard tests the transmission sceptically. ‘Sarah said she and her crowd would be at the White Hart. Or the Star. Might still make it. Are you up for that? Or…’

‘I might not be the life and soul…’

He shrugs. ‘A quick pint wouldn’t hurt, I dare say.’

*

We truck on, traversing the greensands and clays, homing in, at the end of a dreamy hour, on a final stretch of road, to the public telephone box hard by the pub, in which Sarah herself is illuminated, arrested, listening, mid-call. Unwelcome news.

Others step softly in and out of the saloon bar. Necks are craned. Just discernibly, beyond the attentive group, through the glass panels, her fingers dab her eyes.

We alight inquiringly. A figure comes forward; her sister, Ruth. ‘Jerry,’ she says, and turns abstractedly away.

I wait. Richard makes his way inside, returns, looks behind, around, then at me.

‘Something to do with Jeremy,’ I say.

Stock-still. ‘It seems they found… him this morning. Beachy Head.’

Low voices cease as Sarah comes away from the booth. Its door eases itself practically closed. Ruth has her arm. Nothing is said.

I think of the wind and sky, the black void, the drop, hours before.

‘What time did it happen.’

Ruth turns back. ‘Sometime in the early hours.’ A long breath in, and out. ‘It looks like it was planned.’

‘But… him? Of all…’

‘”Travel to the ultimate guru.”‘

‘What?’

‘A note to himself. He drew up a list of options. Some of them very sensible. But that one he didn’t cross out.’ She presses her lips together.

A silence. Leaves fall. ‘The… alternatives?’ someone asks, hesitantly.

She lifts her eyes over our heads, over the trees, tracing the moon’s glimmer, incredulous, arms folded. ‘Mundane.’

‘When did he go up there?’ I ask myself, aloud.

‘But he was so clever, so thoughtful… so… rational.’

Just such a waste… just…’

‘It was… ‘ Sarah puts in, ‘you know… rationalized. Utter conviction. To the last detail. I can’t… I don’t want to…’

‘No,’ I say, my hand over my mouth, gazing far down the empty road. ‘But who saw him last?’

‘Hang on… who’s with his mother? Does anyone know?’

Heads turn back towards the phone box, delivered of message, whose pale lamp holds this circle of faces, of young votaries. Designed by Gilbert Scott, after Soane’s mausoleum. As a child I would thrust, with the heels of small hands, at buttons A and B. The wonder of it: that you could trade with the world, rain or shine, all from in there. Later, wantonly strong and spry, I would leap and lark on the iron dome. But the lesson that follows my decision, this very day, to live and learn, now overpowers me totally. An enhanced intensity in everything seems to pull it more tightly to the earth. I feel transfixed, rooted like a tree by that giddy precipice, crook-backed under sea gales, forever contemplating the ground. I make to haul open the door, then release. I see, again, the sun-glow in the choir; I hear the sandstone cleaving the Arun. I see his figure, meet his eyes, hear his voice. I see myself letting him go. I break away from the bereft gathering. Light from the coast is reflected in low cloud, but the surrounding, soundless Downs are dark as Erebus. Someone brushes past me. Supplementary inquiries are made.

† Serge Dubrouvsky, The Ethics of Albert Camus

Other borrowings: from Shakespeare (Hamlet, Ling Lear), Dickens (Hard Times), Keats (Endymion), Eliot (The Dry Salvages).

The People’s Janitor: Styx stage rise

This attempt at a short story was composed for a competition from actual events experienced variously by the author, his wife and her late mother, including the lethal flooding of Central Seoul in the summer of 2022. Also portrayed are some circumstances related to the death of Chang Chun-Ha, the pro-democracy activist whose body was found near Pocheon in 1975.

‘This late in the summer,’ says my neighbour. ‘In July we had almost none. But now. So much of it.’

I shake my head. ‘The corn…’

‘I’ve given up hope.’ She looks out at furiously, endlessly falling rain. ‘And the rice yield… bad enough last year. We’re expecting worse this time.’

‘Well,’ I say, ‘not that it really helps, I realise, but I shan’t be wanting rent for the fields. No, no,’ as she demurs, ‘I couldn’t have managed on my own. Impossible. And I’m so glad not to have to worry about the place…’ The drumming on the pane intensifies; we hear thunder. Nothing can be seen of those fields, the town, the mountains. ‘Obviously something’s awry. With the monsoon. My daughter…’ at this I recall the grinning child on her father’s shoulders, under a great sun hat, before the bright road into Cheorwon. Back then it lay further from the farm and quietly meandered, lined with poplar trees. ‘My daughter was at a demonstration, this week, down in Seoul. She gets worked up, at the government. Yes, we know they’re a bunch of gangsters. But you see now it’s – which is it – Kepco’s new project in Vietnam, but like all those big firms, still using coal. Hence the sea is too warm and we get all this. She explains it to me, I didn’t know. Well, be that as it may and all power to her, and her friends, but… I hope she doesn’t cause trouble for herself. And then, when you try to explain to them what it was like for us… in those years…’

‘Just having to survive. No, that’s right. But how could they understand, to be fair?’ There’s just enough daylight in the room to see her leaning towards me. ‘Anyway surely you needn’t worry about Bo-Geum. Can’t imagine her doing anything daft.’

The kettle is empty. ‘I was just trying to remember. When was it that they widened the road?’ Rising, switching things on, I nod towards the front door. ‘Was it Roh Tae-Woo or Kim Yeong-Sam? I mean, when they straightened it and pulled up the trees and turned it into this awful highway for the tanks and what have you.’

‘Oh. Kim Yeong-Sam.’ She frowns. ‘I think. Or was it? I was practically a child myself. Yes, that was a shame. Now we hear them racing up and down morning, noon and night… the kids that is, never mind the army.’ Pausing, listening. ‘But it doesn’t seem all that bad from here. Does it keep you awake?’

‘No, not as a rule. I just notice it when I’m in the yard…’

‘I do hope not. You must make sure you sleep. So important. And the place is spotless, if I may say so. Really no need to do any more. We’ll take care of it.’

‘Well, that pantry… I was just going to see to it before I go to bed…’

‘Really, what’s wrong with it? You should see ours, good God. Now… what’s funny?’

‘Nothing… only, cleaning the pantry takes me back to that trip to Cambodia with Bo-Geum and her family. I was all excited. The first time we’d been anywhere. I cleaned it just before we left… now I always enjoy it, you see…’ She’s half-listening. Dogs are barking; her husband’s car turns into the yard. ‘Four shelves, three walls, the floor. Eighty-four tiles. I work my way round and it feels like that day all over again. All those memories, inch by inch. And each time you know, they aren’t quite the same…’

Now with a familiar stab comes another memory: of the same child, but solitary and under threat; and of a tall pine on a remote mountain path.

‘Look, are you in pain? Please do sit down…’

‘Not at all. Nothing at all.’

I might wince involuntarily, I don’t know how many times a day. Why? As if I alone had been responsible for everything. Even if I were, there it is; nothing to be done.

They’ll pick me up in the morning. Just as far as the bus station, I insist. Then I really will be all right, as far as Seoul. Bo-Geum will be there. She wanted to come up and collect me. Nonsense, no need. All that way and back.

Two miles to the bus, no more. If only I could still walk. I always walked. Yes, that’s the trouble. It’s all down there in Seoul, nothing up here. Hospitals, universities. Business. Where it all goes on. The intensity, the weariness. You can keep it, frankly. But it can’t be avoided, in the end.

Morning, and yet more rain beating on the windows. I see grey light. On the edge of wakefulness I still feel, for a second, the pressure of fingers on my shoulder. Then it isn’t there and never was there. It’s ten years now. But I felt that weighty but tender hand and heard the murmured phrase: Come home. How alive the past is, in full detail, unveiled. If you drop into it without thought, without touching the sides. The wrinkles when he smiled. The awareness in his eyes. Wherever I’m going, it will be wherever he is. When they’re done with me.

But it must be six. On your feet, woman. You would get over these things, they just went away. Not now. They accumulate. Like going down one stair, then another; inexorably down. Mother was the same at this age. I catch myself. The shuffling, stomping and groaning. The shoulder-shrugging. When did that start? It’s her, but exactly. I see and hear her, I am her. But she never knew such rain. The season would be long over by now. In our day. Better have the ondol for a while. Floor feels damp. Give it a wipe before I go. Not so bad on the knees, but it’s the getting up. The sea is too warm, Bo-Geum says. Well, her education. What all this was for. Move to Seoul? After all this. An apartment? If I must, I must. There it is. Not so in other countries. She went to see. Not everything in the one city. I don’t really mind. It’s even a relief no longer to be able to choose.

Any rice in the cooker? They said nothing to eat before the procedure. Ah but that’s tomorrow. Have to get there first. A night on the ward. Scans, tests, all the rest of it.

Her lot were the first, free to travel the world. Go hither and yon. For us, just the farming. Unless you were in with the government. With all the money. We had to get on with it. But she did us proud. Who’s that out there? Ji-Hoon’s father. Shouldn’t be digging, heaving those sacks. His back in that state. This heat and humidity. His kids won’t dirty their hands. Like a lot of them. Dreaming. Get rich. As if by magic. Want to be film stars. All in the city. Do their make-up on the train. The whole kit comes out. Photographing themselves, doing nothing. I’ll soon be out of it. Who’ll work the fields, in the end? They said they won’t sell. Not to more builders. Blocks looming over. Block the sun. And empty. Things can’t grow.

Here’s the bus, as they help me out of the car and linger, beaming and bowing.

‘Thanks again. Please… no, the bag isn’t heavy…’

‘Until Friday, then. Lunch at the church. Everyone expects you.’

‘Well, that would be lovely of course…’ I grasp the rail. The driver looks down, hands on the wheel. I look at my feet, still on the road.

‘Of course it will. You’ll feel better in a couple of days – you’ll see.’

The bus ride seems quicker than I remember. But last time I was carrying the garlic and peppers. Though now I think of it that was years ago. Every seat taken. Not now. All private cars. They’re going to cut the service. No good even if I could stay in Cheorwon. Already here’s Do-Bong mountain, smoking between downpours. I step down and take in the air. Clean, for the moment. Revives my senses. I cross to the metro and hear laughter in the lull, as light appears to gather in the sky and in youthful smiles. If I could only hike up those paths with them. I’d drown in the luxuriance of wild lilies. This useless, lachrymose old age. So has the rain stopped at last? But no. By the time the train reaches Hoegi, rills from umbrellas and boot-printed puddles proliferate at every stop. Quite a crowd. Wasn’t that Bo-Geum’s face in there? It wasn’t. She said to meet at the restaurant. Though people often send on something of themselves, just before you run into them. Unwittingly I doze. I’m in the mountain again; that day long ago, under the great pine. The greatest pine. Bo-Geum’s guardian spirit. I see her sitting beneath the tree and then, flung down in a corner of the frame, something flat and broken; there for a moment, half a lifetime ago, now coming into view again. Before the vision is complete I come to myself; here is Dongdaemun. I rise as the doors open but Bo-Geum enters – it is actually she – turning me around and back to my seat.

‘You’re here – what’s this – what about lunch?’

‘Mother, the floods. They closed the market. Could we not eat at the hospital?’

‘We could, but I’ve nothing to -‘

‘I’ve brought you this nightdress. It’s never been worn.’

‘Well, how nice. You’re terribly kind. But what about Yong-Jin and the children – won’t they be home soon?’

‘He has the day off. It’s fine, honestly. They’ll go to the Chinese restaurant. Their favourite.’

We transfer at Jongno Sam-Ga, in whose damp halls files of police lean on their shields; fresh recruits, under orders of some jackanapes so self-important he nearly knocks us over. But we may proceed to Irwon. This train is less full. Some yards away a dishevelled ancient mutters to himself, peering in all directions, picking at his crumpled jacket.

‘Those poor lads.’

‘That’s right. A waste of their lives.’

Again I see the shattered mannequin cast down the mountainside, the rags on the pine needles, in the tail of my eye, as I scrambled fearfully up in search of the tree to which I had secured my child. The woman now beside me. There were boars, wolves. I won’t forgive myself. The harm she might have come to, alone either there or in the empty house. Yet it had to be one or the other. My husband was threshing rice at his brother’s place, up by the border.

She was barely a year old. Alone. Must have been terrified. The best part of an hour. I’ve never told her. Nor about the few seconds for which I paused, nor what diverted me. Its lying in a place and manner that it should not. Not stirring at my approach. A fly on a corner of the mouth. All the same, one says ‘Hello?’ to those motionless eyes. You have to tell yourself: well, there’s no longer someone there. He was a stranger. There were dozens like him up there, during the war. But that was twenty years before. At the back of his skull something had collapsed; a doll whose stitching had unravelled. He had tumbled through the bush above him, down to this spot. No rock lay near. The breeze, the creaking branches, the redness of the soil, things busy in it.

The memory tracks on. My child was waiting. I frantically resumed my climb. I had gone as fast as I could but to leave her for an instant was an instant too long. Arms swinging and flailing with each yard gained, I wanted them to pull the mountain down, to have her fall back into them. My eyes roved fearfully ahead as I strained and toiled. Surely we had not come this far. Yet there she sat, bound but unharmed, only the breeze stirring. I thanked God, I thanked the tree. I was aware of a sinister noise – not quite like distant thunder – a column of tanks passing the farm, inaudible on the slopes I had risen from. As distant sound cuts to high peaks, from then on I wanted only to expunge from our lives this hour of separation. Of course, I could not; it had happened, it always will have happened. Breathlessly I unwound the rope as she stared up. She had pulled away the soft tree-bark. Earth fell from her tiny fists. Once on my back, the descent under way, she began to cry. I realized that I had been crying for some minutes.

‘Yes, I am sorry. So very, very sorry. So very sorry.’

‘Why are you sorry, mother?’

Jolted out of reverie, I see that we have stopped at Yaksu. ‘Oh… for the trouble you’ve taken.’ The doors open again; I raise my voice a little. ‘Bringing these clothes. So very thoughtful.’

On that long-ago day I was forced to go down by the track I’d already used three times: up with Bo-Geum, down with the sheaves of mulberry, back to retrieve her. I looked neither left nor right. I did not wish to see the figure again and, though in due course and with dreadful reluctance having to return to that spot, I never did. My back ached but I held on to her, stepping downward as swiftly as I safely could over the stones and roots. Tomorrow she could ride in the barrow, to town with the things for market.

Does she remember the leaves spread out for the silkworms, tables mounted on tables? They were always there, of desperate necessity. We were on our own, we had nothing. But nothing. No, the young now. Can’t imagine. They have their own troubles. But what would they have done when…

‘Ha. What they must think of us. To come here and walk around like that.’

Two embarking foreigners, bearded, burdened with rucksacks and – despite the storm – shirtless, ghastly, glistening, throw themselves down and squint into phones.

‘Perhaps they think they’re… what are they called… the museum in London. Greek. Cen-taur, yes. Ma? There were these wonderful sculptures…’

We leave the tunnel and clatter across the Han, swollen with rain, with the derelict in a sudden frenzy, as if animated by the sombre light of day. He stands and aims an imaginary rifle out over the water. ‘Bang!’ reloading, re-firing. ‘Boom!’ Brandishing bombs. Wildly miming the mayhem of battlefields. A narrow stare from the backpackers, drawn out of their screens. A girl throws eyeliner into her bag and scurries out of range.

Overdressed women hasten in at Apgujeong, vacant seats in their sights, size up the scene and swerve away. But the excitement ceases. Calm though unsteady, the old man approaches the pale hatchet faces, who recoil. Draws himself up, heels together. A salute, a proffered hand, a warm but toothless grin; all rebuffed. They look down and resume their scrolling.

He shuffles nearer us, examining his battered hands. She watches him. ‘Of course they don’t know,’ I decide to say. ‘To him they’re his comrades. The trauma from that war. Vietnam. The dictatorship… he was sent out there with the rest…’

Foreign soldiers from the tanks would proffer sweets that she furiously threw back.

‘The Americans.’ Bitterly. ‘Bankrolled the regime. A quid quo pro. That bastard. Banged up the opposition. Murdered them with hammers, dumped them in the mountains. There’s evidence now. As for his apotheosis, these deluded old fools…’

Seemingly spent, the veteran sits on the floor, cross-legged. Journey’s end.

‘That’s as maybe. Certainly there was no support. His lot were left to get on with it.’

‘And filthy deals with the occupiers. Lousy quisling. Money, and no apology. Your aunt Su-Jeong, and the others – what they went through. “Comfort!” If not for him…’

Of course she is afraid. Has missed her father so terribly.

‘Some would say, there’d be no trains, no hospitals, no doctors.’

‘For God’s sake, Ma. The cost…’ She laughs suddenly. ‘”Why do you read from left to right!” Remember Su-Jeong saying that to those kids – Mormons, where they? – when they stopped you that day.’

‘Well, she was another one. Drinking before breakfast. That’s what those experiences can do to people.’

The torsos alight with rolling gaits, as though after a long sea voyage. A young Japanese couple, unfolding maps, unassumingly takes their place.

‘They’re drenched, look. What’s going on with the floods?

‘There was no preparation. Nothing. Since the mayor died – you know – sorry, but the stories are rubbish. The prosecutors, the press, doing as they always do. He knew they wouldn’t stop, savaging his family. He didn’t have time to be doing those things they accuse him of. When he switched off his phone out in Seongbuk that morning… mother, it’s true. They were all peddling that trash before his ashes were cold. Junked his legislation. They’re in with the developers, that’s why. Now you can’t see the mountain for vacant apartments that no-one can afford. And Gwanghwamun. The trees ripped up, that awful statue. Pyeongyang kitsch…’

‘All right. Well?’

‘Well, only they poured concrete over the lot and didn’t upgrade the drains. So of course the areas below filled with water. It’s worse by the hour… they knew the rain was coming and did nothing.’

Briefly the doors draw aside to reveal a bier, beneath… no: a bench, beneath a sleeping cleaner. The chance arising. They work absurd hours. It’s quiet this far down the line. We hear him breathe but I watch carefully, also to see.

‘When those students went down with the ferry… the same dissembling. The shame on this country. You know what? It’s as if the Japanese never actually left…’

‘Bo-Geum, I’m going into hospital today and I can’t be all that sure that I’m coming out again.’

She covers her face with her hands, pushes back her hair. ‘I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be helping…’

‘Yes, please don’t get overwrought. It doesn’t help.’

But of course she’d remember the mulberry. Because when she had grown a little she learned to cut it herself. Washed her own things in the stream. The corn was tall the last time we had to carry laundry back to the house. It was Chuseok. Things were improving, in the middle of life.

Our stop is announced and now there does come, as I move to rise, a brief sweep of pain; like a flare of colour, a bird surprised on the mountain path, the upward thrash of wings. At the same time, all in an instant, I see the momentary grimace on my face mirrored in that of my mother. Of course she would know about this: the decrepitude, the steps down and down. Bo-Geum, busy collecting her things, does not see and anyway could not know, as at her age I could not, even faced with the grimacing and groaning. Nor would I want her to. Sorrowing for the world, while drifting out of reach. Flotsam and jetsam. But other things I do want her to know. Always meant to tell. This as good a day as any. Won’t be many more ahead. Better out than in. Let it fly.

The disruption caused by the rains is such that our train is the last to run. Hospital staff with brooms struggle to expel a broad body of water from the entrance lobby. On the ward several floors above, an additional bed is provided for Bo-Geum. It cheers me to see her eat heartily. Other patients pass us oranges and rice-cake.

‘Take these home. For the children.’

‘Mother. No. You’ll see them soon. And I don’t know when I can leave.’

Food and communion allay my private dread and abate the yearning. I nod off again. I find myself In the farmhouse, opening a chest and unfolding my mother’s hanbok. She wore it at my wedding. The match had her full approval. They got on so warmly, he and she. I’m climbing the steps to the roof. In dreams, somehow, I never hear the wind blow. On the ancient plank of timber that props up the clothes line is a message, painted in ink, as on the roof-beam of a Choseun palace. I read: Stay as you are. The crown of our great plum-tree nudges the parapet. Over and beyond, Cheorwon’s new buildings appear for the first time upside-down, reflected in the rice fields. The waters have been rising steadily. I am marooned, but unafraid.

I’m awake. The moment is here. The dread returns, but I make a opening.

‘Hmm. Bo-Geum, do you remember the mulberry? You were just a tiny thing. The tables stacked up for the silkworms. In that back room.’

‘Ah yes. Scared the daylights out of me. Those little green dragons. As I thought. And I could even hear them munching…’

But here a commotion arises. Exclamations from a group in the corner. Headlines glare down from the TV screen; heads turn. It appears that the havoc has been lethal. Citizens trapped in floodwater. Perishing in their own homes as we trundled through the metropolis. Others, caught in the streets, have been immersed in tunnels, sucked into drains. Once again the most indigent and vulnerable are punished. Talk is quelled, upturned faces blench at the footage. Romping children, their bows long since performed to invalid grandparents, are quietly admonished. Nobody says aloud, ‘How the hell can this happen?’ That is for tomorrow.

She has his eyes. But that they should be seeing such things. Daughter, don’t feel so much. It’s sickening, yes. But anger won’t win. Don’t grieve, smile. Take this money, all I can give. Look after my grandchildren, and yourselves. She protests, through tears.

‘Come off it, Ma. We’re going to Jeju the week after next. You’ll have a great time.’

‘And please… stay as you are.’

When it’s evening in the mountain the flowers of mulberry are still visible, a faint constellation that coheres and brightens on the edge of vision. And now I see the white gown of my waiting escort, Jeoseung Saja.

The People’s Janitor: Derry Court

He stopped dead in his tracks… to recapture the fine filament, the telegraphic current, that had so strongly moved him. A moment, and he had caught it again; and with it this time came recollection in fullest flood. – Kenneth Graham

To them Howards End was a house: they could not know that to her it had been a spirit, for which she sought a spiritual heir. – E. M. Forster

The smell of rabbitskin glue, dissolving in a double boiler, always recalls me to faraway Friday evenings in the kitchen of our home, where my father, at the end of another week of his detested job (officer for securities in a high street bank) would prepare surfaces for painting. For linen and chassis he often substituted muslin on hardboard, but the paintings have survived half a century. On Sunday afternoon he would take his easel and oils out on the nearby Surrey downs, or else work on a still life or a portrait (generally of himself, of necessity) in the dining room, while listening to Louis Armstrong’s Hot Fives – or perhaps Bessie Smith or Jelly Roll Morton. When the stylus was riding on the four-speed Philips AG 1025 you had to tread gently, but in any case knew better than to interrupt a painter at work. The records were purchased at Dobell’s in Charing Cross Road. He would take me with him and I remember being curious about a group of people by St Martin-in-the-Fields (‘hippies’, as he explained, never disparaging them) on a spot where, as a young adult myself some fifteen years later – the time of the near-disastrous ‘Able Archer 83’ military exercise – I would be arrested while protesting the installation of cruise missiles in the UK. Both of us had lived through the Cuban missile crisis.

He continued to paint, when he allowed himself the time, at the house on the Sussex coast where he and my mother had moved on retiring. In The Kingdom by the Sea the painter Mick Rooney told its author Paul Theroux that Hastings was a perfect place for painters, full of big cheap houses and ‘super light.’ Later I inherited the studio in Prospect Place relinquished by Rooney. I had come upon Derry Court when my parents first thought of moving to the town – its name painted on the transom above the front door – on a lone trip down the A21 after some disappointing investigations of other properties. My father devoted the last eight years of his life to its refurbishment. Like many of his generation he could turn his hand to most things. His death left my mother permanently prostrate. Six rooms were occupied by student lodgers who had to be ministered to. I stayed there frequently during her widowhood for this purpose, and took up the work my father had been unable to finish.

My mother’s resourcefulness was of a more extemporaneous kind, as I first saw on another day in the 1960s when my father’s car needed a gearbox, the garage couldn’t locate one and he was late for work and in despair. Within half an hour, from the window of my room, I saw her dragging the very thing (correct model and serial number) towards the house, lashed to her shopping trolley. While buying ham she had asked the butcher if he happened to know where this component might be found; he by some chance, remarkably, was able to produce, from his back yard, precisely the unit required. For many of its residents, to have a neighbour – a woman, at that – haul a lump of machinery down the avenues of a Surrey village, with its trimmed hedges and verges, did not become the ambience of the area that they toiled in their own way to maintain, even just two decades after the war. Horse-drawn rag-and-bone carts provided an indispensable service but it was not also required that their drivers live in the same streets. However, such places were not found everywhere in the British Isles, or the rest of the world. At the far end of the Eurasian continent, in Korea, the mother of my wife-to-be would pull a barrow loaded with vegetables, and her baby daughter, from her farm in Gangwon-Do to the market at Uncheon, a round trip of some seven miles.

But now the one my mother loved was gone. She would drink, which was reason enough not to leave her alone for more than a few days. Yet she continued to rise early to set about some project, dreamt up overnight and pursued amidst a height of disorder that belied the shrewdness of the aim. By degrees she herself became ill and I was obliged to move in permanently. The sounds of her morning industry ceased. It was not clear that I would have the wherewithal to preserve the property after her death, however far ahead that might be. She became vexed when I tried to discuss this. Our last exchange on the subject was terminated by a sharp crack from the more distant of the front rooms on the ground floor, as though something had been flung against a panel. Opening the door to that room I discovered one of my father’s paintings – a self-portrait that bore an expression of painful awareness – resting in a basket of laundry in the centre of the floor, eight feet from a chest of drawers on which it had stood for months, leaving a stripe in the dust. There was no open window, no cat and no-one else in the house; even if there had been, hurling the painting into the heap of clothes would make little if any sound. My mother, not deigning to leave the kitchen, received the report indifferently, without surprise. We never spoke about this spasm of psychic energy, but nor was it the last such things went on.

By this time, despite the size of the house, I began to find it necessary to go out somewhere alone in order to think, or to write, and took to writing letters – for the most part to doctors and care workers – at a table in the obligingly capacious local post office (writing letters by hand was not yet a generally obsolete practice). Three or four yards from the spot where I did this was a photo-booth, with the usual grey curtain partly concealing the interior and its adjustable circular stool. On one occasion when the place was quiet, with few customers at the distant service tills and no Iine of sight from that point to the area where I worked, I was disturbed by an unusual commotion issuing from the booth. Stepping over and drawing aside the curtain, I found it empty. But the seat of the stool was shuddering and turning with increasing speed, as though driven by the cogs and spindles of some unseen apparatus, or as it might – I suppose – during an earthquake. No external vibration was detectable. As I looked on the agitation continued, vigorously, for a minute or so before the turning motion slowed and stopped. In rotating the seat had raised itself slightly. No less odd was the chance absence of other witnesses.

Later, having dispatched my letters and climbed the hill to Derry Court, I spied in the road before it a stranded nestling, which within seconds was scooped, shrieking, into the air by a raven that hurtled down in a brutal parabola and in a moment had soared over the roofs towards the beach.

From this point until her own early death, which in fact came within a very few years, I was constrained by the requirements of my attention to the house, the needs of its occupants and my increasingly dependent mother, eventually to the point of giving up other employment, projects, activities or companionship. She developed cerebrovascular disease. For a period of fifteen months I was unable to leave her for more than twenty or thirty minutes at a time; neither of us had a night of unbroken sleep. Under such conditions, as any carer will know, one is in a state of constant alert, since the potential for disaster perceived anywhere will be quickly realised unless action is taken on the instant. Thus on one occasion, on course for the kitchen with both arms full but having noticed, in passing her room, that a corner of the bed cover lay on the floor, I allowed myself thirty seconds – in which time my mother, on her feet and shuffling about not far away, would likely not have time to reach it first – to set down whatever I was carrying, circle back, remove the hazard and ensure that a fall did not take place. But in the kitchen I was waylaid by a lodger waiting for me with a question, and then turning out to have several more questions. I failed to tear myself away, and within a minute both of us heard my mother’s cry as she stumbled over the cover and cracked a rib.

At my request, my mother was admitted to hospital whenever she became dehydrated or her blood pressure alarmingly high, which was increasingly often. Yet it was far from clear to me that she was on the point of dying. This was one of several serious misjudgements, whatever else I got right. On certain occasions my instinct preserved her life, as hers had once saved mine. Sadly, from my earliest years, our relationship had been maddeningly fraught with conflict and struggle. This difficulty was never resolved; only when she was long dead did it begin to make sense to me. I have spoken of this elsewhere, briefly. No one was to blame. After the loss of my father the quandary grew more intractable. ‘Thank God,’ he had said at the end, ‘I don’t have to worry about your mother.’ Unfortunately, ten years later, I attempted to extricate myself just as death was about to part us.

Her consultant neurologist told me in plain terms that I could no longer look after her at home; that her condition now required her to be placed in residential care. It now seems to me that to accept this advice was a terrible error, but I began the arrangements, which entailed the mortgage of the house. Its eventual loss was thereby ensured. I had seen this coming for years but, owing to one obstruction or another, none of the many schemes I conceived to avert it could be put into effect. Meanwhile, through an open studio project in Brighton years before, I had met the woman I would eventually marry (hereinafter B-K), who by this time had returned to her country after a period of study in the UK. We agreed that sooner or later I would join her in Seoul, although I had never travelled beyond western Europe.

Characteristically, my mother fought to stave off her decline but – as is now clear, but was never spelled out – with no chance of prevailing. At our next meeting she wailed: ‘We’ll never walk by the river again!’ I had sometimes taken her for a turn along the bank of the Brede, on the far side of Winchelsea; on the last outing we had managed barely fifty yards. Coming away from the dismal ward on which she was languishing I fell into talk with another hospital visitor; a man who, finding that we happened to be the same age and shared a certain Weltschmerz, wished to promulgate The Grail Message, written in the 1920s by Oskar Ernst Bernhardt. I wasn’t about to accept a word of it, but he was agreeable company, and the conversation went on over coffee at the station as we waited for trains to take us in different directions, before parting for good. But with dawn approaching meanwhile in the Far East, B-K asleep and dreaming had observed me, through a café window, sitting with an unknown Black interlocutor. This represented what in real time was literal fact. To her, however, the mirage, or vision, whose every detail she beheld as though she were actually there, seemed filled with some immanent but unidentifiable menace. She knocked on the glass and frantically waved, which no more in the dream than in the simultaneous reality did I either hear or see.

I installed a caretaker at Derry Court and, with the blessing of my mother’s surviving sisters – who on regular visits were to find its services egregiously inadequate – left her weeping in her new, unwanted home and boarded a flight to Korea, about which I knew practically nothing, to discover what I might make of myself there. I had intended to stay two or three months but, my mother’s condition declining rapidly, returned after six weeks. She appeared somehow to have held on in order to see me again. She died on the second day, a few hours after singing, at my request, a song she had sung to me as a child. I had never asked before and don’t know why I took it into my head to do so, but she complied promptly. I did not think of singing to her, like Stephen Dedalus. I assured her that I was about to marry a woman who would care for me, that all would be well, and declared that, if it were her wish, I could still somehow save the house. Hearing this, she gazed at me for some time. I pushed away from my mind the fact I could almost certainly do no such thing; that it was too late, not least because she herself, in part, had prevented me – notwithstanding her hope that it would be saved. After this exchange she finally let go, as it seemed, and faded quickly, calling out in distress (as my father had done in extremis), yawning (brain seeking oxygen; she was given a mask) and settling with her head against mine. When I knew she had gone I held on for some while. Nurses then came, thinking I had to be told. For seven hours no doctor was available to certify the death. She lay there throughout the evening, as visitors came and went at other beds.

Later that week a priest called to discuss arrangements for the funeral service. Shortly before he was due I discovered that several of the twenty-odd doors in the house would not open; their brass keys would not turn. The door to the garden at the rear, never before having failed to unlock instantly and easily, was one of these. While struggling with it I heard the front-door bell and, crossing the hall, was able to open the front door to admit him. For the rest of the day there was no more difficulty with the doors, but on the morning of the funeral itself they again refused to yield. The door to the first-floor bathroom was especially grudging. It was tried by a number of guests. Eventually I took the key, and a ladder, and let myself in through the window. But the resistance was the same from the inside as the outside, and I had to give up and climb out again. B-K then appeared, having dressed and eaten in another part of the house; she had arrived from Seoul the previous evening. She approached the bathroom door and with her tiny hand turned the key and opened it as though nothing at all had been wrong. All doors were then found to function normally.

Derry Court in Hastings, a brief uphill slog from the cricket ground at Priory Meadow, was a detached double-fronted house with three floors, built by a Mr. Woodall for his own family in 1892. It still stands; the cricket ground is long gone. Woodall constructed several other houses in the same road as his own, but the genius loci of Derry Court – a kind found only in old houses on the English coast – seemed to have gathered itself from the woods, heathlands, sky and shore of that corner of Sussex and come to be lodged in, or infused into, the walls, ceilings, timbers, beams, mouldings and the entire volume of this one in particular. Perceptible to visitors and residents alike, it was a positive, benign attendance; vivifying, even transformative. The house was large without being vast, but in it one’s soul might stretch and soar and perform aerobatics, like a tern over the sea (which could be seen from the upper floors). On winter afternoons its generous spaces, still and tenebrous, seemed to become yet broader and deeper, and those superhuman vibrations more palpable.

Elsewhere in 1892 Ibsen’s play The Master Builder was published, and my grandfather John Joseph Leavey (known as ‘Jack’) was born in Dublin. On the evening of 12th October 1920 he attended to his sister Brighid whose husband, Professor John Carolan, had been shot during a frenzied British raid at Fernside, their home at 37 Upper Drumcondra Road. My great-aunt had been running a safe house. Two officers in the raiding party died; their quarry, Seán Tracey and Daniel Breen, escaped by dropping from the first floor through the roof of a greenhouse and making away through fields at the rear. Carolan, who also died from his wounds, was unarmed and remonstrating with the officers; Major Osbert Smyth had been seeking revenge for his brother’s killing in the Listowel mutiny that summer. Of Leavey’s five other sisters, two were lost during the Dublin curfew.

Landing in Dublin not long ago my wife and I boarded a bus for Wicklow; looking out as the vehicle halted in traffic I found Fernside itself staring squarely back (Victorian red brick, like Derry Court, three hundred and sixty miles away). I was once told that Leavey had known Michael Collins, the population of Dublin at that time being only a few hundred thousand, and I suppose he would have favoured The Treaty. During World War One he joined the Gallipoli campaign. ‘Irish soldiers had as often fought for England as against her, more so, in fact. And now, why?’ asks Leopold Bloom in the ‘Eumaeus’ chapter. John Redmond and the Irish party had pledged support to Asquith and the Allied cause in return for Home Rule. But I cannot answer for my grandfather, who is still remembered for leaving the country ‘under a cloud’ to evade his creditors. In the late 1930s, not long after knocking a man into the Liffey for a passing slight as my mother – his fifth child – looked on, he abruptly emigrated to London with his family, without first informing them of his plan. Later, after VE day, the younger of his two sons sailed back to marry a girl in Cork, carrying a wedding cake so cumbersome that he deposited two of its tiers in the Irish Sea. My mother spent a memorable night alone during the Blitz on the top floor of what was probably the Sutton and Cheam General Hospital. She was then evacuated to Sussex for the remainder of the war, returning to live there in later life. On a visit to England ten years ago I restored the Leavey grave in Sutton cemetery. My grandmother Mary lies there with her husband. He died in 1956, she in 1963; her voice is one of my most distant memories.

My paternal grandfather, a Royal Navy Artificer whose family was also from Ireland, was one of twelve men who survived the sinking of his destroyer HMS Tipperary, on the morning of June 1st, 1916, by the German Battle Cruiser SMS Westfalen, during the Battle of Jutland. A hundred and eighty-five others perished.

I return to Derry Court endlessly, in dreams which began on my emigration. For a very long time they recurred every night; now, after twenty years, I find myself back in the house two or three times a week, caring for my ailing mother and facing its loss all over again, although in fact the circumstances revisited by the dreams – that is, the period of greatest stress and difficulty – wore on for something under four years. Whatever sorrows the future brings, somehow I know that I will go on dreaming about that place. The country that appears beyond the walls of Derry Court (since I am not always kept within them) is the one that I knew on departing from it; that existed somewhere in the last third of the century, before its consummate degradation (by proxy I was among those who voted to remain in the European Union, for what good it did). But I cannot rid myself of a powerful and painful longing for that vanished space, or find a form for it in painting, or not as a subject in itself. Perhaps there may be something to be harnessed in the flavour of the longing; for now, all I can do is write it down. It exists also in a not-distant moment when a lethally transformed climate might yet have been averted for the planet. Naturally I wonder how much keener must be the suffering of refugees forced by environmental breakdown, or by crises correlative to it, to leave their homes forever for unpropitious destinations that nonetheless cannot be worse for them than remaining where they are.

I have spoken before of Edward Said’s reflections on exile. His essay of that title begins by describing exile as

‘strangely compelling to think about but terrible to experience. It is the unhealable rift forced between a human being and a native place, between the self and its true home: its essential sadness can never be surmounted. And while it is true that literature and history contain heroic, romantic, glorious, even triumphant episodes in and exile’s life, these are no more than efforts meant to overcome the crippling sorrow of estrangement. The achievements of exile are permanently undermined by the loss of something left behind for ever.’

Said later added:

‘The first thing to acknowledge is the loss of home and language in the new setting, a loss that (Joseph) Conrad has the severity to portray as irredeemable, relentlessly anguished, raw, untreatable, always acute.’

John Leavey left Ireland at roughly the same age at which I left the UK, sixty-five years later. He too was homesick for the rest of his days, amounting to seventeen years. This I heard from his youngest daughter; he died before I was born. I have not spoken to others who have experienced exile, whether or not (as in my case, and his) self-imposed and unforced by persecution or tyranny. Said has a great deal more to say about the plight of exiles, of which absolutely nothing has featured in my life, but those opening lines present my own feelings as truly as anything I could write. The émigré writer James Wood describes ‘the slow revelation that I made a large choice a long time ago that did not resemble a large choice at the time… it has taken years for me to see this… that this process of retrospective comprehension in fact constitutes a life – is indeed how life is lived… To think about home and the departure from home, not about going home and no longer feeling able to go home, is to be filled with a remarkable sense of ‘afterwardness’ (a word borrowed from Freud): it is too late to do anything about it now, and too late to know what should have been done.’* Exactly so.

How happy we might have actually been, had my wife and I elected to live in my country instead – when it might still have been possible – is another question. A rare journey to Hastings took place a year before the Coronavirus outbreak. We sheltered from rain in the entrance to the Jerwood Gallery on the Stade, standing some yards apart: she watching herring gulls circling over Rock-a-Nore and I gazing west towards St. Mary-in-the-Castle, sunk in remembrance. A woman of about sixty stopped on my side of the doorway. She had lived all her life in the town and I was therefore likely to have passed her in the street during the years I lived there myself. The conversation went pleasantly enough until I asked her what changes she had seen since those days. With a sudden scowl directed at my wife – who was still looking up at the East Hill – she replied: ‘We didn’t use to have that lot all over the place.’ I don’t suppose she was referring to Koreans in particular, but I should not have been surprised. No visit to the UK with my wife is complete without this complaint being expressed, often to her face, by someone, somehow, somewhere. We could rely upon it even long before the post-‘Brexit’ immigration hoo-ha.

On an estate agent’s website, obeying a morbid and foolish impulse, I once sought out images of the improvements by its new owners to the interior of what had been Derry Court (the letters in the transom faded and perhaps forgotten). There were no traces of my father’s work; all was remorselessly encased in thick carpeting and beige walls the colour of tofu. Its spirits had duly fled, or perished. Our rainy day in the town came thirteen years later, and with it the urge to see the house again in reality. Leaving my wife with friends, I surrendered as easily as before. I did not seek entry. Who would welcome the sudden descent of a former freeholder? The exterior, I saw at once, had been wholly neglected. What had been the rear garden with its lawns, paths and trees had been torn up; all that could be seen was a mass of mud, ash and rubbish. The ground floor being something over four feet above street level, the front windows looked out over a section of tiered rockery and shrubs. To the right was the room in which my father’s portrait had posthumously flown. Squinting into that on the left, in which he had died and which subsequently had been my painting studio, I realised with a jolt that another painter’s easel now stood in the centre of the floor. Only this item was visible.

When, in dreams, I return to English streets and rooms I once knew intimately and have not seen for most of my life, it is now to find them populated by Korean people. All is well there. The country of beloved memory is restored and thriving. A people is just a people; it is the same country. The imagined scene in which I find them is ‘the land of lost content’ and ‘I see it shining plain.’

Eventually, for the ageing exile, the King of terrors makes his initial sallies, typically from some unforeseen quarter. After a run-in with Death the life long lived appears more dissipated, or at least mine does. Everywhere in it I see rank stupidity. That is except for the dreams, in which unconscious content, unconstrained by the stupidity, leaps across the gap like an electric arc; or like a master painter snatching the student’s brush for an expert demonstration. If the phenomenon of dreams is, like mortality, disinterestedly physiological, this is extraordinary enough. The more legible they seem, the more revelatory. The resemblance between dreams and painting consists in how they take form; in physical terms, a kind of calcination: the expulsion of volatile elements. I would say that a chief difficulty in painting is the requirement of the same mental bridging, that same stroke of lightning. By contrast the irrefutable asseveration of a dream is effortless, incapable of fallacy.

I was a sixth-former when I first picked up Carl Jung’s unwillingly written biography Memories, Dreams, Reflections. To comprehend his discourse on the mysterium coniunctionis – the symbolisation of psychic integration – would have been beyond me. I had less difficulty with the idea that, ‘as far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of pure being.’**

Or with this, in the preface to Answer to Job:

‘The statements of the soul… archetypes of the collective unconscious… are never invented, but enter the field of inner perception as finished products. They are spontaneous phenomena which are not subject to our will, and we are therefore justified in ascribing to them a certain autonomy.’†

A few Derry Court dreams are related below.

Campania

17th November 2015

The last English autumn I actually saw was the one in which I emigrated, eleven years ago. But now, as it seems in the middle of a November afternoon, I look down in dismay, from the parapet of Saltwood castle in Kent, on an adjacent field where Derry Court, now demolished, recently stood. Its traces in the bare earth, remnants of walls and exposed foundations – or as much as can be seen from my present position – seem intentionally arranged to form the Korean letters Giyeok and Mium. It appears to have been even older than the Norman building whose ramparts I am standing on. I turn away and descend through the barbican; a few tourists, of whom I evidently am one, are taking a final look around before closing time. Emerging into the field beside the castle I begin to explore the remains of my former home, stumbling upon an abandoned mobile phone which is shaped like a Byzantine crucifix, with a vacant central panel. My father happens also to be visiting the site. He sits on a surviving section of brickwork, smoking and chatting to two young women: they tell him that they are from Campania.

‘Are you?’ He pauses. ‘I was there, in Nineteen Forty-Two.’

They beam at him. ‘Oh really?’ Were you on holiday?’

‘Yeah,’ my father replies sociably, pausing again, gazing at the ground and drawing on his cigarette. His eyes flick across to meet mine. ‘And so was half the German army.’ He had served in the Royal Corps of Signals.

I wander past the ruins of Derry Court, then those of Saltwood’s fourteenth-century curtain wall, to come upon a road that is free of cars but busy with walkers. The shadows are long, the sky wide and the sun low and bright, as though Kent has become East Anglia. I am impatient to show my wife, with her Leica, the scene I contemplated from above, in order for her to photograph it. The new owners of the land are sure to erase whatever is left of my house. She follows me at some distance as I search for a way back into the castle. Some yards ahead I notice the art historian Kenneth Clark, hand in jacket pocket, standing below a pointed-arched doorway set into a wall of dressed flints. By the time I am level with this, close enough to see its dog-tooth hood moulding and jambs, a ditch between us – formerly the moat – has also come into view. The door, which is open, stands at the head of one flight of stone steps and at the foot of another that can be seen rising to some space beyond and above. Clark brought me to the roof in the first place, but now the tour is over. He acknowledges my approach with a nod. But, as I begin to scramble across the ditch, he has retreated up the steps to the door and is already climbing those inside. I address the backs of his legs, about to ascend out of sight: ‘Lord Clark, may I trouble you for a moment?’

Without turning, he replies, ‘Well, it’s getting late.’

‘In that case, I’ll write a letter.’

‘Fine.’

Nevertheless, by an official route, I somehow succeed in regaining the section of roof where I was previously. There is still some light in the sky, and I wait anxiously for my wife to join me.

Leaving for the coast

21st January 2022

Chalk grassland: the North Downs. Motionlessly I loll in a hollow near the railway cutting; a foraging dunnock hops nearby, unawares. I was last here more than fifty years ago. I have heard that the thousands of insects I remember from that time have now disappeared; that I would find myself surrounded by grey brushwood, unmanaged and unpopulated. But, somehow, all is restored to the buzzing luxuriance of distant memory. An electric multiple-unit glides by in green livery, its travellers peering up; a ‘wizard’s cell’ in its ‘delectable groove.’‡ The trolleybuses have been decommissioned, but the track below winds on to Battersea and Victoria. A breeze flips the pages of a discarded and desiccated comic-book with its hushed histrionics. Thanks to Stanley Kubrick, my odyssey through the magic of art began at the Casino Cinerama in Old Compton Street, in the red-carpeted auditorium and the infinity of the cosmos. I would rise and proceed further, but there is a resistant tremor in the folds of the land and the steadfast hawthorn. I am held firm. No you don’t, they seem to say, kindly. There will be no ambling home. I am home. Ambling, and the space to amble in, is the prerogative of the living.

Yet I arrive in time for my class. I am obliged to dismiss my students; they too are mere ghosts, so cannot be enrolled. It is too late for learning. I recognize some of the downcast faces. One asks: ‘Must we go, then?’ We disperse. My wife and I approach the long and narrow flight of steps, on the promontory crowned by Hastings Castle, leading down to the Stade. Having descended half way, on a ledge intersected by the staircase, we witness a re-enactment of the funeral of Franz Ferdinand. I am in conversation with those in the cortège. Their minds work independently, and in real time. At first I do not attend to what they say, which includes vital intelligence. But my memory has caught the words and, realizing after some moments what I have been told, I apologize and belatedly confirm my understanding: ‘I see… you mean (so-and-so will do this or that; such-and-such will ensue).’ My dullness causes impatience.

Sea Pictures: on the side of a neighbouring hill, half a mile north-westwards, stands Derry Court, where the rotary telephone ring-rings. This used to be an event that might draw a crowd; one sensed the import of distance. I hear the plaintive and long-vanished voice of my widowed and infirm mother, harrowingly restored : might I collect her from the hospital? ‘I’m feeling very thirsty.’ Our lodgers have just left and the next cohort will soon arrive; rooms must be cleaned, linen changed. She will need a bed on the ground floor; the only suitable one is two storeys above. I can accomplish this in time only by lowering it on a rope, this being a period in the middle of my life when when I frequently move heavy objects within and between buildings. I see rain falling against the grey sea.

Setting about the task, I realize that I am being addressed, almost inaudibly against the screams of seagulls, from one of our wingback chairs (imitation George III). In the chair languishes G-J, formerly my teacher of English Literature. He once sought to encourage, after his fashion, what he saw as my early promise, and was exasperated, even furious, at my failure to respond. Square-jawed, in broad-shouldered tweed, bespectacled, his hands folded on his lap, he sits back and studies me, as he would in those days. But here his anger, his imperiousness, is gone; he is mourning his own dissipated life, riddled with self-doubt and seeking solace. He wishes to be persuaded that he has achieved something. Frowning abstractedly over the coffee I provide, he wills the answers to come.

But this is a play within a play, on which the curtain then falls. I awake, as it were, to find myself seated in a chair that is old, familiar and comfortable, and in which I am wholly at ease, secure and untroubled. The chair is made of oak, in rococo style, square in plan and carved on every side with ideograms, forged flawlessly in the unconscious as I slept through the decades and which, decoded in the momentary lucidity between sleeping and waking, endow me with of the prize of complete consciousness and my powers of articulation with Shakespearean might. This, I am reminded, is how Paradise Lost was dictated to Milton… I lean over the arm-rest to peer at the script which, after all, reveals itself to be Gaelic type. Or perhaps it is Hanmun; characters run in columns rather than rows… the closer I look, the less I comprehend, until I am benighted again.

I stand in the empty mausoleum of Dulwich Picture Gallery. A few yards away, through the door behind me – though I know this is sealed – will be the collection of William Blake’s prints in the West Gallery. The sarcophagi (of Bourgeois and Desefans) have evidently been removed. The bare stone floor is pale and hot, and starting to crack under thermal pressure. The UK will never again be a cold country. I see that the chamber has become a kiln; the walls are now of iron-rich clay, found on riverbanks. In the midst of this vision I recall another, shortly before my mother’s death, in which her enfeebled and helpless figure tumbled into the sea, like any particle in an irresistible vortex, the surface of which solidified as it closed over her; brutally educing, as I looked on, what Doris Lessing called the ‘cold weight of grief’ pulling down on my heart.

The boat

2nd November 2023

The old garage by my parents’ house is unusually long. Oil and sawdust underfoot have lain there scores of years. At its far end, the panes of a single window are dulled with sap from an encroaching buddleia. But there is enough light to see, among the few traces of its former users, a rusting Brodie helmet hung on a nail; and to read, two feet below this, a faded note pinned at one corner: Submit to external examiner. This refers, I believe, to the practical assignment I am now undertaking, though it is all too possible that my submission will miss the deadline. Air, and more light, is entering from somewhere; a door in the side of the building, installed by my late father, stands open. On a patch of dry earth outside lies an old wardrobe whose thin plywood backing panel has become partially detached. I am not certain of its provenance. It has a reddish veneer and fine marquetry on its central panel and drawers. Mirrors set into each door reflect the light of an overcast sky. I move towards it to ascertain whether tacks or screws would better secure the panel. Even if either is found, a hammer or screwdriver will also be needed. Of the latter, I have seen only an antiquated, possibly pre-war, specimen with a sawn-off handle and uselessly worn tip. However, once those steps towards its repair are successfully taken I yet have to make this receptacle watertight, because what I am instructed to produce is a boat, not a wardrobe. For that I might appropriate the asphalt roofing from the garage. But then, being all right angles, the thing can’t move through water unless I somehow remould the contours. With access to fire and water the wood might be steamed and made pliable. The capability for further refinements, to contrive a means of propulsion or system of navigation, is hopelessly beyond me… on consideration, the mirrors are unlikely to be helpful… but the despair I am sinking into comes not only of not knowing what I am supposed to know, but knowing that I will never know it, being somehow, pathologically, unable to learn things. I need the boat, it seems, to regain my home and my country. I know that I am dreaming about them, which means they are still lost. But the impossibility of my learning how to build a boat is the reason I lost them in the first place.

‘What are you doing?’ asks a female voice.

‘As a matter of fact I’m trying to write. If you don’t mind.’

Turning towards the house, through the laths of an ancient wooden trellis, I glimpse something alight, and hear crackling. Behind the lattice I find pizzas cooking on a gridiron that I recognize from Titian’s Martydom of of St. Lawrence. Two children snatch up the food, eating madly.

‘But this isn’t good for them, or for the climate,’ I remind their mother, an old friend, who looks on.

‘Well, the house is no longer yours, of course. But anything you find lying around out here you’re welcome to make use of. ‘

I begin to ponder how to use the fire for tarring or tempering. But there follows the sound of crashing and splintering. They have begun to break up the wardrobe for fuel. We have no more time for beautiful things.

‘At least,’ she adds more loudly, ‘I no longer allow my children phones. If they use them, they don’t dream.’

‘I see. And that would mean my being deprived of their company.’

Like a visitor to a museum I am permitted to enter what was once my home and find myself in a broad hypaethral structure, a space that is somehow both interior and exterior and so not unlike a large Korean hanok, divided horizontally into compartments. But there is a further series of chambers beneath, and I wander into these. My father is somewhere about; other visitors have arrived, to see his paintings. Somehow I know that I am trespassing, and it would be better not to be seen there. Moving in a direction I judge to be away from their voices, I come across an ad hoc display of small canvases, on chairs and tables, brought out for viewing and having recently been inspected, as it seems. My father is heard in an adjacent room, offering some remarks on the same, or other of his works. Among those apparently present are his former teacher Ron Benham (1915-1993) from Epsom Art School, Ron Crossland, a friend from their army training days and my uncle Rodney, a frequent guest at our house in the nineteen-sixties. I linger for a moment, then succeed in slipping away before I am discovered.

[Please see Addenda: Derry Court].

[A memory: leaving us on one occasion the always jovial Rodney, descending the stairs to the front door, paused halfway, his face turned back and upwards to teach me the phrase: See you later alligator / After a while crocodile. This was at our former home in Surrey, long before the move to Sussex and some ten years after Bill Haley’s recording. By then, Viv Prince had been ejected from The Pretty Things, the Yardbirds had replaced Eric Clapton with Jeff Beck and Dylan had released Like a Rolling Stone. But I was five and Rodney forty-five; neither of us hip to the scene].

*London Review of Books, Vol 36 No 4, 20 February 2014

**Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams Reflections (New York: Random House, 1963) p. 358

† Carl Jung, Answer to Job (London: Routledge, 1954) p. xv

‡ Marcel Proust, À l’ombre des jeunes filles en fleurs (Kilmartin’s 1982 translation)

The People’s Janitor: reparative mode

Drawing, writing and the ‘black dog’

Will you…

Choose me, / You English words? / I know you: / You are light as dreams, / Tough as oak, / Precious as gold, / As poppies and corn, / Or an old cloak… – Edward Thomas

I thought there was nothing in the world but books… when I began to paint I found there were two things, both difficult to do and worth doing; and I concluded from that time there might be fifty. – William Hazlitt, ‘Conversations of Northcote’

I was always going to be an artist. I could read early, draw and write. Out of the sensuous richness of my days and hours I would sooner or later forge a key, a door would open and my potential would be realized. I’m no longer sure about that, these days. There was only the opening and closing of Samuel Beckett’s analogous door, in the space of which a life is briefly lived. But my paintings, or at least the drawings, are better than they once were. There has been progress, if nowhere near enough. In the meantime I have devoted an inordinate amount of time to writing, functionally, joylessly, without confusing it with anything I can call art, and not in a way that aided proficiency. I would write and illustrate poems and short stories for the school magazine. At art school I gave up the idea of being both ‘a writer’ and painter. It appeared that keen, critical thinking and coherent, astute writing was something I must leave to others. I persuaded myself that the compulsion to write was suspect, but it wasn’t completely quelled. I have been scratching and babbling ever since, like someone dispatching messages in bottles from the ends of the earth. If I really were a lone castaway with no prospect of rescue, or knew myself to be the last human on earth, and prepared to go on living on that basis, I’m sure that I would go on drawing, but don’t suppose I would write.

I was prevailed upon to begin this blog by a writer friend, who suggested I write about drawing. I explained that it’s impossible to talk about the process of drawing or painting other than when I’m immersed in it. And breaking off to make notes would shatter my concentration. I’m a painter, not a carpenter. If I knew what I was doing and could set it down in advance, it would have no value for me. I’d be an artist like Bouguereau, the Pre-Raphaelites, or a 1980s neo-conceptualist. Besides, circumstances prevented me from making new work regularly and at speed. In that case, it was put to me, I could write about not drawing. This was to call my bluff, because there have always been ‘circumstances.’ The progress I’ve made was in spite of myself; I haven’t worked hard enough. Furthermore, an artist is meant to be adaptable. Ukrainian artists work on under the Russian siege; beautiful chalk drawings survive bombardment while the children who made them do not.

For all that, my life was shaped – somewhat quixotically – around the mysterious need to express, which still urges me towards words as well as images. I don’t have a respectable excuse for indulging it, although that’s what I’m doing. Yes, it is extraordinary to converse with people born in the twenty-first century and at the same time recall exchanges with predecessors whose memories began in the nineteenth. With the allowance of longevity, and imagination, age lends an increasing intensity and luxuriance to the weave of life. But I’m not sure what my story in itself, however long the trek from illusional and jejune beginnings, might offer a reader half a lifetime younger and negotiating an abominably changed world. Even if ‘it’s the words that count, not the ideas,’** the well-time-travelled writer may not be blessed with dexterity or ingenuity. In any case, current reports, and supporting evidence, of the death of reading suggest I could be on a hiding to nothing. Handed a Korean dictionary, my brightest students flip the pages back and forth helplessly. They can’t look up a word in their own language.

I did, in the end, record a few ‘illuminations’ as they flashed by in the making of further drawings and paintings, some of which, with commentary, are digitally reproduced on The Burglar‘s pages. But in being so they lose the three-dimensional properties that make them what they are and become merely ‘the monogram of essence,’* a poor substitute for the original, which, seen in the breathable, tangible world of kinetics, the conditions of its creation, amounts to more than ‘an image.’ For this reason I prefer not to showcase the works on a dedicated page, where I think they would appear even less like themselves. Instead they are set within the text, and so appended to it rather than the other way round. But something of what needs to be seen can be seen. Like those in The Burglar‘s section, the writings assigned to The People’s Janitor are the first I have published since my schooldays – apart from a postgraduate thesis – but here the themes are various and not immediately (or at all) concerned with drawing or painting.

I grasped what I was about as a painter long ago. I am uninterested in narratives. I separated the need to paint from any concern in respect of an audience, to whom there is nothing I wish to ‘send over’ and with whom I have no interest in engaging ‘relational-aesthetically.’ As a writer I’m much more at sea. Writing painters told me that energy for painting is not convertible to energy for writing. One deals with matter, the other is an abstract exercise. However, some exceptional painters manage to be good at both: Vincent Van Gogh, Paul Klee, Patrick Heron (‘I wish my words to militate against mere verbal consciousness’). The artist Jeffrey Camp, a visiting tutor at my school, once wrote a book called Draw in which he says: ‘If writing is mightier than the sword, then to write and draw has more power than cracking atoms.’

But ‘how can I know what I think until I see what I say?’ Thus the phrase attributed variously to Graham Wallas, E.M. Forster and an unknown young woman. ‘Write it to know it,’ says the writer Iain Sinclair (in, I think, Dining on Stones). Certainly I draw something in order to see it; to extract truth without words. I lumber towards words and flounder in them, but in drawing, as the painter David Bomberg said of himself, I seldom feel out of my depth. The turning mill of the imagination comes online, as a faculty actively engaged in perception. This takes place away from any process of logic or reasoning. Thinking is inimical to drawing. It cannot transcend the force of direct experience: being in the landscape, glimpsing something in the street, ‘the spectacle… impossible to imagine a priori.’†

A cogent essay by the late video artist Bill Viola argues that ‘the twentieth-century (i.e. contemporary) artist is not necessarily someone who draws well, but one who thinks well.’ What Viola meant by drawing well is ‘the manual skill of accurate rendering.’ The artists he had in mind, I would guess, are those like Raphael, Ingres, Wyeth, Coldstream and Freud, with their constructions that work from the parts to the whole. I have no interest in drawing that way and sometimes see reason to question its ‘accuracy’ on its own terms. As for those artists who think rather than draw, that would be the deathless progeny of Marcel Duchamp. There are artists I admire that don’t go in for drawing. Nor do others I have less time for, whose output is purely cerebral. We have the ‘theatre’ of the artist-impresario, ‘raising and lowering expectations’ (Damien Hirst, talking to Gordon Burns in 2001). Here the natural world becomes a prop room; ego is front and centre.

As I say, I have had little truck with ideas, particularly my own. They creak and chafe. I haven’t thought well. It is as if I always lived in a house without walls and my possessions and papers kept blowing into the hills. I’m too old to run after them now. But perhaps I am starting to think better. I refer in my introductory post (In the looking) to a peculiar, unnameable ‘trouble.’ It is only lately that I’ve begun to feel free of this for the first time. The trouble itself might be likened to this having no walls, or existing in a continually collapsing edifice. Whatever the name or diagnosis – bipolar disorder, the slough of despond or the ‘black dog’ (which sounds more aptly adventitious) – it consisted in a deep sadness and constant disquiet, seemingly ex nihilo, and comprehended a cycle of great agitation and long spells of hagridden, paralysing despondency. It settled over my life from the beginning and wrought tremendous havoc and lasting harm. Or rather, I was born into this settlement. But by the time I entered secondary school – where I place myself at the start of the aforementioned post and also of this one – I had been familiar with these episodes for most of my eleven years. Most of the time, I was either on the way up or on the way down. The experience at its worst would not change through the forty or more years that followed. I was always the same sufferer; hardly a person, as it seemed, but the same miserable, ageless creature. When not so affected I would reshape a direction for myself. Not all the choices I made were foolish; some undoubtedly were. I may or may not have fared better at a state school. The advantages offered by the one I did attend were considerable but it is unlikely that any boy ever did less to avail himself of them. (Not that this had to do with my lifelong abomination of their exclusivity). A good day was one in which I was not wracked throughout by the ‘howling tempest in the brain’ of William Styron’s monograph Darkness Visible (published some years later) as I wandered the oak-panelled corridors – I was a pupil there for seven years, yet recall next to nothing of classes – or across the rugby fields, up and down the streets beyond and for miles out from the edge of London into the Surrey woods.

Some masters professed themselves mystified; others refused to engage with me at all, or responded to my behaviour with scorn, humiliation, the cane or – worse – allegations of malingering and deceit. The headmaster was an insightful exception. At fifteen, owing to his remarkable kindness, I was merely suspended for several months after making a bonfire of my school books and a half-baked plot to do the same to ‘Big School,’ the main assembly hall. Notwithstanding the harm I habitually caused to myself, and the wild fury in which I approached the task that night, I did appreciate that the razing of someone else’s property was a somewhat different proposition. It is difficult to say how far I would have allowed myself to go even if I had had a real plan, or if there were some chance of my not being intercepted before I could see it through. In the event, my hand impaled on railings as I attempted entry to the grounds put an end to the business. The reader may wonder whether my parents deserved any of this. They did not; no one did. How much better – whatever I might think of the place – to have contracted myself into the system and accepted what it offered. But that could not be.

A description of the trouble seems more useful than any attempt to define it clinically. At nineteen, when the fiasco of exams was over, I spent a summer throwing refuse into a crushing machine, blithely leaping in and springing out again as the compressing wall advanced. But at those low points it was as though whatever ‘I’ was had been pulverized among the waste and sunk in some abyss where light would never reach it. The elderly Spike Milligan, who probably would have understood this more readily than most, remarked:

‘It’s as though you are sitting with an eiderdown over you and you hear a doorbell ring and you think: “I’ll have to go and answer that.” And you struggle, but to little avail… it is a terrible effort because this (thing) just drags you back and down and smothers you.’

Similarly a British writer (but I forget who, or where) likened the feeling to being encased in a heavy overcoat with ‘soldered buttons.’ I find all these images very fitting. The late Anthony Clare, Professor of Psychiatry, noted that for Milligan, ‘normally fast and furious with words, questions about how he felt (when depressed) took almost a physical struggle.’ Milligan had answered:

‘There is this terrible emptiness. I just want to disappear… It is like pain but it is not a physical pain. I cannot describe it… every fibre in your body is screaming for relief yet there is no relief… I cannot, of course, escape because I have to keep working, which I just about do… though once or twice I have had to stop, to just hide away and wait till I could summon up the energy just to keep going.’ ‡

Milligan lived not far from my home in East Sussex. Since he appeared content to discuss his ailment with other sufferers, I sometimes thought of approaching him but never did; he was so much older, so well known and hardly in need of assistance from me. But I would suggest that the indescribable emptiness does involve a sensation so intense as to seem physical; of being gripped in a vice or press, particularly by the head, while in one’s chest there are powerful waves of panic. This convinced me long ago of a predominately biochemical process, or basis, in the cause. Not that I can discount the circumstantial, but it has happened when all appeared to be going well. It will intensify and progress on a declension towards complete prostration, where one seems as close to the inanimate as sentience can be, conscious only of the sound of one’s breathing and the intolerable ticking of clocks. Lena Zavaroni, a gifted child star of my generation, came to be tragically affected by something she described in similar terms: as an endless, lightless ‘tunnel’; a ‘static’ state. I can’t claim to know how deeply she suffered; decades of anorexia and depression – to be cured of which, she resorted to desperate expediency – led to an early grave. In my own case, to my shame, I was quite unable to conceal from anyone the utter wretchedness of it. The life I have lived has been largely shaped by the rhythm of this inevitable falling off and my intermittent attempts to steer it back towards some consoling ideal.

I call the trouble my ‘detention.’ I have had ample time to theorize it more or less credibly. Not that I can forgive myself for the subsidiary havoc visited upon the lives of others, especially those close to me, along the way. At those moments when I found human intercourse unendurable – even the company of the very best – I could make it no less of an ordeal for them. But on the threshold of senescence there has been a change. Brutality and sorrow may proliferate in the wider world but my personal agitation is allayed somewhat. As physical decline gently progresses, I find that the beast, likewise ageing and debilitated, lags at a further distance. When it does amble up, things may get dark again; but its teeth are worn, there is less pressure in its jaws and the darkness lifts sooner than it used to. It is as though, for the first time in threescore years, a sea has receded from a small patch of firm ground. The reprieve, I would guess, has something to do with the shortening of the years ahead. In any case, whether ‘detained’ or not, it is not as though I ever wanted for anything. By comparison to the 1960s or 1970s, when I had the services of a local Child Guidance clinic, the need of mental health support for young people in the UK has enormously increased as its provision has been progressively withdrawn, owing to the callous dismantling of public services that gained pace in the new century. I realize also that, unimaginably, many sufferers languish far further down the continuum of severe clinical depression, just as many worthier and more productive lives have been lived – begun and ended – since I last shambled through the school gates.

The manifestation of endogenous depression seems inversely correlative to external crises; famously unreported in World War Two and retreating whenever I myself have had to face a real emergency. It is dispelled by the integrity of purpose critical to such a moment. Under more placid conditions it will again begin to senselessly destroy its subject, as if to say: ‘Demand me nothing. What you know, you know.’ Biologically, it appears uselessly or malignantly anomalous, like anthropophagy or billionaires. My wife, perhaps rightly, regards it as ‘a disease of the modern world.’ But to be so afflicted is not to be mad. The monstrous self-belief that propels many public figures of my generation to their present eminence is, by contrast, a veritable menace to the rest of humanity; never to themselves.

There have always been those whose lives are desolated by an emotional debility with no obvious cause. Van Gogh declared that one paints in order to ‘get out of hell,’ and produced work of astonishing beauty. Let me say that I am not fit to hold his brushes and his anguish is beyond anything in my experience. But, while being ‘indistinguishable from his art,’ as Robert Hughes admiringly claimed, it hindered rather than assisted his work, and I understand this perfectly. The torment he alludes to is not the fabled source of creative power. It frequently goes with the territory but sabotages the project, as it does everything else. He rued the time lost to his illness that might have been given to painting. His achievement was thus the more heroic. To return to the interview with Milligan:

‘You don’t need to feel this way to achieve, create, succeed. I do not hold with this romantic view of depression, that it has some purpose… it is without a redeeming feature and I would willingly have foregone my fame and achievements to be rid of it. I have known as many and more sufferers from manic depression who have had no creative talent whatsoever – what do you say to them about the value of suffering this miserable disorder?’

Interposed between each successive trough and peak was a parenthesis of restored energy and vision that I call the ‘reparative mode,’ in which it became possible to think about painting again. This upswing always felt miraculous, like the emergence of life in the void. Too often, thinking about painting was as far as it went. My first act towards reparation would be to write. I utilized this facility, after a fashion, to recentre myself, composing endless letters in which I sought to wrest back control, remedy my deficiencies and initiate new projects. Even when out of the trough, unfortunately, I was never adept in dealing with others in person, far less arguing a case. Being strongly distracted by certain properties of the space in which we happened to stand, or stupefied by the very idea of the presence of an interlocutor (one of whom once turned to ask the room: ‘Who hypnotized this guy?’), I was, as a rule, fairly unable to concentrate on whatever was being said. Even when I did follow, I was hard put to it to muster a coherent response. People looked over their shoulders, wondering what I was gazing at. I never understood my maladroitness, but the belletristic petitions were intended to make up for it.

The importunity of painting, which I saw as the cardinal task of the life I was meant to be living, made me absurdly nervous – a kind of stage fright – as did the company of other painters. Arriving at art school, I reasoned that my apprehensiveness was not unnatural in a callow student among mature practitioners. But matters soon worsened again and it was clear that, whatever it was all about, this was the same minacity that had always hovered and never altered its nature. I recall a meeting with two other painting tutors in my first undergraduate year. One was Noel Forster, to whom I tried to describe this debility and its effect on my work, as his colleague, Arnold Van Praag, looked on from a corner of the studio. ‘But painting is easy, John,’ Forster assured me kindly. On his leaving the room Van Praag approached, glanced back through the open door and remarked: ‘I shouldn’t have thought anyone in his right mind would say painting is easy. It isn’t a pastime, it isn’t entertainment, it isn’t a coinage…’ there was more, but I remember only the peroration: ‘One has no choice but to do it – and it is terribly, desperately difficult.’

He kindly never referred to my personal distress, but stuck to his remit. ‘How do you think Vincent would feel if he were here?’ Asking the question, he turned his eyes very briefly to a painting evidently made by an admirer of Alex Katz.

‘I don’t think it would cheer him up very much.’

In my early thirties I stopped trying to ‘paint out’ my ‘detention,’ but did not cease to feel its effects. In itself, however examined, shadowed forth or symbolized, for anything that might serviceably be done with paint it was worthless. If ‘I’ were separable from it, and able to have existed without it, I cannot say from what happy and successful career it would not have detained me, or that I would not anyway have been, like Bellow’s Citrine (see In the looking), ‘a complete idiot until the age of forty and a partial idiot after that.’ Conjecture is useless. It and I came into being at one time and place, whether that was a sun-struck daisy field or a dark nebula. I reject, for myself, the advocacy of behavioural therapy, mechanical and managerial. Yet I remained daily in thrall to the fantasy of a two-handed struggle in which – each morning – I was to rise, overcome my adversary and finally take possession of my wits and the life waiting to be lived. This was the scheme for some twenty thousand days.

Carl Jung told John Freeman in 1959 that he first became ‘conscious of selfhood… as something apart and autonomous… at the age of ten’ and until then had existed ‘in a mist.’ In respect of my own life, I cannot say when either the mist lifted or this consciousness developed. As a child I conceived that the world and its goings-on lay on the far side of a glass fence, incomprehensible and remote. The psychologist Marion Milner spoke of herself as ‘shut away from whatever might be real in living.’ This, which I read in my twenties, seemed like something I might have said of myself. Anxious and restless, I also happened to be powerfully built. I would walk as many miles a day as Charles Dickens, and endlessly undertake elaborate physical tasks that need never have been attempted. These initiatives availed me little beyond the satisfaction of their design and fulfilment, but often were of benefit to others. I entertained the fancy that they commended me to some super-mundane ministry disinterestedly overseeing my fortunes. As long as the aim I had in view might conceivably be achieved through sheer physical exertion, I treated my body as if it were an invulnerable mass of inexhaustible energy. This felt like authentic expression, and it may have been, but the chief consequences were arrested learning and scores of permanent injuries. Energy fed anxiety; the fence stayed where it was. Selfhood seems to have remained inchoate, intellectually and emotionally; as if, in spite of my constantly moving about, it were confined in an antechamber and ‘whatever might be real in living’ went on elsewhere. Unlike artist friends (who suggested that I was ‘afraid of myself’), I lacked an epicurean capacity for enjoyment. I was unavailable for hedonism, as well as the demands of love. That I found it impossible to relax was certainly to my loss as a thinker, or writer. The detaining walls rebuilt themselves repeatedly. I tested everyone’s patience to the limit. As often as not my behaviour was excused, but the cycle went on interminably.

By the time I left the UK I had long felt alienated by a perceptible cheapening of its public discourse and attenuation of its social fabric. I emigrated to Korea a year after the intervention in Iraq. A moratorium on the ‘detention’ seemingly had been in effect during the exigency of my late mother’s illness. I was her sole carer for a few arduous years previous to emigration. But I believed that having to get along in a distant and unfamiliar culture might knock out of me whatever had ailed me from the start. Painting was a quest, always urgent, that it had obstructed; that I allowed it to obstruct. Cruising into the exotic, flung into the updraught, the painter’s wings would involuntarily unfold; the door would be unbarred. Finally I would have turned myself into the key. The theory may not be entirely facile. But to ‘rewild’ myself by the forced substitution of an unknown domain was not to release the creature into its element. Instead the downswings set in immediately, as if there had been no respite and never would be again. This had nothing to do with Korea; it would have been so if I had somehow transferred myself to fifth-century Athens or found myself at the Coronation of Charlemagne. It had something to do with the fact that, as it happened, there was no going back. The deliberate transposition of this remote country and my own was imprudently abrupt. It was an avulsion from which, as I did not foresee, I could not easily recover. A ravening homesickness set in, together with an unremitting succession of dreams. A scar that would not fade was streaked through my impressions of this new world and, paradoxically, may have bonded me closer to it. For many years, however, the inherent sadness that had always affected me became objectified in the perception of permanent loss.

I proceeded nevertheless to work but, after some months in the city, took it into my head to consult a psychiatrist at the Samsung hospital in Seoul. I would summarize my history and respectfully suggest, on the basis of my periodic use of antidepressants and anxiolytics over many years, that what would help just now was a small dose of benzodiazepine, once or twice a week or as needed. In the event I struggled to answer his opening question: what was I doing in this country? He then placed me before what appeared to be a version of the Stanford-Binet IQ test, distantly familiar from childhood. Some way into the exercise, already troubled by the methodology, I became incensed on noting that my responses were being timed. Why did I refuse to proceed when I had been doing ‘very well?’ Why, I asked in turn, waste time generating quantitative data to treat an emotional disorder to which it had no relevance? He had a symposium to attend in California, and was pressed for time. His arrogance and obduracy enraged me, inaugurating another long episode of wretchedness and paralysis. This was why I had sought the prescription he might simply have provided without the fatuous carry-on.

Long before, a course of Jungian dynamic psychotherapy had been positively useful, as far as it went. In its relationship of artificial intimacy I had had assigned to me, by some remarkable chance, the ideal therapist. If not for this I would have remained an inexorable sceptic. For months he rightly disclosed nothing about himself or his opinions, other than to observe that I was ‘very, very affected’ by my ailment. His being Irish, and of my parents’ generation, allowed us to reconstitute the societal and psychical context of my family history, beyond anything I had previously ascertained. (Fees were waived). Therapy was eventually abandoned owing to my mother’s worsening condition, as well as, coincidentally, that of the therapist himself – an illness from which he was fortunate to recover – and my decision to leave the UK. I did then enter a further period of struggle, but it was the last such period. It now seems that the sessions lent me a greater power of insight and judgement that strengthened through the second half of life, like a vaccine, or a light that had been kindled and slowly strengthened, as horizons shifted and stock was taken. The fact of my being so affected by fearfulness and anxiety from the very beginning of life, with absolutely no basis in its outward circumstances, is accompanied by others, which I do not adduce as evidence of my blamelessness, but in which a causality is perceptible.

There was a tendency to melancholia on my father’s side. His grandfather, an Irish immigrant who found himself in a sanatorium with an incurable disease, cut his own throat. His father barely lived through the Battle of Jutland. My father himself could not speak of the things he had seen during the Italian campaign, less than thirty years later. Not that he was the only one. My mother was born at Mount Pleasant Buildings, a notorious rookery in Rathmines. Family members had died in the War of Independence ten years before. On breaking her arm she begged sixpence from her father for a bus ride to the hospital. He did not know that she was sexually abused; she told me only at the end of her life. The parents drank; it fell to ‘the sentinel child’ to run the household, that being my mother with her three sisters. Ireland, not for the last time that century, was a place to be getting out of, then forgotten. In London, a further injury was followed by a night spent alone on a top-floor hospital ward during the blitz. Her first child arrived when she had been married eight years; a daughter, severely deformed, who lived three days. Radioactive iodine for hyperthyroidism was thought to have been the cause. When I, her second child, was due, a doctor predicted that it would happen again. The birth was prolonged and traumatic. She refused anaesthetic to prevent the use of forceps. I was taken from her and placed in isolation for a week, which was then the practice in such instances. Several recent studies connect prenatal anxiety and depression to future problems in emotional self-regulation in the offspring. My mother worked tirelessly and achieved extraordinary things, but then would herself drink, upon which a belligerently discontinuous persona would emerge and cause absolute chaos. I was now the sentinel child. The very next day she would be found in ‘reparative mode.’ Somehow, for ever, she became my responsibility, but would have me believe, as she did, that I invented this burden for myself, and this, somehow, included the perception of hopes invested in me – without their being declared – that I was utterly unable to fulfil. The expectation, real or perceived, and the anger and anguish it made me feel, survived the deaths of my parents.

I had sometimes gloried in my great-aunt’s Fenian associations while really understanding nothing about the cruelty and suffering that may afflict an entire people. But through the lens of Korea, and its own memory of national trauma, my English homeland became a more complex entity, while Ireland, the ‘mother country’ that had loomed over the therapy sessions, presented some geopolitical and historical parallels with the country I had now adopted.

In the years that followed my migration, having kept up the habit of recording dreams, I became aware of a subliminal, progressive coalescence of the British and Korean landscapes. In a poem I had written, at about the time I set out to burn down the school, a departed soul finds himself confined inside a projection box, squinting through a loophole at fractionally visible scenes – a patch of sun on brick facing, the wind tugging at a tuft of grass, paint peeling from old railings – from his earthly history, as though on a strip of film, eternally re-run. Here and there, during the early days in Seoul, I would come across a certain thing stirringly redolent of some primary impression long ago in my country of birth (and about to be eradicated by manic urban development) in which this idea seemed to be realized. Rather than having turned to a new chapter, it was as though I were inhabiting an illuminated appendix, or epilogue, to my life. But these arresting encounters, which still take place, are occasionally charged with the intensity of the sudden ‘extra-temporal’ and ‘supraterrestrial’ sensations in which Proust found ‘a fragment of time in the pure state… the trueness to which conscious recollection and conscious observation will never know how to attain.’ Eventually I began to understand this ‘trueness’ – as he did in the course of a much shorter life – not as bounded in the obscurity of the unconscious but as a reality communicated by the world, a ‘contingency of nature,’ and an essential element in my acculturation. †

To say that an artist is someone who is obliged to do as they do and ‘has no choice’ is not grandiosity but stating the fact. I can’t also claim that the strength of this undeniable urge alone makes for great art. In my case, at any rate, it has been a good deal easier as a painter, than as a writer, to divert the force of this impetus away from the mental and emotional turmoil, undetained, and carry it into forms that are sufficient in themselves, and whose measure consists in their detachment from the personal, and from negotiations of meaning.

My knowledge of writers may not have done much to persuade me that I am one myself, and then there is the trash I have written. But the trash I have painted – last week, for instance – does not discourage me from painting again. The primordial, perpetual, creative dynamism behind every notion and urge is the same; the medium, or as I say craft, is the subject’s choice. The subversive potential of painting, to paint out of one’s guts, rather than confect excuses, and extract the truth in the possible representation of anything, has fascinated me for most of my life, even as my practical advance towards that possibility remains infinitesimal. In fact, so inappreciable is it by comparison to the heights that once seemed within reach, and at the same time so stubborn the same urge to write, that these creative paths, diverging at the end of my second decade when momentous decisions were due, appear to converge again in the seventh. I am where I was previously, except that nothing matters. I no longer have to be enmeshed in exhausting puzzles.

When they were published, nearly thirty years ago, it would have been impossible to see any relation to my own experience in these observations by Edward Said:

‘Conrad says in Nostromo that a desire lurks in every heart to write down once and for all a true account of what happened, and this certainly is what moved me to write my memoir, just as I had found myself writing a letter to my dead mother out of a desire once again to communicate something terribly important to a primordial presence in my life. “In his text,” Adorno says,

‘”The writer sets up house… For a man who no longer has a homeland, writing becomes a place to live…[Yet] the demand that one harden oneself against self-pity implies the technical necessity to counter any slackening of intellectual tension with the utmost alertness, and to eliminate anything that has begun to encrust the work or to drift along idly, which may at an earlier stage have served, as gossip, to generate the warm atmosphere conducive to growth, but is now left behind, flat and stale. In the end, the writer is not even allowed to live in his writing.”

Where drawing can be likened to prospecting, writing appears to be a matter of paying attention, of taking dictation. Whatever I bring back from the attempt, in either case, sooner or later betrays the shortfall in my perception.

‘One achieves at most a provisional satisfaction, which is quickly ambushed by doubt, and a need to rewrite and redo that renders the text uninhabitable. Better that, however, than the sleep of self-satisfaction and the finality of death’ (London Review of Books, Vol. 20, no. 9, 7 May 1998).

As a Fine Art tutor myself, I would often invoke T. S. Eliot’s assertion that poetry is ‘not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality’ in professing (where appropriate) my own beliefs about painting. There is no prospect of my becoming a poet unless I were awarded a dispensation of several more decades to work at it, or else by metempsychosis; nor of matching the brilliance of many younger writers I might mention. But I confess that I should like to be not only a better painter but a better writer, and now at least can venture the attempt without being brought down by the perplexities that used to undermine it. At all events I will not stop drawing. And should the progress of the painter entail the extinction of the writer, it will not distress me.

* Walter Benjamin, The Origin of German Tragic Drama

** In an early chapter of Earthly Powers Burgess has one of his characters pronounce: ‘It’s the ideas that count, not the words,’ in order to demonstrate the reverse.

† Marcel Proust, La Prisonnière & Le Temps retrouvé (Kilmartin’s 1982 translation) & pp. 911-953 respectively

‡ Spike Milligan and Anthony Clare, Depression and How to Survive It (London: Random House, 1994)